"We have to talk"
.. is what I can hear the wife composing in her mind right now.

My litany of crimes percieved and real is endless.

* Just this morning I walked off with "her tabacco" - it was in the place where I leave mine and she normally smokes straights.

* I'm too fat and won't loose wieight for her - if she wasn't a f**king chef who has either been cooking f**king lovelly food for me at home or making me go and eat at her work place, or didn't come home and make me go to the pub for last orders and then sit around til 2 am just "having a quick drink" then maybe I wouldn't be

* I drink too much - see above

* I don't work hard enough - the number of "her induced" hangovers make this somewhat likely (see above) - well excluding the hours spent on here, arrse, funtrivia, etc etc - so she may have a small point - then again I never do that when I'm not hungover

* I don't pay her enough attention - I would if she wasn't always at f**king work earning a f**king pittance with a boss that has seen her coming and now does f**k all ... so what if he has a new kid - he still has a business to run

* I once had an affair - true - was forgiven - allegedly - and now can never, never be allowed to forget I was shagging a "fat, ginger, emo"

* I'm not allowed to wash her chefs stuff - mind you I'd have too leave her a map and directions on how to do it herself - and still have to hang the stuff up myself.

* If her mate moves in I'll just want to bang her - we'll don't move a mate in who is allegedly "a 6 foot leggy blond, late 30's, bangs like a barn door in a gale" if you are using all the above excuses to starve said husband of sex

* I waste money - hah - bought the 747 for complimentary peanuts ... not sure she gets that one!

Length - I could have done 1,000,000 words - but I still love her!
(Biff..., Fri 20 Apr 2007, 15:47, Reply)