Serious Food Poisoning
I'm not sure what it was that did it... Might have been the prawns, might have been the chicken.. but for two day's I'd been in bed, shivvering and sweating as my body tried to work out what the fuck to do.

Each time I tried to eat anything, It'd either find it's way out of my body using one of 2 options, but with equal speed, lack of grace and dis-comfort.

I'm old-school: If I can see and talk then the doctor isn't needed. I revel in my ability to cure all ailments by drinking large amounts of whiskey... and I dispise people who DEMAND antibiotics for ingrowing toenails.

My Girlfriend at the time was of a different opinion... and wanted to SEE me eat the soup that I assured her I'd been eating.

Soup. She made me eat the fucking Chicken soup.

Inevitably, I was on my knees a couple of minutes later as my body rejected the influx of goodness... I was literally shouting soup.

Girlfriend... Strokes me on the back (NOT helpful) as I sweat and concentrate on the feeling of acidic chicken-chunks being forecfully rammed down my nose and into my sinuses... I make mental notes to make her suffer for this.... but with both hands determindly gripping the porcelain rim and a mouth frequently acting as passage-way for a chemical fountain I'm powerless to protest.

Then the soup is gone. My Stomach was empty..
but No... 2 painful minutes later thestomach acid was gone too....

My body wasn't happy. There was clearly something else that it ddn't want.. because for another 5 minutes my stomach was convulsing hard enough to actualy bruise my ribs. All of my muscles were working against me as they tried to get me to cough up my kidneys.

It was at this point that my girlfriend decides she'll offer words of wisdom; simultaniously showing how little she understood about puking:

"Don't strain so hard"

Yeah... That's right... me and my stupid "show-off" way of puking.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 19 Oct 2006, 13:53, Reply)