[name of your favourite band]
[single sentence stating that they are 'shit' and 'overrated']

Before you write something like this have a listen to my mix of the worst music of all time and see if, actually, you want to be thankful for the merely mediocre.

lastnightadjkilledmydog.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=384592
( Zuowan, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 4:58, 3 replies)

It's a solid list of rubbish
But I'm a bit confused in a couple of ways... rule #1: no novelty bands allowed, yet Portsmouth Sinfonia is at the top, rule #2: No personal choices allowed in the list, yet this is a list of songs _you_ "could find in a week", not voted for by anyone else (Not that you mention on the page, anyway)

And did Elvis really write "Old McDonald had a farm"?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 8:15, closed)

Fair enough.
Rule #1 Not no novelty bands allowed - no deliberately bad music allowed. The Portsmouth Sinfonia were genuinely trying, even though they were set up as a joke.
Rule #2 Slight misunderstanding maybe. By "personal choices" I mean pet hates. A poll would have just resulted in the list of stuff we have on this page, for example, people don't tend to be aware of the truly hideous stuff, and that would have been dull.
Pragmatic rules for a less listenable podcast!
Elvis Presley didn't write Old McDonald Had A Farm, he just performed it, extremely badly.
( Zuowan, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:59, closed)

By the way, here's the full show notes, in case anyone's bored enough to read them.
1. Portsmouth Sinfonia - From The Nutcracker Suite

"The Portsmouth Sinfonia was a real orchestra founded by a group of students at Portsmouth School of Art in Portsmouth, England, in 1970—however, the Sinfonia had an unusual entrance requirement. Players had to be either non-musicians, or if a musician, play an instrument that was entirely new to them." - en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portsmouth_Sinfonia

2. Elvis Presley - Old MacDonald

From the soundtrack of Elvis's 1967 film "Double Trouble." Elvis here seems to be heavily implying that animals are eaten as a form of gleeful punishment.

3. Vanilla - No Way No Way

A girl group from the 90s who didn't seem to mind being lauded for their terribleness on Graham Norton's TV show - this is the worse of the two singles they released before drifting into thankful obscurity. It's been alleged that the 4 Vanilla girls were the secretaries of a music producer who had a bet about the worst single he could get in the charts. Seems he won.

4. Barney - I Love You

A brief clip of American Kids TV horror.

5. Nola Campbell - Searching For My Baby

"One of the greatest out of tune records of all time" said Kenny Everett, and he's right. Any less tuneful it would sound like a joke, any more it would sound, well, better.

6. The Legendary Stardust Cowboy - Paralyzed

Featured on numerous "worst records" compilations due to its utter tunelessness, this song has nevertheless developed a sizeable following. Fans include David Bowie, who named his Ziggy Stardust character after the cowboy.

7. St Winifred's School Choir - There's No-one Quite Like Grandma

This choir from a Catholic primary school scored the British Christmas number one in 1980. The song woudn't be here without the painfully cutesy performance of the buck-toothed soloist, with a voice only a grandmother could love, presumably one who is deaf.

8. Pat Campbell - Mother Went A Walking

One of those interminable country sob story records popularised by the likes of Jim Reeves in the sixties.

9. Devastatin Dave - Zip Zap Rap

An artist I discoved through web pages of the worst record covers of all time, all of which seem to have the same examples. Here's Dave - arts.guardian.co.uk/pictures/image/0,8543,-10305055279,00.html
Naturally I had to check out the actual music, which is, if anything, even worse. This song takes the place of LaToya Jackson's "Just Say No", which is about 5% better.

10. Eli Kaniel - The Impossible Dream

Discovered via (pinched from) worldsworstrecords.blogspot.com - apparently this guy is quite a famous Israeli singer, though his English is not exactly fantastic.

11. P.J. Proby - Only You (And You Alone)

American torch singer, inexplicably popular in the UK during the sixties, possibly due to his ludicrously mannered voice. In this cover he manages to keep out of time with the band right up until the end.

12. Rotterdam Termination Source - Poing!

This 1992 single from a Dutch gabba duo takes an annoying sample and repeats it over a dull pounding beat until the listener submits.

13. Maguerita Pracatan - Hello

Maguerita was a Cuban refugee in New York with a public access TV show when she was discovered by Australian broadcaster Clive James, who presented her as a regular guest on his British TV show. Though she must know how bad she is she really doesn't seem to care and still makes a living on the touring circuit. www.margaritapracatan.com

14. Reginald Bosanquet - Dance With Me

Kenny Everett's listeners voted this 1980 novelty single the "Worst record of all time", and you can really see why. Bosanquet had recently retired from his job as ITN's lead newsreader at the time and seems unsure whether he's supposed to read out the lyrics or sing them. This was the first and only take.

15. Gloria Balsam - Fluffy

From Rhino Records' "The World's Worst Records" album a novelty single that's even less bearable than was intended.

16. Roy "Chubby" Brown with Smokie - Alice

In the 1970s Smokie recorded an abysmal single called "Living Next Door To Alice". In the nineties Dutch gabba group Gompie released a novelty remake with a croud shouting "Who the fuck is Alice?" after the chorus. Not to be outdone Smokie teamed up with shit comedian Roy 'Chubby' Brown to record their own sweary version. As a comedy record this should be excluded from this list, but what this song acheives is very different from what the makers intended. It's one of the most misogynist, homophobic, tuneless, pointless and most importantly unfunny records ever released, yet it spent 19 weeks in the UK charts, peaking at number 3. Hang your head in shame, Britain.

17. The Blue Smarties - Take A Look

This is from a CD I ordered from the listings in Select Magazine in 1995. The backing is fairly bad, but far from criminal; this song is included primarily for its lyrics, which I consider to be unsurpassably bad.

18. Gypsy Boots and The Nature Boys - These Boots Are Made For Walking

Another one from worldsworstrecords.blogspot.com, and their descripton is better than I can muster - worldsworstrecords.blogspot.com/2008/06/are-you-ready-boots.html

19. William Shatner - Rocket Man

Captain Kirk has been a legend in the world of bad music ever since he released his version of Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds in 1968. If you haven't heard it then you really should check it out. For me, though, this live Elton John cover from the 1978 sci-fi awards show tops it.

20. Peter Andre & Jordan - A Whole New World

The story goes that this out-take was leaked by a engineer charged with making something listenable out of Jordan's voice. Is it real? Not for me to say. It's really bad though.

21. Keith Harris & Orville - Orville's Song

And finally, what I consider the worst piece of music ever recorded. Just a harmless novelty single? A bit of fun for the kids? Try listening to the last minute or so of this and thinking about how a middle aged man is singing this to himself via an oversized green duck on national TV, and I challenge you not to bring up a little sick.
( Zuowan, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:00, closed)