Rough local
There I was, just minding my own business playing a set with my band in the local, when these two came in. I should have realised there was going to be trouble when another two of their mates (one big camp bugger and a shortarse with some sort of speech impediment) were stopped at the door. Their mates told to go and wait back in the car. Obviously it wasn't going to be long before it kicked off.

Now, the other two - I assume that must have been a grandfather and grandson or something, as one was about 70, while the other was in his teens. They didn't look like they were the trouble making kind, but it wasn't long before the young one got into an argument at the bar with a couple of the local hardcases.

One of the hardcases starts spouting off about how he's wanted by the fuzz, starts threatening the kid, and ends up giving him a thump and knocking him half-way across the room. I don't know what the kid said to him, but it must have pissed him off, as he ends up pulling a gun.

Now, it takes a bit to get put me off my rhythm, but what happened next had the band ducking for cover.

The old man - quick as a flash - whips out a sword. A sword!!! In this day and age! Anyway, before anyone does anything else, the hardcase's right arm's on the ground, quickly followed by the rest of him. Everybody suddenly becomes very interested in their drinks, and the manager's motioning to me to start playing again while he sorts things out.

Now it turns out that while all this was kicking off, the old man was talking to to barman. He's been looking for a dodgy character for some dirty job or other. The barman points him at this smartarse in the corner and his long-haired hippy mate, and he drags the kid over to talk to them.

So, we (the band) are setting back down into the set, but I'm keeping an eye on what's going on.

The old geezer and the kid finish their business, shake hands and piss off. I breathe a sigh of relief and start to relax. The place may be a wretched hive of scum and villany, but the regulars aren't normally too bad.

It looks like the smartarse and the hippy have got a good deal, as they look happy, and they're making to head off too when one of the local wannabe gangsters corners them and sits smartarse back down again.

I can't claim to have seen what happened next. Anyway, guns were pulled again - under the table this time - and the gangster was shot. Certainly there's been a lot of debate about it locally - who shot first? The end result though, was that the smartarse paid off the manager to hush things up, and scarpered quickly.

Anyway. Back to the QOTW. The crime I witnessed, well heard, was our drummer's playing. He was absolutely shocking that night and we fired him shortly after.

Mind you, the exact details are a little hazy as this was all a long time ago, somewhere far, far away...
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 12:33, 8 replies)

.
Hehe, very good, *clicks"

Also just seen the new Indiana Jones trailer - woooo!!!!
(Milo Minderbinder, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 12:40, closed)

I was three quarters of the way through that
before I realisedwhat was happening...! Good one.
( Fathter Puddytat Kill Kill dat widdle boid is mine on, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 14:12, closed)

I love you
(three quarters here too)
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 14:53, closed)

Nearly at the end before I twigged.
However, the first thought wasn't "Hah that's clever". It was "Oh for fucks sake this isn't a competition to see who can tell the funniest joke".
( OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 18:13, closed)

I sense
a disturbance in the farce.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 19:24, closed)

I only got it...
when you talked about getting shot under the table, doh!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 11:15, closed)

Took me a while to twig too.
Nicely done, you sneaky git! :D
(Musuko, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 13:42, closed)

"wretched hive of scum and villany"...
...is a dead giveaway. As soon as you said it I knew it was in Pompey.
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 13:59, closed)