There was this one time...
Her name was Jennifer, we'd been workmates since we were at school and then both worked near each other for a few years after that so we regularly had lunch or caught up for after work drinks.

Jen was a pale, slim and that almost blonde ginge. Attractive, but not really my type. But fuck me did she have a vicious sense of humour. Not unlike myself.
We occasionally came across each other socially and when we did it was always a hoot but nothing ever really happened beyond a few drunken, slurred "I luv ya mate"s.

One night Jen came over to mine after breaking up with her bf a few weeks prior. I was single at the time and all of my house-mates were out for the evening. We had a nice meal - I cooked carbonara from memory and then we plonked on the couch talking.

"I'd love a neck rub" she said. It wasn't the 1st time and hey the beers were hitting the spot for me. After a while she lifted her blouse up and asked me to continue on her back.
Eyebrows raised but what the hell. I wasn't brave or keen enouhg at this point to tell her that to do it properly I'd need to undo her bra. After a while she turned around (now just in her bra) and offered to return the favour. I got the cushions off the couch, put down a towel, got some baby oil, lay down on my tummy, took my shirt off and told her to go to town.

For a 5', skinny, pale thing she had some nice strong fingers. I was almost dozing off when she piped up "My turn." Off came her bra with very little self-consciousness and after she lay down I straddled her (now I noticed) pert bum and started rubbing baby oil into her back with great gusto.
I had to address the elephant in the room eventually - "Umm, Jen I got a raging hardon. Sorry but you know, biology etc.". "I know." she purred. Then she rolled over and we kissed - it just seemed to happen.

"I think we need to take this out of the lounge-room" I said. She said "I don't mind what we do tonight but nothing penetrative." OK. I tidied the lounge up and walked into my bedroom finding her naked on the bed. "Leave your boxers on" she told me as I got undressed.
We kissed and then I fondled her small pert boobs and then sucked on the ripe little nubbins. She laid right back, I put a pillow under the small of her back, spread her lips and then then started slurping, sucking & licking.
I must have felt her shudder about 4 times before I tried to push a couple of fingers into her to really finish her off (there is a rough spot just behind the pubic mound on the inside of a ladies vajizzle that for every woman I have touched has made them buck their hips like a bronco - particularly whilst sucking on their engorged clit - call it a g-spot, whatever, I just know it fucking works). She stopped me so I climbed on top of her and ground against her wettness with the tip and shaft of my cock behind my [silk] boxers. We just rolled around for hours like that. I think that was one of the best frottage experiences I have ever had.

After a while we rolled over and dozed, then we had a shower where we slowly washed each other quite carefully - the way one partner gives the other a bed bath when they're crook.

Not once did she touch my cock in a randy manner, I didn't even cum that night (trust me it didn't take me long to knock 1 out afterwards).
My wanking fantasy: if only my cock had slipped completely out of the top or between the "pee-hole" fold of my boxers and I'd been able to 'inadvertently' thrust myself into Jen's ripe, wet ted.

We had lunch at work a couple of days later with nary a mention of that night. I ended up in her bed a couple of months later where I again treated her to some very enjoyable mouth & tongue entertainment. But that was all.

About 6 mths. later she rang me - we'd both taken different jobs and drifted apart and she told me - "I want you to come over and fuck me senseless". "Sorry", I told her "I'm kinda busy.", she asked me if I had someone there with me. I told her yes. She asked me if it was someone special, I replied in the positive...
That someone special is gonna be home from work in an hour or so and our daughter is itching to show her the library books we got today.

Haven't seen, nor heard from Jen since. Oh the times I've had imagining.

Length: Well the old fella was well and truly poking out the top of my boxers.
TBH If I were single & she rang me today. I'd probably say no.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 25 Aug 2012, 7:48, 10 replies)

I'm sure you've check Okcupid to see if she has a profile.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 9:46, closed)

Ohohohhohohohohhoho.
Funny fellow.
However, no she doesn't.
But she hasn't written a book you can bang on about either.

Bad luckz fer you. Eh?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 25 Aug 2012, 10:10, closed)

Still, it's good luck for you she doesn't have an OKcupid or ring you.
It means your marriage will still survive.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 14:03, closed)

See MT's response below.
At least fucking read the post properly before you respond AB. Getting slow in yer dotage there old man.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 25 Aug 2012, 21:31, closed)

Ironically, MT's post is the most generic of them all here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 26 Aug 2012, 13:33, closed)

Nup
wrong there stringbean.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 26 Aug 2012, 19:37, closed)

Really, I've only ever seen him post either 'God you're so unoriginal' or 'actually it's you who's upset *insulting term here*'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 27 Aug 2012, 18:20, closed)

Generic shit reply #217 'The Okcupid'

Generally used when generic wankstains can't think of a better reply.


*Wipes wankstains replies away*
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 16:21, closed)

Generic shit reply #217 'The SMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 17:40, closed)

In 6 months you got a live-in partner and had a child old enough to read and rent library books and talk?
Or had you cheated on her the previous times with Jen? Or is the girl not yours but you're just a stand up guy who treats her like she is?
I don't understand.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 15:34, closed)

No that italicised part was related to today, not in the past.
The rest all happened prior to me getting together with my wife, living together for a few years, getting married, buying a house, having a child, buying another house and raising said child. Who now reads at a 12 yo.'s level. And hence really enjoys going to the library.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 25 Aug 2012, 21:33, closed)

Ok.
It just read like "I replied in the positive... She'll be home". As if that was your answer.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 22:19, closed)

The change of font style was supposed to denote the special person.
Sry if it wasn't clear, can't really think how to edit it to make that clearer.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 25 Aug 2012, 23:19, closed)

So your "wanking fantasy" involves rape?
(TheJacksonSixth, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 15:56, closed)

Kinda, I spose.
But no not really.

EDIT: after the arsehole response I reread just incase there was some misinformation. Just to be clear - at no time did any part of me enter her (bar my tongue but that was more her mouth than vagina & she certainly didn't complain.), at no time apart from the shower did I completely dis-robe. I did exactly what was asked of me, much to her repeated delight. What excited me was the feeling of what might have been.
You might want to google "sexual denial" before you throw terms like rape into the mix.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 25 Aug 2012, 21:33, closed)

Nah, you're OK.
but it's a slightly frustrating story.

The least she could have done was a soapy titwank in the shower. It's only polite.
(username failed moderation, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 9:32, closed)

poof, you should have just done her, they all want it.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 21:29, closed)

That's more like it.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 25 Aug 2012, 21:34, closed)

EXACTLY.

(DefinitelyNOTAmorousBadgerOhNo, Mon 27 Aug 2012, 18:21, closed)

This
really needs to win.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 27 Aug 2012, 21:45, closed)