IKEA twattery
This year, after years of ignoring Valentine's Day, I decided to make the wife something for this Halmark holiday. Making something is not only cheaper, it makes you look like you thought about it and gets extra brownie points.

For part of this creation, I needed a box frame. A quick google revealed that IKEA had exactly what I needed and, by a stroke of luck, I had to go to a meeting just by Warrington IKEA.

So I nipped in after my meeting, bypassed the showfroom and grabbed the frame I wanted, heading to the chekcouts as quickly as possible, lest I get tricked into buying a load of shite I neither need, nor want. Whcih is what normally happens when I got to IKEA.

When I get to the chekcouts, there are three open, with somewhere in the region of 30 people waiting to pay for their trolley-loads of tat. There were self-service tills open, which no-one was using, but I didn't want to use them, as I wanted to pay cash so my wife wouldn't notice I'd been to IKEA without her.

So I joined the back of one of these queues. At the front of the queue were two just past middle-aged WAG-wannabes (who I later notcied had parked their X5 in a disabled space, with no sign of a blue badge). They had a trolley each and were gassing away as the checkout bloke scanned one trolley load. Once everything had been scanned, the first harridan started to pack. Once she had finished packing, she started looking for her credit card.

"Fuck this", thinks I and I walked past all the people queing and said to the second old bag and said "'scuse me, love. I'm only buying this one frame and I'm paying cash, can I just jump in front of you?"

She looked at me and said "No".

There was a proper commedy collective intake of breath from everyone in the queue and the checkout bloke let go of the frame in my hand - he'd assumed she'd say yes and had started to take it off me - and said "sorry mate, nothing I can do"

I then started trying to decide whether to just walk to the back of the queue or to work me way along, asking each one if I could jump infront of them, when the bloke stood right behind the woman I'd asked said "'ere y'are lad, get in front of me".

I said "cheers mate", to which he replied "twat". Seeing the shocked look on jmy face, he said "not you, her". Said twat then turned round and looked at him incredulously, to which he said "Yes, you. Twat."

I could have hugged him.
(ScousersPet, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:20, 13 replies)

Huzzah!
Someone who read the question properly
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 10:42, closed)

^^ What Lisa Riley's fatter sister said ^^

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:22, closed)

^ What Dale Winton's petroleum-based designer fragrance said

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 12:55, closed)

Beautiful
And completely deserved.

Click!
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 13:30, closed)

:D

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 13:42, closed)

Huh?
So you decided that you didn't have to queue, and then someone near the front of the queue decided that everyone behind him would have to wait that little bit longer to accommodate your impatience... is that it?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 14:31, closed)

It was
one item dude. Who wouldn't be happy to let someone go infront? Probably would have taken a maximum of 15 seconds seeing as he had the cash ready.
(Captain Sensible "I'll be your animal in a yellow plastic bin", Mon 16 Apr 2012, 14:43, closed)

Whether or not I'd be happy to is beside the point.
SP seemed to think that he had a right to queue-jump, and the guy in the queue decided that everyone else would be happy to allow it as well.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 15:43, closed)

This
^what flowery knickers said.^
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 16:10, closed)

To be perfectly honest, I think anyone who voluntarily goes shopping in Ikea is a twat

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 15:02, closed)

how do you go shopping involuntarily?
sleep shopping?
(slowly play it cool, Trig, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 21:04, closed)

I was renting office space once and as part of my payment we agreed that (for a discount)
I would provide them with a couple of office chairs. They specified that they wanted Ikea chairs, so I was contractually obliged to go there. That is the only time I've ever set foot in Ikea, and it was fucking horrendous. Wild horses wouldn't drag me back.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:36, closed)

Nope, I'm with the woman.
You jumped ahead of 30 odd people. She may not have been the only one who minded.

You needed to start at the back of the queue and ask each person in front of you if they minded you going in front.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:52, closed)