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Universalpsykopath tugs our coat and says: Tell us about your feats of deduction and the little mysteries you've solved. Alternatively, tell us about the simple, everyday things that mystified you for far too long.

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 12:52)
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Dog Farts
Id long wondered why, as a human, Mrs Kite can produce loud, ripping botty burps, but dogs just produce a face melting stink with minimal noise. Then one day it came to me; buttocks! Dogs have no buttocks to be parted and slapped back together when the gas escapes, whereas humans do!

And they say I waste my time.
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 7:21, 15 replies)
Now we just need to convince scientists to fit a dog with buttocks
to prove your theory.
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 8:42, closed)

or cut off yours
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 9:19, closed)

*waits for build up*

*raises one cheek from chair*


Nope. Definitely no billowing buttocks there. Rather a pure, sonorous Johann Sebastian Bach-type trumpet solo.
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 8:58, closed)
In that case
You need to change your username.
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 9:24, closed)
If I had to turn my arse inside out to poo,
then I don't think my sphincter muscle would be capable of clapping for sound.
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 9:37, closed)
My guess
Human beings learnt to walk upright, which rotates our pelviss. The last bit of your bum tube must get bent upwards, like a saxaphone, thus creating 'pursed lips' leading to a vibrant, noisy expulsion of gasses.

Experiment: Try sitting like a dog sits and fart. You'll probably just silently shit yourself.
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 9:39, closed)

It’s been postulated that the fart noise in humans came about as a warning call, used if a member of an early humanoid tribe met a sudden danger.

It’s detailed in the paper; Anal Trumpet Alarm Calls in Pre-Vocal Hominidea. Brunet, Michel; Guy, Pilbeam, Taisso, et al, Nature (Nature Publishing Group) 418 (6894): 145–151.
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 10:23, closed)

I'm always left with a sense of wonder at the slapstick-comic, pathetic burble-squelch of the fanny fart. From whence it comes?
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 10:51, closed)
Ah! Now we’re moving into fluid dynamics

(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 11:42, closed)
I actually looked this up. I'm a terrible nerd.

(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 15:05, closed)
So did I
more in hope that it actually existed. Ah well.
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 22:49, closed)
Please, please, please
You HAVE to write this article!
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 18:59, closed)
My dog has loud farts.
And they smell of road kill.
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 10:53, closed)
My cat's breath
smells of cat food.
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 15:06, closed)
My dog
(now ex dog sadly) used to sit and let out a very small 'pfrrrrrt' and then look accusingly at his own arse.

Then at me. I made sure he knew I had noticed.
(, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 11:26, closed)

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