Apologies to Scotland...Germany…Environmentalists…and pretty much everybody else...

I used to date a German girl. Attractive, but mental, she used to actually enjoy being called disrespectful, outdated wartime references (like ‘Kraut’ and ‘Bosch’ etc)

Anyhoo, she once showed me a script she had written for a piece of theatre drama. It was a pile of utter cocksnot, but here is a quick summary of the plot…

It centred around the longest river in Scotland, and how the people of Perth and Dundee lamented the river’s heavy levels of oil pollution.

(riveting eh?)

However, the ‘twist’ was that upon closer inspection, the ‘oil’ was actually just thousands of cups of discarded tea, chucked in by staff at a nearby café.

So everything was alright.

She left this ‘bombshell’ until the very last line.

Upon reading the script, I immediately dumped the dizzy-arsed German bint, and never saw her again.

All these years later, I do have some happy memories of her, but even now I shudder when I think of the…

…

‘Tay-oils of tea’ Hun-ex play-end
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 8 Jul 2008, 12:02, 11 replies)

*spangs*
VERY HARD
*SPANGS*
Edit: you genius.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 12:03, closed)

right!
go to your room!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 12:05, closed)

I KNEW it!
You bastard!
*presses button on the K-Tech Auto Spanger 2000*
( Cawl, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 12:07, closed)

well played!

took me right to the end!

double grr!

x
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 8 Jul 2008, 12:08, closed)

*superclick*
I was sat there for a good 5 minutes trying to work out the last line :)
(Freddles, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 13:01, closed)

I was all ready
to take a walk down to the river to see if it looked oily.

*spangs Queerloch*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 13:07, closed)

ex
crew she eh ting
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 13:17, closed)

COCK PISS BITCH FUCK SHIT BARBRA STREISAND ***####!U!L!T!R!A!S!P!A!N!G###***
I feel utterly sick now :-D

well done *click*
( chart cat has an itch, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 13:46, closed)

*swings arm back*

*spangs*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 8 Jul 2008, 13:50, closed)

Far too laboured
and just utterly disgusting :P
(keyboardman, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 14:01, closed)

‘Tay-oils of tea’ Hun-ex play-end
Sweet baby Jebus.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 19:04, closed)