Want to start a market stall? Worried?
Just remember these handy hints and you'll be a budding entrepeneur in no time:

* The apostrophe is your friend - for example 'pant's', 'cabbage's', 'carrot's'.

* Authentic spelling errors are a must: 'potatoe', 'chickin', 'gammen'.

* If a price is to be displayed, use both £ and p to denote said value: £4.99p. Now there is no doubt of the cost.

* Show your respect for men by calling them 'guv', 'son' or 'sir', whilst calling all women 'darlin'.

* Be the loudest. Everyone knows a rich market trader is a loud market trader. Shout the loudest and you are sure to attract those shy buyers.

* Finally, make sure to employ at least one special needs teenager. The old dears will think he's charming as he ambles over to fuck up their simple order. As a bonus, you can give him a well mannered 'clout' every so often and pay him half of what you pay everyone else!

Ker-ching! Now you are a bona fide market trader.
(Northern Lovely, Fri 6 Jul 2007, 11:42, Reply)