Dog Farts
Id long wondered why, as a human, Mrs Kite can produce loud, ripping botty burps, but dogs just produce a face melting stink with minimal noise. Then one day it came to me; buttocks! Dogs have no buttocks to be parted and slapped back together when the gas escapes, whereas humans do!

And they say I waste my time.
(kitescreech still here, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 7:21, 15 replies)

Now we just need to convince scientists to fit a dog with buttocks
to prove your theory.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 8:42, closed)

or cut off yours
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 9:19, closed)

*waits for build up*

*raises one cheek from chair*

*releases*

Nope. Definitely no billowing buttocks there. Rather a pure, sonorous Johann Sebastian Bach-type trumpet solo.
(roysin, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 8:58, closed)

In that case
You need to change your username.
( Ghoti Fingers, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 9:24, closed)

If I had to turn my arse inside out to poo,
then I don't think my sphincter muscle would be capable of clapping for sound.
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 9:37, closed)

My guess
Human beings learnt to walk upright, which rotates our pelviss. The last bit of your bum tube must get bent upwards, like a saxaphone, thus creating 'pursed lips' leading to a vibrant, noisy expulsion of gasses.

Experiment: Try sitting like a dog sits and fart. You'll probably just silently shit yourself.
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 9:39, closed)

It’s been postulated that the fart noise in humans came about as a warning call, used if a member of an early humanoid tribe met a sudden danger.

It’s detailed in the paper; Anal Trumpet Alarm Calls in Pre-Vocal Hominidea. Brunet, Michel; Guy, Pilbeam, Taisso, et al, Nature (Nature Publishing Group) 418 (6894): 145–151.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 17 Oct 2011, 10:23, closed)

I'm always left with a sense of wonder at the slapstick-comic, pathetic burble-squelch of the fanny fart. From whence it comes?
(roysin, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 10:51, closed)

Ah! Now we’re moving into fluid dynamics

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 17 Oct 2011, 11:42, closed)

I actually looked this up. I'm a terrible nerd.

(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Mon 17 Oct 2011, 15:05, closed)

So did I
more in hope that it actually existed. Ah well.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 22:49, closed)

Please, please, please
You HAVE to write this article!
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 18:59, closed)

My dog has loud farts.
And they smell of road kill.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 10:53, closed)

My cat's breath
smells of cat food.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 15:06, closed)

My dog
(now ex dog sadly) used to sit and let out a very small 'pfrrrrrt' and then look accusingly at his own arse.

Then at me. I made sure he knew I had noticed.
(Nigella Pussycat picking baked-in hair from creme brulee, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 11:26, closed)