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This is a question Worst Band Ever

If I was in charge of the B3ta fatwa department, we wouldn't be hearing too much from Simply Red in the future. Who's on your musical shit list and why?

(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:00)
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This question is now closed.

So many bands that doesn't deserve their fame
One of the absolute worst have to be Suicide Command though. Had the misfortune of stumbling in to their concert at Arvika festival a couple of years ago. I took about 20 minutes of the utter smeg that they call music. First of all, every song sounded exactly the same as the previous one. And all the lyrics were also basically the same, with "dark" themes of war, killing people and behaving like an arse in general. I'm sure they are ment to be taken ironically, or make you think or whatever but fails to do so in every way. The breaking point for me that concert is when the singer started chanting through his ever-present distortion-box: "I want you to hate me, I want you to hate me etc". Well I shouted back "Okidoki!" and promptly left the concert in search of a drink or two to erase this experience from my head.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:12, 1 reply)
Worst song ever
This accolade should go to multi-coloured anarchist punk band Rubella Ballet for their composition "Money Talks". It's a sensible enough idea: money is power, the rich fuck over the poor, etc, but the lyrics are awful.

The main body of the song is comprised of the words "It doesn't matter if you're *A* or *B*" where A and B are two opposing positions e.g. "good" and "evil". The song makes the case that no matter which of A or B you are, money is what matters: "cos in this world, money talks". The line is repeated throughout the song with different A and B pairings.

As the song is a protest against the evils of money, it gives the impression that the pairings A and B are what should matter and for the "good" and "evil" example, that seems fair enough. Doesn't quite work when A and B become "black" and "white". Are the band making the point that instead of rich people living in luxurious houses and driving sports cars, it should be white people?

The whole argument falls apart hilariously when the following line is uttered: "It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor cos in this land, money talks". Idiots.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:11, 1 reply)
Dan Bull
because he's the only one who may read this
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:07, Reply)
Every music has its place.
Having said that, Status Quo are in with a shout.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:05, 1 reply)
Might as well
say Bieber before anyone else
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:01, 1 reply)
One song written around a slightly catchy hook, repeat ad nauseum. And how the hell does "Danny Boy" fit into all that.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 14:00, 17 replies)
Without doubt it has to be U2.

For not only writing straight down the middle of the road bland wanky shite pop/rock music; but also for being so far up their own asses they're inside out.
There are plenty of awful bands out there, but at least they stand for something other than their own egos.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:54, 7 replies)
The Police.
For no other reason than I've had to listen to their best of album way too much and now collapse into a cowering wreck if I hear "Message in a bottle".
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:53, 1 reply)
'Sweet Little Band'
I was searching for Pink Floyd on Spotify a while back and found that they weren't there, but what *was* there was a covers band called Sweet Little Band who make child-friendly instrumental versions of rock albums called 'Babies go Pink Floyd', 'Babies go The Cure' etc. Surprisingly these are rather fabulous, while being physically painful to listen to at the same time. Check them out - the one of The Cure is particularly fine.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:46, 3 replies)
It's a crappy question
Obviously no one could *really* be idiotic enough to think the Beatles or Pink Floyd are the 'worst band ever' - people are bound to end up thinking of 'most overrated' instead. But then the actual worst bands are going to be the ones no one has heard of, so...

I vote that we instead go for 'best obscure band that I love and many people don't know about'. In which category, and in no particular order, I shall examine my Spotify playlists and enjoin you all to lend an ear to

Porcupine Tree (best song 'Time Flies')
Brand X ('Disco Suicide')
Spiritualized ('Out of Sight')
The Dukes of Stratosphear ('Mole from the Ministry')
Sneaker Pimps ('6 Underground')
Television ('Little Johnny Jewel')

For a bit of fun, here's a playlist I put together of music that I vaguely think of as 'epic' - by which I mostly mean pieces that build up from small beginnings into bigger and broader soundscapes. Most of the ones listed are on it, as well as a fair few classical ones.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:40, 12 replies)
Or as few of you may know them as, the twunts who had that one video with the pig-man and screeching. I send the video to people I don't like.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:39, 2 replies)
Not old-style Genesis, but smug Phil Collins Genesis, who deserve something red-hot inserted somewhere painful, sideways.

Against my better judgment, I paid actual cash money to see the Phil Collins band at Wembley Stadium in the mid-80s. Princess Diana was there, along with most of the BMW-driving, Pringle-wearing tossers within a 200 mile radius. To say it coloured my opinion of the entire band is a bit of an understatement.

The only plus side of the whole ordeal was suffering explosive diarrhea (in a plastic bag, on The Hallowed Wembley Turf) and having to leave early.

For this reason, and many other crimes: GENESIS.

Any excuse

And the 12-inch version of the entire hideous ordeal HERE, if you're interested.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:28, 4 replies)
The twunt who was on before us at an open mic night in Southampton.
Talking Heads (the bar, not the band) had an open mic night where you had 10 minutes to do your set. We were due on at some point past half-way. The act before us walked on - a single chap with a guitar. Already, some people were getting up and moving to the bar. By the time he had finished saying 'I'm going to try and play in ten minutes four songs by the socialist icon Billy Bragg', everyone bar us had gone. From over a hundred to just the two of us.
The Mrs had to play Smelly Cat to get people back in from the bar.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:13, Reply)
Not the multi-coloured barnet, 'piss-rock-poor-wishes-she-were-Peaches-but-isn't' female act.

I mean PINK FLOYD. Everything they have produced makes me want to stuff nettles in my ears. Appalling stuff.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:11, 17 replies)
The Beatles...
Musical heresy maybe, but I've just never 'got' them. Sure, they may have helped shape the future of 'rock and roll', but I've always felt their influence and 'status' have been overblown a bit. Sure, there are some great tracks (singles and album tracks) but there's plenty more than a fair share of absolute garbage as well.
As for Lennon, I prefer some of his solo stuff.

I say this being born in the 70's not having the benefit of growing up when The Beatles emerged in the Sixties so, like Vietnam, "I probably don't know man, I wasn't there".

They are also responsible for Oasis. Case closed.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:10, 11 replies)
One night in Cambridge . . .
A mate told me of some electronic music night in town. He could vouch for several of the main acts but hadn't heard of the ones lower down the bill.

Fuck it, I thought. Why not.

The first act saw two blokes hidden behind a mountain of equipment. All sorts of pads, soundboards and important-looking gear. Basically nothing I recognised, despite dabbling in the odd bit of guitar muck myself. Obviously with that amount of gear you knew they had to have something unique up their sleeves.

Unique was one word for it. Their sound was simply this:
No beat or drum sound, just an audio recording of someone carrying a bin liner full of empty bottles up some stairs. On a loop. Over and fucking over. Each time the ten second clip was looped it became slightly distorted. As though the speaker was in the middle of breaking down. And it somehow took two blokes and a shitload of equipment to do this.

At first I thought this was merely the build-up to some sort of audio explosion that would render all in awe of their digital mastery. But after twelve minutes of distorted bottle rattling they suddenly stopped dead, waited a second, and waved at the crowd as if to signify "the end", before thanking everyone and leaving the stage.

I figured it couldn't get much worse so it'd be worth sticking around for.

However when the next act took the stage my mate turned away in disgust and whispered: "Christ it's him! He's so far up his own arse I'm surprised he hasn't got shit on his glasses."

The new act sat down on the stage, like the Milky-Bar Kid with a bumfluff moustache, bristling with self-importance. And in a nasal tone of John Major's accountant, he said: "I shall improvise for approximately 10 minutes. . . ." He pushed his glasses up his nose and added: ". . .Perhaps 12 if the moment takes me."

He then scratched an electric guitar aggresively with a screwdriver for quarter of an hour until the compere politely stopped him.

Easily the worst two acts I've had the misfortune to witness in one night. And I've seen Oasis*

Having said that though, the main two acts later on were decent. Anyone seen Om, or The Man From Uranus?

*Not through choice
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:10, 1 reply)
Rock 'n' Roll!!!!!

(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:01, 1 reply)
I'd rather piss in my own eyes
than suffer anything simon cowell touches
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 13:01, Reply)
Lord foetus and the walking abortions
Nothing to do with the industrial combo who have had various names based on the word "foetus".

This was a couple of scruffy hippies, Alex and Jason, who played on the same bill as the short-lived band of which I was a member one evening at The Buffalo Rock Club in Baldock. I think it was usually a Country and Western venue hence the naff name. Their set comprised Alex randomly hitting parts of the drum kit with a lengthy gap between each strike whilst Jason stood at the front of the stage leaning on the microphone stand repeating the words "Are we annoying you yet?".

It took 20 whole minutes for the man who ran the club to become suitably annoyed and drag them off the stage.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:57, Reply)
Modern Talking sucked like a Dyson.
And their name sounds like a euphemism for throwing up, which is fittting considering their nauseating audio-barf. Also, Dieter Bohlen is a grade-A douche.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:53, 3 replies)
Though they're long gone
I would like to nominate The Doors as a band never to be heard again.

Honestly I've never understood their appeal. Morrison had a great voice and was charismatic, but their music was dreadful. I mean, try to read the following aloud as a poem:

You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
Girl, we couldn't get much higher
Come on baby, light my fire
Come on baby, light my fire
Try to set the night on fire

The time to hesitate is through
No time to wallow in the mire
Try now we can only lose
And our love become a funeral pyre
Come on baby, light my fire
Come on baby, light my fire
Try to set the night on fire, yeah

Did you sound like a retard? Come on, be honest...
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:43, 18 replies)
Bullet For My Valentine
need a bullet through the head......allahu akbar!
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:30, Reply)
My mates band once supported Towers of London in Aberdeen.
The whole thing was the most tedious display of wankerism I've ever seen.
They were upstairs (the stage etc was in the basement, place was Kef for any Aberb3tans) at the bar for a good 45 mins after they were supposed to be on stage. They came on and called the audience every name under the sun, "sang" whatever shit it was they called music, spat on the crowd then smashed a microphone up because it cut off. They then stomped off stage and refused to come back on, thank heaven for small mercies.

Another band that were utterly dire were "The Hold steady" when they supported the Counting Crows in Glasgow. Couldn't make out what the singer was rambling on about, he just sweated and jiggled across the stage. The entire crowd were stone cold silent and they cheered when someone threw a plastic cup of beer at the stage. We were at the front of the crowd and my mate looked at me and shook his head. The bass player spotted him and when he looked back at the stage the bass player just gave him an apologetic shrug.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:30, 2 replies)
i know

Edit crap six aren't a band
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:27, Reply)
ruining drum and bass for everyone since 2005...
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:27, 7 replies)
you know, the ones who talk through the gig the whole time and/or take photographs through their shitty phones.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:20, 9 replies)
The one I used to play in
We were always drunk, half the 'gigs' we went to we didn't play because one or another or all of us would be so shitfaced or stoned that we couldn't play.

We did only covers of shit random stuff that guaranteed we'd play at least one song every time that everyone hated (e.g., Dead flowers by the stones, followed by green onions, followed by something by level 42).

On a few occasions we just stopped halfway through, and all switched instruments for the fun of it. This would be OK, but none of us were any good with any other instrument, so it was even more cocophonous than usual.

We were only ever invited to play at parties etc as a bit of a joke (dude, you gotta hear this next band, they're fucking horrible!). Our pinnacle of fame was the day we played on the same lineup as the Osric tentacles. In fact we didn't play becuase I got stoned and fell asleep in a field, and the bass guitarist got caught siphoning petrol from someones camper van and broke his finger in the ensuing melee.

Ah, good times . . .
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:15, 2 replies)

(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:08, Reply)
After 1995!

Yeah, it seems that everything produced these days is nothing but bland mindless puppet pop.
(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:05, 4 replies)

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