Boat...
Yes. A flippin' boat.

I've lived by the sea all my life, and a few years ago I sold my house and rented a flat for a while. Right on the sea. As you do, I bought a telescope to look out at sea. From where I was, I could clearly see France, and I could see French people sailing about in their boats and having what looked like to me, a lovely, free-as-the-air type time.
So, I bought a boat...for 500 quid.
Eventually, after reading about sailing and how to do it, I figured I knew enough to get in it and have a go.
I went into work, saw my boss; told him I was going sailing instead of coming in and then went and picked up my girlfriend from the pub.
We drove to a local lake, only to be told that whilst they allowed jet-skis, they didn't allow sailing boats as they were too dangerous(wtf??).
We drove to another load of natural lakes where my dad used to sail when I was a nipper. Back then, you could drive up to the lake, unhook your boat and get on with it. Now there were big wooden fences up with barbed wire on top and a sign saying something along the lines of "Danger. You Might Get Wet. No Admittance"
After much faffing about I decided that I'd go in the sea. I mean, the worse that can happen is that I end up in France or something.
So we take the boat back home and after much more faffing about and several pissed villagers giving advice on the rigging - one even rigged it up so the ropes hung out the back of the boat - we got into the water.
Of course, I forgot about the 'self-bailers' and quickly the boat filled with water. My girlfriend was becoming increasingly annoyed and eventually threw the rudder at me. It missed, but did end up in the drink, outside of the boat. Cue much hilarity. Not.
We floated about for a bit, and eventually the waves pushed us back to shore, where we struggled in mud to get the bloody thing out of the water and back onto the launching trailer.
Unbeknown to me at the time, my so-called mates were standing about on the sea wall pissing themselves with a pint each and a camera. Thanks for the help chaps!
So, three years later, I still have a wonderful looking, rather expensive garden ornament with a waterproof canvas cover.

Anyone want to buy a perfectly good, working Miracle?

Just be sure you know how to bloody sail the thing.

Pah! Another slightly romantic dream shattered!
(dchurch bah, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 19:05, 5 replies)

Buying a boat.
Yeah, it sounds like a brilliant idea at the time doesn't it.
I spent a fair proportion of a redundancy cheque on a half share of a boat. A boat ffs.

I used it once - the engine conked out before it got 10 yards. It sat unused in Penzance harbour before doing the decent thing* and sinking during a storm.

Still, at least some people were impressed by my owning a boat - unlike my PlayStation3. A boat says 'sleek' a PS3 says 'geek'.

And I'll briefly stab my psyche with a stick by bringing up my marriage. No I better not. Suffice to say I spent all my money on a wedding for a marriage that lasted 8 months.

* The fucking thing was underwater so at least I didn't have to look at it any more.
(HarvsPenzance was tired and confused at, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 21:45, closed)

50
Someone once said that having a sailing boat is a little like standing under a freezing cold shower whilst tearing up fifty-pound notes. This may well be true.

The trick is to have a good friend who has a boat, and go off sailing when the weather's fine. Just spent a weekend doing just that (and, yes, I am aware that my smugness should award me a default Accord).

Sell it, and enjoy...
(groover j lazerus, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 21:46, closed)

Lol wahey sailor boy
I can sail well, but what do you want for it! Im skint btw!!
Much love
[email protected]
Rusty
(morrigan456 made sex wee on, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 22:26, closed)

the two happiest days in a boat-owners life
the day you buy it

&

the day you sell it
(weaselinajetengine, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 1:14, closed)

How do you get a small fortune from owning a boat?
Start off with a large fortune.
(kitescreech still here, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 20:09, closed)