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This is a question We have to talk

Conversations that start, "We have to talk..." are never good.

Tell us about the ones you've been trapped in.

(, Fri 20 Apr 2007, 9:34)
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I remember the first time one of my ex-girlfriends sprung the "We need to talk" line. You know that feeling guys? It's going well and you just shit yourself. Did she find out about your bit on the side? Did she find your porn stash? Did she see the light on the camera you set up last week to film yourself bumming her? Your thoughts go about 100 miles per hour, wondering what the fuck she's gonna say.

"What is it?" I ask sweetly, trying to mask the 'Oh fucks!' thoughts in my mind.

"I've seen you."

This line annoys me. 'I've seen you.' Have you? Really? So you're not fucking blind? Obviously I didn't say that - "What do you mean?"

"With Kristin."

Oh shit. The moment she says that, you're beginning to wonder to what extent she's seen you. Has she seen you flirting with her? Has she seen you having a look at her arse? Has she seen you hugging her a bit too closely? Has she seen you fucking the senses out of her? You could go with 'What did you see?', but that's suspicious. Instead I asked "Whatever do you mean?", perhaps too strained.

"On your phone."

Shit. The video!

"That video you took of you boning her while you were pissed a couple of weeks ago! Don't think I haven't seen it you deceitful fuck!"

I can't work my way out of this one, can I?

"Baby ..." I start, but as is the case, I'm cut off.

"Don't 'baby' me! I know the way everyone looks at her! With such affection! She's so likeable! I know how you think she's fit! I've seen you watching her arse, knowing how high it is!"

I'm lost for words. But that doesn't matter, because this teary wreck is still going!

"You want me to have an arse like hers? It's not even that nice, it's just high in the air and she shows it off! That's what you like, isn't it!" She's grabbing her arse now, pulling it up. "You like that, do you!?"

Oh dear.

"And you on the video, saying about how you love the shape of her nipples! What the fuck is wrong with mine?" She's got her tits out now, pinching and pulling at her nipples. "Like this? What about this? Do I need my nipples like this!?"

I just stand there, with my mouth hanging. What the fuck would you do?

"You like her black hair do you? You want me to dye mine black? BLACK LIKE YOUR HEART!?" she shrieks, her face red, puffy and wet with salty tears. "I can have black hair! I can be just like Kristin!"

I'm still speechless.

"You were saying that you loved that pussy!" she pulled her trousers and underwear down. The painters are in. It's horrible. "How do you want me to have my pussy? Hairy and horrible? Shaven and well-kept? You wanted me to be flexible and lick myself out?" She bends forward and comes back up, blood all over her mouth and cheeks. "How do you like that, you cunt!?"

"Baby ..." I say, going to place my hand on her shoulder. She just bats it off.

"Don't touch me!" she yells, blubbering. She stops, making those crying sounds you make, then looks up at me and yells again. "I'm leaving! It's over, you disgusting, cat-fucking freak!" She storms out.

I just stood silently, unaware of what to do, before, a few moments later, comes a gentle 'mew' from beside me. I look down to my black cat, who looks back up at me.

"You always make me feel better, Kristin." I say. What a fucking great pussy.
(, Fri 20 Apr 2007, 19:21, Reply)

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