This could just save your life!
I'm sure I'm not just speaking for myself here, fellow B3tards, but every now and again I experience a strange, inexplicable sensation in my abdomen area that can only be described as 'rumbling'. This can sometimes occur up to 2 or 3 times a day (approximately), and I find that if ignored, I can be prone to suffer after-effects such as weakness and lethargy.
After extensive research and testing I have discovered a quite phenomenal antidote to this condition that almost immediately resolves my ailment. There is a new-fangled substance called 'food', which comes in a veritable plethora of varieties and forms of solidity, most of which appear in conjunction with alternating effects on the sensory apparatus on your tongue (important note here, some seem to be pleasant, some not so – be careful if experimenting).
Once ingested orally, this so-called 'food' can possess marvelous restoration properties of health and vigor, whilst simultaneously removing the (sometimes embarrassing) audible discomfort in your crap-factory.
Further studies have shown that this miracle substance actually sustains and prolongs life in a more advanced way than the ingestion of almost any other solids can - particulalry wood, pebbles, glass etc.

I would particularly recommend ‘food’ to those of a particularly dramatic slender build as prolonged dosages appear to have a prolific effect on the body mass index of those participating.

In short…Top tip for anorexics...When your thighs are thinner than your knees, start eating fucking cakes again
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 21 Aug 2007, 16:57, Reply)