Midnite frolics
Last nite I was up late online talking to the missus. Suddenly I heard a strange noise from upstairs. I guessed at what it was and stood on the bed to check (closer to ceiling). Sure enough there was the rythmic pounding away of the sex starved alcoholic bitch upstairs getting a right good seeing to! What's more she's a fucking screamer as well. Worst was to come. 7.50 am dozy cow gets up and proceeds to crank shitty music up to full blast (lyrics to the effect of 'what a beautiful morning/what a great day'). Proceeded to yell 'Shut the fuck up' rather loudly, seemed to have the desired effect eventually. Have decided that if she repeats the same thing tonight that I'll put my guitar amp on top of the wardrobe, full volume, and see how she enjoys having her head explode to a bit of 'Highway to Hell' at 3am. If this sounds harsh then consider this: in one year she has drunkenly fallen asleep and made the bog overflow and leak through the ceiling into my bathroom, set her house on fire only for me to come back after the weekend to find that the water to put it out leaked into my bedroom and all over my bed, regularly plays loud music early in the morning of the shitty club variety, and threatened to call the cops when the missus was round and we were watching a DVD at night. Oh and her fucking dog howls all bloody morning when she gets her alcoholic diseased ass out to whatever shit hole hell she works in. Fucking bitch!
(Polish bstard, Tue 16 Oct 2007, 21:42, 2 replies)

Call Me Sherlock....
..but do I detect some issues here???
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 17 Oct 2007, 8:44, closed)

How about this ...
Go out, buy Chris Rea's (ironically titled) 'Greatest Hits' album, stick it on full volume on repeat, spread out some plastic sheeting to stop the blood that will inevitably drip through the ceiling from staining your carpet, go down the pub for the evening...

The problem will solve itself with a bottle of gin, a knife and a hot bath in time for last orders. Just remember to leave handy hints around for her on Post-Its for a few days beforehand like "slit along the vein, not across" and "Warfarin will stop it clotting".

Apologies. I had a similar problem at around 3 this morning when my upstairs neigbour got home and I had to be up at 5-30 for work so I am a little grouchy today.
(Dionysian Aut viam inveniam aut faciam, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 9:12, closed)