not mine, done already
All right it's slightly off as it’s not me but my mate did it in style.

One horny male? Check
One horny female? Check
Enough vodka to anesthetize a Water Buffalo? Check
One bedroom? Check
Best friend asking for your ‘lucky condom’? Check
Wish him well and consider whether he knows that bird has a boyfriend who’s also at the party? Check

The full tale of woe was only fully revealed to the poor lad next morning though.
One best friend appears looking sheepish, bruised, confused and very worried holding a very blood filled condom. Cue much amusement from me in telling him that he obviously has testicular cancer…. The truth was probably going to be too much for him

Best friend’s sister then appears and recounts in decibels above Concorde at 1m on afterburner what actually happened to the one man in the entire building who is having difficulty remembering what happened the night before……

Friend and said girl disappear back to his bedroom with my ‘Geronimo’, both are blind drunk and promptly get down and dirty, pissed girl has very sharp finger nails with which she manages to rip large chunks out of his member and ball sack. Obviously copious lubrication results with my friend thinking, “wow I can get her that wet!”

Now for the best bit….. Girls screams of ecstasy attract attention of her boyfriend who is at the party, he storms in to find my friend on top of his bird who is screaming and covered in blood, unfairly assumes the worst and tries to batter my mate with a lampshade. Takes about 6 people to drag him off and hold him down.
Mate’s sister now appears to see her brother and random bird naked and covered in blood and semen and also assumes the worst… So she dresses her brothers shag, whilst apologizing and saying he’s a lovely guy really and wouldn’t hurt a fly and it’s all been a horrible mistake… she then basically throws both the boyfriend and random bird into the street and tells them both to fuck off home and not to implicate her brother in any dodgy rape allegation ‘cos she’s got ‘mates’! Did I mention she’s his younger sister and is 15 at the time…….

The final nail in his ego coffin is when Caz (a very strange female friend of ours) reveals she was in the bedroom the whole time watching, but had to stop masturbating herself half way through because she was laughing so much at his incompetence she couldn’t keep a good grip on her clit…..


He still has the scars to this day.

No apologies for length, girth or quantity of ‘nature’s lubricant’
(pitviper, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 4:54, Reply)