Used to have this guy working as a senior member of Technical Staff here.....
And if we were stuck on fixing a customer's PC, we'd ask a group of seniors for help. His answer to any situation was "Have you checked your system resources?".

"Got a guy on the phone, stuck on browsing..."
"Have you checked your system resources?"

"Having probs with this guys username and password on the database here."
"Have you checked your system resources?"

"Why the fuck are you a senior?"
"Have you checked your system resources?"

Thank fuck he left.

Also, we have this manager here called TJ who most of us avoid like the plague, as she knows next to fuck-all. Any advice we get from her has practically nothing to do with the job, and even the other managers quietly share our humour of avoiding her at all costs.
One day I had some customer freak on me for some unknown reason (most probs couldn't view porn) and for some unknown reason or other he decided to blame me personally. So I go to grab a manager for the fuckwit and after some serious begging the other managers laff and tell me to get hold of TJ (the bastards). So I explain it to TJ, and she gets her headset and plugs it into my phone.

"Hello sir? I've got one of my managers on the line now, so I'll just pass you over to her." I hit mute, then TJ starts off.
"Hi you're through to TJ, how can I help?"
The customer sounds puzzled, then replies "TJ? That isn't even a name!".
TJ broke down crying right beside me, while I struggled not to piss myself laughing. I can't remember if she helped him or not, as she was fucking useless.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 24 Oct 2006, 10:15, Reply)