If Your bad you go to hull
Back when I was 19 I left college and agreed to go and work for my father for a couple of months in a boatyard on Hull, this involved me sitting around, reading the paper and saying things like “I could have my father fire you” whenever someone moaned about my total lack of work and motivation. Now being a country boy from the south Hull was a bit of an eye opener for me, I was particularly intrigued by the ladies of the night (but did not indulge … honest).

Anyway to cut a long story short I’d started talking to some girl who lived on Hull whom we’ll call “A” on AIM a little while before I left for my 2 months of work there, after I got talking to my co workers on my first day, they all invited me out that night. Upon meeting them at a pub called The Dram Shop (if memory serves) it soon became clear that their new purpose in life was to get the bosses son as drunk as possible and extract as many embarrassing stories about my father from me as they could. Now I have never been a violent drunk but a rather emotional one instead so by midnight I’m sat on the floor in the middle of the lobby in the hotel where we are all staying crying my eyes out and telling everyone how they don’t understand me.

The next day I had possibly the worst hangover I have ever experienced, made worse by the fact I was supplied with some coke and mixed my drunks all night, I decided to take things a little easier that night and I text the girl whom I had been talking to on AIM and she said to meet her that evening in The Dram Shop (a bad sign right away). That evening rolled around and I sat at the bar casually looking expectantly at every girl that walked in until in walked what can only be described as a blue haired punk/goth nightmare, now I have done the whole hair dye thing and thought that whatever the evening brought could only be an improvement on the night before so I gave her a chance.

After her mumbling for an hour and me trying to find ways of asking her to repeat everything she said so I might understand it she offered to take me out and about, within 5 minutes of getting into her car we had gone up on pavements, hit dustbins, gone through red lights whilst she played industrial metal as loud as she could, I then noticed there were an alarming amount of knives in the car and when I asked what they were for she just laughed and said “fun”!!!!. Upon arriving outside another pub I asked her how long she’d been driving, her reply was “oh on and off for years, I can only take the car when my parents are out as I don’t have a licence”, It turned out that not only did she not have a driving licence but she had never actually even had a driving lesson. Already startled by my encounter with the female antichrist I then realised she had driven me to the middle of nowhere and I had no idea how to get back to town alone if I had to. Inside I met some of her friends, and watched as a man of about 80 put his cock into the cage that contained a topless dancer (in the pub in the village where I’d grown up all we had was a juke box), for about 20 minutes one of her male friends tried to grab my old chap every chance he got while the rest of them talked about knives, guns and fuck knows what else.

I said i had to go make a call on my mobile outside and then ran as fast as my little legs would carry me, I eventually hailed a taxi and made it back to my hotel and vowed to only to go out with my co workers for the rest of my stay in Hull. I have never been back to Hull since and to be honest have little desire to, nor have I ever entered a chat room again.

This is my first time so you have no choice but to excuse my length
(Sub-Lingual Hates You, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 14:37, Reply)