Kebab shop vom-combo
Go easy, I'm new. Months of lurking has led to me finlly signing up to share this with you.

Aged 14, about 1996, in a town just west of the M25, me and a group of friends had a party. Standard fayre for a bunch of 14 year olds - older brothers or randoms walking past the offie supplied the booze. By 11pm several girls were crying after too much Barcardi Breezer/Malibu and coke, all the boys on cheap stubbies and Super Strongbow.

Come 1am, those of us who hadn't passed out or got lucky on the host's parents' bed decided to trot into town, being 'the lads', and get a manly kebab. Nine or ten of us made the ten minute walk to the sublime Kebab Elite, egging each other on to see who would get the most chilli sauce, pissing on people's doorsteps on the way.

We approached the door salivating, suitably pissed up and wobbly to enjoy our tasty meat of dubious origin. My friend G entered first and we all filed in behind. As he raised his hand to attract attention from the staff, he inhaled, chocked on his chewing gum, coughed, and flopped on the counter, strong cider gushing forth, spilling across the counter, brown and stinky. It was dribbling into the little bowls of salad under the counter, coursing its way across the steel.

Now of course our pissed up 14 year old constitutions were pretty delicate at this stage. I guess the smell must have hit D first, as he doubled up in the corner and spewed on his shoes. And so the chain reaction continued. Me and almost all of my friends had a spewy cidery vom-combo in front of the counter, rougly 8 pissed up kids heaving up copious stinky brown liquid, sloshing around the floor.

Some poor guy sitting alone at a table then brought his just-eaten kebab back up into its wrapper. The guy playing the fruit machine started retching. And the three speechless staff stared, mouths agape, at the sea of bile and booze, having found its way behind the counter, lapping away at their feet. As, with watery eyes, we turned to walk out, filing one after the other, a stunned silence persisted in the air. Not a word was said by anyone present.

But the real magic was, just as I being last out allowed the door to close behind me, the knife weilding meat carver fella chose his moment to boak up his guts. Could only have been better if he'd done it on the griddle and it steamed everywhere.

I have been barred from the place ever since (nearly 15 years now). They still recognise me even though I moved town 5 years ago.

Length? Not bad for a first time.
(dripfed, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 22:04, 11 replies)

hmm...
where is this? south ockendon?

definately essex...

*click*
(baldpig pee'd in your pool on, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 22:55, closed)

WIN
(Caveat Emptor, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 23:11, closed)

Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a winnah!
(anvil, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 23:13, closed)

Wow
That is all
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Tue 12 Jan 2010, 23:32, closed)

Pure Win
Had me convulsing in hysterics this
(lochii, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 1:15, closed)

W00t
Excellent first post.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 3:49, closed)

^^THIS^^
I hope this wins; double points for a first post, surely?
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 9:35, closed)

Heh...ewww...
Sounds like a good night all in all ;)

*click*
( snee held his breath since, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:45, closed)

Quality !!!
Such lovely mental images here, mate. Click!!!
( SpankyHanky, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:51, closed)

Worth waiting for!
Nicely done. Mr Creosote eat your heart out!
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:56, closed)

.
And then vomit it back up and explode.
(almightyjoey is most likely listening to Electric Wizard on, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:50, closed)