Sheffield - Sin City
Early 2000, in an attempt to get over a nasty breakup, I started talking to several girls over the internet. One girl seemed very keen and we started talking loads, exchanged photos and finally after about a month decided to meet up. Everything seemed in order, she seemed quite pretty, relatively normal and made me laugh.

I drove all the way to Sheffield to the Meadowhall shopping centre and stood around in absolute horror - the place WAS full of feckless weirdos who populated Barrymore's exploitative show - but I was stoned and had a 98% probablity of getting laid, so being stood in the middle of a George A Romero movie set seemed ok at the time.

2pm came and went, no show. I started looking around in that hopeful desperation of someone who has been stood up - smiling at people appearing out of lifts, walking around corners - looking like a needy gurning freak.

Someone said my name - I looked around and damn the weed, I'd imagined it.

Someone said my name again and pulled my jumper - I looked down.

It was her, all nearly 4 foot of her who then proceeded to come on to me like a drunken teenager.

I spent the next few hours fending her off after the nice guy in me (who didn't want to offend her) stupidly had coffee with her and then drove her home.

She was all over me like the fucking plague in the car park, the car, outside her house, repeatedly saying "I want to fuck you", trying to get her hands down my pants, sticking her tits in my face. I finally told her that I didn't want to shag her.

"Just let me suck you off then, you don't have to touch me, just let me taste you"

I left, rapidly.

Two days later a teddy bear and an apology card arrived at my digs, followed by one every week after. Somehow she managed to get my address, but luckily never turned up there.

Damn those circus midgets!
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Wed 22 Mar 2006, 16:09, Reply)