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This is a question I met a weirdo on the interweb

Now, I've met lots of nice people on the internet - but it's the weird ones that stick in your mind. Such as the guy who borrowed a film off me in Cambridge and turned out to be so smelly, so hairy, so nervous and, well, so downright needy that I've never bothered getting it back.

Tell us about the strange people you've met on the internet.

(, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 9:31)
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This question is now closed.

Weird Australian
After drunkenly taking down a lady friends email address and getting it wrong by one letter i found myself chatting on msn to some weird girl in australia of the same name. After rabbiting on to her for 15mins or so about what happened down the pub the previous weekend i asked why she had a picture of a fat ugly girl as her display pic. It was then that i realised this wasnt actually my friend and i had insulted some poor australian with a TURBO ugly face. Does that make me the internet weirdo or is it her for actually taking an interest in a strangers suffolk pub stories???
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 13:43, Reply)
Fat Lasses.
A random girl added me once and she creeped me out so much I blocked her.

One day my friend was nicking my contacts and stole this girl and somehow fell in love with her.

The next week he got me to go to alton towers with him and who did he force me to meet? This hugely fat girl from Wolverhampton and her nearly equally fat ginger best friend.

I payed £25 for the privilege of being squashed against this ginger freak all day with my friend trying to get me to be her boyfriend.

I was so glad when we had to go home.

The next week he tricks me into meeting them again.

I kicked him in the balls, ran to the bus stop and caught the bus home just in time.

Thank God.

No apologies for length, she didn't apologise for being fat.
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 13:21, Reply)
Liquid Virus

Read any of his posts; the man is the most obsessive weirdo I've met. Having had a little flamewar with him, I found myself the subject of threats to be stalked, as well as being informed that I was arguing with a man who "has defeated the finest legal minds in the land". Presumably he did this by threatening to follow them home...

Apart from the lady who calls herself fask and posts on the Bill Hicks website. Now SHE has issues....
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 13:19, Reply)
Back in the day (when I was about 13ish) I had a yahoo name and would go online to talk to mates and randomers that added me. Apparently pinky is a big name in India, so I always had loads of Indians adding me and chatting. One day some guy started talking to me, dunno how it happened but it lead to him asking me to marry him, apparently he was well-off as some type of computer dude. As things went on he gave me his address, tell me all about his family that I would be living with and going on about how much he loved me and couldn't wait to meet me. He booked tickets so that I could fly out, gave me all the flight details...

I stopped using yahoo
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 13:18, Reply)
Shit - that's me
I was a member of a poker website. I never played any of the really high stake games; I think the highest I ever played was $5. Anyway, after a particularly bad spell, I managed to spazz all my cash and was down to about 10c. Then I hit upon a clever idea. I changed my user profile to that of an elderly woman who loves cats, etc. I started joining in the live chat that went with the game, talking about my lovely grandchildren and everything.

Man, it WORKED! I was no longer getting bullied off bets, and people seemed to let me get away with all sorts. In no time, I had clawed my way up from 10c to $20, and was going from strength to strength. (Not huge money, I know. But there you go).

The problem was that I really got involved with this character I had created. I almost started believing I was this lovely old lady who grew tomatoes and gave money to the poor. The more I talked to (and distracted) my opponents, the happier they seemed to be. Then suddenly it hit me. This website must be full of sad lonely bastards yearning for a nice family and homely, granny-cooked dinners. That, and the fact that I felt like a Patrick Bateman/Mrs. Doubtfire hybrid led to me cancelling my registration. I still feel like I need a shower when I think about it now.
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 13:15, Reply)
I got beaten up at school
I regually used to get beaten up at school for being late.
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 13:13, Reply)
More online escapades...
Started talking to some dude randomly on my area on icq...then my best friend went to his college... then i finally methim (when they started going out)... and three years later im going out with him and you would never know that we first met on the internet w00t.

I have actively gone out and met someone from the net only once. with disastrous results. i thought one day why not, i will give it a go, me and my friend was talking to a guy who seemed okay, sent pictures and he looked pretty damn alright (okay it was just his head) said they were recent photos etc, used to talk to him for hours, then we said he could come down for a weekend and visit! the weekend of a hugeparty. He booked the tickets then he went all wierd. We soon found out about his obsession of being 8 stone and not eating or sleeping, also random sexual obsessions and very very very high insecurity levels. also his penchant of doing things with reckless abandon. he met a girl whle he was talking to us and they went for a walk or something, she abandoned him in the woods miles away from where he lived and he slept in the woods and then hitch hiked home the next morning... we were soon to find out possible reasons for his unlucky abandonment. I turn up to find, he is huge. Absolutely huge. like i had never seen anyone with such a big ass. also rampantly bisexual, and approached most people in my party asking for kisses, i had to stop him from almost being punched by the uberstraight guys i know. Very very very touchy feely. You have to understand i was only being polite when i snogged him...he didnt liek rejection... i did not want to be alone whatsoever in the presence of this person. me and my friend spent most of the weekend fending him off and i refused to go home alone in case he tried anything. He used to buy 6 packs of coke and down them all one after another. then eat a 24bag of crisps.that was his diet. no wonder he was fat. anyway, he was wierd. when he went home we blocked him. now he thinks we hate us...wierdo.

After the internet was a major factor in splitting up my family, you know giving it a chance i thought it would be a good idea. obviously not....
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 11:46, Reply)
Not Me but a friend......Honest.
Is a Grade A Groomer! He's 34 and spends most of his life either playing Halo/Talking about Halo or grooming other sados on XBOX Live.

That i thought was bad enough untill i found out that most of the time he doesnt even play the game, but they all gather in a map and walk arround chatting, but the most disturbing point of all is although he's from London he puts on a Gruff New York accent and ends up sounding like a cross between an extra from the supranos and Dick Van dyke!

Next thing he'll be asking for cyber Bitty!
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 11:45, Reply)
Today Sesame Street was brought to you by the number three and the word Teledildonics!
Hmm. I went out with this girl for a while whose life revolved around a whole bunch of weirdos that she knew online in some text only vampire adventure world that she helped run and moderate.

Yes, I know, the phrase "text only vampire adventure world" should have been a huge clue and an even bigger warning. Practically all of her life was held online; I was one of the only people that she knew in what she painfully referred to as RL.

As she mostly interacted with these people online, I rarely met them but this was sadly far too often. The first lot I met were this distinctly creepy couple - she was the standard issue short, round gothette, he was a cadaverously thin and pimply medical student (of unknown number of years of study, he kept failing and being bankrolled by parents to retake years of tuition). He let it be known practically on arrival that they were 'open' and quite happy to experiment.

I was tempted to let them know that I was 'closed' but willing to experiment on them medically but declined politely (well politely by my standards). The mental image of the pair of them at it was too horrible to contemplate - her short roundness and his stick thin-ness, joining together like some obscene goth punctuation mark. Eeww!

The rest of her friends were single females identical to the girlfriend of the above couple. I remember her telling me in advance of meeting each of her friends that so and so was 'good company'. Good company must be some code phrase for small, overly needy fat mentalist with an obsession for cheesy musicals.

Curiously, not being anywhere near as odd as my girlfriend's friends made me look like the weirdo (which I probably am, but it's all relative).

I think she indulged an awful lot online in what she referred to as TSing, where TS stands for Tiny Sex, which in turn stands for cybersex, ultimately acting as a euphemism for glopping away furiously, on your own, your frantically jiggling hands lit only by the glow of a CRT tube while some random stranger does the same thing in a dank bedsit somewhere in Romford.

I think it was her that told me the science around making future kit for cybersex is known as Teledildonics.
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 11:35, Reply)
First of all there was my moms stalker who phoned every school in my town to find out where my dad worked, tried to get a story in the local paper about us and sent my mom the most disgusting emails about most horrifically disgusting fetish topics (which i happend to nosey about and read being my nosey 15 year old self) and also used to ring us alot and be a pain in the butt...he has injunctions now...

Then she started going into crazy american chatrooms and spending rather an awful amount of time on the phone to america and canada, you couldnt get near the phone when one of her friends 'fell into a coma'.

They all eventually decided to have a meet in boston so my mom went to my disgust and apprehension of meeting totally random internet people. The day she was due back she phoned home and said she wasnt coming back for a while. Cue myself demanding information about the now obviously wreckered marriage between my parents. Cue me drinking an entire bottle of vodka and throwing up for the first time!.

Then my mom comes back eventually only to say parents are divorcing and shes going to canada to live with a interweb dude...1 week before i was due to take my gcses. Anyway she comes back with him about a year later gets married and lives happily ever after and now my family size has quadrupled and i have to spend extortionate amounts of money on xmas presents.and i have a cute baby brother. anyway its all okay now...
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 11:33, Reply)
by proxy....
I seem to have done this whole thing in reverse... kind of.
I moved up to edinburgh a few years ago, and not knowing any-one in the area (for some reason) decided i'd just join a scottish gaming clan, and meet some locals that way (okay....). To my utter surprise i ended up meeting the nicest bunch of guys, who took me under my wing, went out drinking, went to various LANs... gosh, "what a utopian haven the internet truly is" i thought.
Following the usual bends in the road of life i ended up starting evening classes with one of these internet 'chums', and met (to my mind) the nicest girl on earth, downside is she was visiting the UK to improve her english for her career... she works for a major toyko newspaper. So our relationship is now entirely online, and it's making me twitch, and in a neat reversal i started chatting to a girl in real life, took the relationship to the next stage... the internet, and now it's making ME wierd :(

Still i get to visit tokyo every 2 months, and am moving to hawaii after my phd, god bless the only coutry who's 2 main languages are english/japanese. and praise the motherfucking lord for the internet! :D
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 11:21, Reply)
I joined Udate once. I got only one reply in three months, "Jenny from Loughton". She wrote "God you are absolutely gorgeous, I don't care how bad your personality is let's meet!" I didn't meet her though, she looked a bit downsy. Long may I regret that decision.
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 11:16, Reply)
I met this guy online...
He told me to take a red pill to set my mind free!

I woke up 3 hours later biting a pillow!

Bastard Morpheus!
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 10:54, Reply)
A while ago
I met a girl off a chatroom ages ago. I was probably about 14 or 15 and I think they were the same age. She sent me a pic and said she was coming to Bristol with a mate. I remember she seemed nice enough, I don't remember her name for shit but I do remember her mate's name was "BrokenDoll". Nice.

It turned out to be an OK day despite visiting all the goth shops in the area, and discovering all her mates websites were about haloween, black, and crows.

A few people I've met off car forums have been fine, and I've chatted to a few girls but always been fairly apprehensive meeting them incase they're proper bunny boilers. But then, maybe they're thinking the same thing about me and true love has often been denied...

(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 10:17, Reply)
What they don’t tell you
I have been on a few blind dates with people I’ve met over the web… what these online dating agencies never, ever tell you is that all the men you actually meet (despite what it says on their resumes) will be deeply, deeply short ….

Oh, and also socially dysfunctional…

An example: We met outside a large firm of accountants in the West-End because he had worked there and it was “the only place [he] knew in London” (despite, as it turned out, having lived there for many years). I was to recognise him by his favourite white polo shirt. This was an inspired bit of information as I wouldn’t have recognised the portly five-footer by his web-description of athletic, six-foot sports freak …

We met at 3 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon. I suggested we pop across the road to the nearest bar for a drink. But, oh no! He couldn’t do that as that particular bar held “very traumatic memories” for him (possibly he had been spurned by some other shrewd woman there)… “WTF?” I thought, but agreed to go further a field … There followed a desperate troll round the pubs of the West-End searching for a bar with a free seat because he refused to stand up in a pub (“It’s just not civilised”)…

After a fruitless search he turned to me and said; “Let’s just go straight to Pizza Express.” This might not seem like an odd demand, save that it was 3.30 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon (I felt like I’d just had lunch) and we had not discussed eating, let alone where … But, my motto being “acquiescence in all things”, I went along with it and tried to force down a pizza I wasn’t at all in the mood to stomach …

The conversation over dinner went from bad to worse … First we discussed politics. I don’t mind people having different politics from me, but when they are to the right of Hitler it tends to jar badly with my to the left of Kier Hardie views … The low point was when we began to discuss the films we hated most. I waxed lyrical for some minutes on the total and utter crapness of Forest Gump, a film I really do HATE more than life itself … there was a silence followed by him saying in a small voice, “well, it’s my very favourite film, but anyhow …”

To sum up, we were really not suited and so I was more than a little surprised when, as I tired to hurriedly squeeze through the barriers at the tube before he could lunge, he expressed a wish to do it all again as soon as possible…. Men are strange …
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 10:02, Reply)
a girl at my county's other high school
talked to her across messenger a few times over the course of a couple years, usually one of us saying "man i can't believe i never see you, you have friends at my school and whatnot" and there were times when we'd walked right past each other and not realized it till we were too late. last time i talked to her (about a year ago) i said "well let's cut the shy crap, if you see me in public, just come up and shake my hand and say hi."

flash forward a year, i'm back in town from uni for spring break, first night i'm back i go to dinner with the folks. as i walk towards me seat, she comes at me and starts shaking me hand, i barely recognize her, she says "rachel!" and i'm like oh! hey rachel! i'd all but forgotten about the handshaking thing. random, but i was astounded that she'd become quite fit since i'd last seen her.

spent the rest of the evening explaining the scenario to my confused parents... "so you've only talked to her on the internet... about ten times... over the last couple of years?" quite awkward.

/why thank you, i'm rather proud of the girth, myself...
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 5:46, Reply)
Such happy, happy times
Met an American lass on t'interweb, met up, drank, got on pretty well, fast foward nine months on and she's starting to force the marriage question somewhat. This had nothing to do with her being over illegally whatsoever.

Ended up with her squatting in my flat, fun with the local police. Truly random fun.

Still, I was pleased; the first happy yet lyrically bitter breakup song I've ever written: FAT
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 3:17, Reply)
This very QOTW came about with a chat with Fraser and Chthonic in the pub.
We were there to discuss "ideas for image challenges and QOTWs for B3ta."

Someone suggested "I met a weirdo on the interweb ..." and I looked about the table and said, "er... I only know you two guys because of B3ta."

There was a small silence, then a bit of laughter, then general agreement that it was a good question for you lot.
(, Tue 21 Mar 2006, 2:21, Reply)
Wanted Criminal Nutter
A group of girls lived in the flat across the hall from me at Uni in Oxford. One of whom was a little bit of a chatroom addict. She would spend hours and hours on some chatroom speaking to various people. Here she met a guy who lived close to her home town. They conversed for a while and then she invited him to visit. We were all a little cautious, having heard many interweb nutter stories before, nevertheless he seemed nice enough. We ventured out to the student club night and proceeded to get very drunk, and during the evening, he dissapeared. We found him outside at the end of the night, sitting on a wall.

On the walk back to our halls he explained that he had been escorted out of the club by plain clothes police officers, taken to the nearest station and questioned for two hours. Once back at the flat he stood by the window peeking through the curtains and explaining how 'the FBI' were out there, hiding behind cars and bushes watching his every move, and how 'they're always there, but can never be seen'.

I later discovered from a friend that he'd been kicked out of the club by a bouncer, after vomiting in the corner of the room.
(, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 23:42, Reply)
Big Spiderman Shirt
I was 15, he was 16.

We'd been talking for a few months on t'net after my cousin told him I was his type and he was mine etc etc. He said he was 5"9 with broad shoulders, brown hair and green eyes. After talking of life and music, and other such things one talks about at the tender age of 15, we decide that we *must* meet, as we have the most deep and meaningful conversations, via MSN. I ask for a photo, but alas, no scanner/webcam/digital camera etc. Naive and innocent, me thinks fair enough, he's described himself pretty well and my cousin tells me he's quite a nice looking chappy.
We decide to meet in Wolverhampton (ha). We both decide to take friends with us, hell, maybe they can get together too. So we arrange a meeting point. He told me he would be wearing a spiderman shirt, which I thought was a bit sad, but at least I could easily recognise him. Look over to where we're supposed to be meeting and, oh my lord, someone's dressed a big whale with an oversized head in a spiderman shirt. Oh no wait, that is my date for the evening. Splendid. I'm now at this point thinking, broad shoulders is not the same as fat. Then again, fat is not the same as morbidly obese. He looked like a giant movie billboard, with a head. A big spotty head. His friend wasn't much better, and his skinniness was greatly emphasised by fatty patty's flab. Nevertheless, me being a polite young woman decides to go ahead and be friends, because at this point he's already spotted and identified me. We say hello and all that, and he took me to 'Atlantis'. If there's any midlanders reading this, you'll know what an awful place this is. And to top it all off, he announces that 'the blazin squad', in the infancy of their amazing career, are doing a live performance there. On the same night. That I'm going. I really wished for death. This giant deceptive doughboy was enough to make me depressed, but I really did not wish to be alive when he announced this. Somehow, I get through it, we speak about three words to each other all night, and I contemplate escape at every opportunity. Finally, it's over, and we say goodbye, and me and friend go on our merry, merry way. I thank the lord that the terrible experience is over, and curse the internet and my damn cousin for being such utter cunts.

He emailed me two days later saying that I wasn't what he "expected", and that he doesn't think that it would be a good idea to meet up again.

I don't know why, but I was quite upset at the fact that I had been rejected by the big thing in the huge spiderman shirt.

I do often think that it would make a nice children's tent.
(, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 23:34, Reply)
Hooking up with someone of teh interweb?
NO way. I don't exist.

SO why should they?
(, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 23:20, Reply)
You're all weird cunts

(, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 22:43, Reply)
my internet fiancee...
I was just out of a relationship, and I was looking to make new friends in my neighborhood. I decided to use one of those popular friend-collecting sites to find some interesting folks. I came across one gentleman who seemed bookish and clever, so I figured I'd chat to him. We became friends over time through exchanged emails... then the warning signs began.

Firstly, he was constantly referring to my religion (I'm Jewish,) as my main identifying characteristic. That irked me, it just made him sound ignorant/bigoted.

At one point, he set up an Amazon Wedding Registry for himself and me, picking a date for our wedding and everything. He added to this registry every item by every author and band I mentioned in my profile on the friend-collecting site. Yeah. I told him it was creepy, and he had to take it down. He balked and was weird about it, but he complied.

I was bored one day, and he hadn't been creepy for a while, so I decided to invite him over. A mutual friend of ours had met him and said he was alright, and I trusted the mutual friend, so I invited him to my flat for some watching of films. Our get-together really didn't go badly, he was only slightly awkward.

However, after the get-together, he kept mailing things to my house- newspaper clippings, articles from the internet, cards, and completely unsolicited gifts. It got to the point where I just didn't thank him anymore for his generosity, as it was getting to be creepy. I figured if I gave him some space, he'd get over it.

Not so much. About a year later, he sent me an email calling me every name under the sun. All because I deleted some rather creepy public comments he'd left me, without consulting him or letting him plead his case to me. Wanker.
(, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 22:05, Reply)
Weirdo Devon kids...
About 6 months back on MSN a weirdo 14 year old from Devon added me to MSN, claiming he had simply got the wrong e-mail address. Fine I think, happens all the time.

So we have 1 conversation, about life etc. then I got offline. The next day I come on, and 5 other people I don't know have added me...ok Who are these people? All mates with the first kid 'Joe' and wanted to meet his really cool 'new friend'. This is weird, so I block all of them (being annoying little emo MSN whores and all).

However, I forget to block this one guy - Aidrien (however it's spelt!). We have the *most* boring conversation ever, then I decide to block him. BIG MISTAKE!

Every day - not kidding, I got invited from him to be on his MSN - somehow they let you send them even you've blocked them. This goes on for about 3 months, untill I finally unblocked him to see what the hell he wanted. 'Nothing much, just to talk?' And he didn't even try to start any kind of conversation! Must have some kind of friend issues...
(, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 21:58, Reply)
I used to work with this weird fucker... Found this: groups.google.com.au/group/uk.d-i-y/browse_thread/thread/cfb2447f84f407da/102205d5c331ed26?lnk=st&q=marc+donovan+sperm+freezer&rnum=1&hl=en#102205d5c331ed26 and followed the links to his personal site (all gone now) and saw pics of him.

Yup. I used to work with a guy who froze his own sperm.

(, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 21:51, Reply)
My ex
... Was *one* of those internet weirdos. After we split up last christmas, I found out that she'd slept with between 3 and 6 blokes she'd met on faceparty, while she was still with me.

She denied it of course, but when 2 of them find your profile and contact you, its kind of hard to turn a blind eye... And then her best friend told me about it too.

She was a fat mofo, too. I mean HUGE. What was I thinking?
(, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 20:59, Reply)
I am that weirdo.

(, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 20:46, Reply)
i met this girl
yea i knkow, when i was 16, she was 18. i met her on the freeserve chatrooms before they followed the msn ways and closed doors. She was called emma, from the north of wales, and was apparently in love with me. I was still sexually inexperienced at the time, and when she asked if she could come stay (after many an hour chatting on the dog and bone i might add), i was more than happy. For some reason, my parents had no problem at all with this 18 year old "hottie" (her self description, twas the days before webcans were a fiver in the bargain bin at pc world) coming to stay. Eventually when she came to saty, it became apparent, that as i saw this ...thing... escape from the train , that she was not a "hottie" nor was she a size 12, nor did she have blonde ringlets and big blue eyes. She was meant to stay for a week, I sent her home after a day. Pushed her on the train myself infact. I still have nightmares. And yes, i slept with her. I was 16, still a virgin, and had sex on a plate, who would say no?
(, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 19:08, Reply)
Perceptions indeed.
Ah Wong,

I too have been amused and bewildered in equal measure by our mutual friend RD.

But then again, we're probably in his "perverts" club too.

Ooooh. Cherry popped. Just thinking of which of many scary internetPodPeople I'll post about.
(, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 19:04, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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