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This is a question Worst Band Ever

If I was in charge of the B3ta fatwa department, we wouldn't be hearing too much from Simply Red in the future. Who's on your musical shit list and why?

(, Thu 30 Dec 2010, 12:00)
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This question is now closed.

Everyone will have their own hates... here is a selection of mine.
The Smiths - I just don't get it. Never have done, never will. Legions disagree.

Genesis / Phil Collins - Makes me feel physically sick within seconds.

Jamie Cullum - Same as Phil...

Vanilla - No Way No Way indeed. Thankfully a one 'hit' abomination that has rarely troubled me since, however it is surely the nadir of recorded music alongside...

All novelty Euro Dance - Crazy Frog, that song from LeekSpin, Basshunter (who is begging for a strikethrough gag). There is no greater musical evil that I have encountered. None. Nothing makes me retch and convulse with incomprehensible rage in quite the same way.

Does It Offend You, Yeah? - I have never heard their music. They are included for the name alone. It screams art school pricks with stupid hair and tight trousers that think they are really cool and ironic and finish all sentences with a question, yeah? I may be wrong. I suspect I am not.

So, so much more I could mention but I've made myself sick now so I'll stop for a quick dry heave.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 22:06, 5 replies)
Maybe for a shorter thread next time
because I'm 44 and can't be arsed to read everything anymore (e.g. instructions), how about "Name your favourite band / recording artiste and give amusing reason"?
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 22:00, Reply)
If I like even one band/singer, then they're too mainstream for me.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 20:07, Reply)
Monkey Tennis' NME rant
reminded me to pearost this:

Every so often, whilst listening to ANY current radio station (they are all a bunch of badgerfuckers, so I shall not single anyone out in particular) will harp on about the next boy/girl/band/goat as being the "next big thing." And every motherfucking time, we fall for it. Oh yes we do. We go out like the bunch of lobotomised spacktards that we are and jizz our money against the wall.

And the worst bit?

They are shit. All of them. They really fucking are.

Arctic Monkies? Ah yes, a bunch of retard scallies from the rough end of t'pit country, or so they claim who sing out of tune in a quasi-Yorkshire accent, but nooo...because they are singing about prostitutes and people being ugly, they are "edgy." (That, by the way, is another word that would be banned under the Carrot Superstate).

Amy Winehouse? I mean really. Come the fuck on here people. She was NEVER any fucking good. She sang like a man and the only reason anyone bought her absolute fucking dross is because she had hair like a beehive and did more smack than a nursery in Nazi Germany. And whilst I'm on the point....

....Pete fucking Docherty in whatever incarnation of shite he is in at the moment. Yes Pete, we get it. You take fucking drugs. Whoop de fucking doo. Have a medal. It still can't make you sing.

And finally, Susan Boyle. Quite frankly I'm furious about this anyway. She's clearly several sperm short of an orgasm, but even so she gets touted around as "having the voice of an aaaaaaaaaaaaangel" OK, the biffer can sing, and she does a reasonable job of it (fuck knows, better than me) but by the sweet clopper of the Blessed Virgin Mary, she's not the best in the world. It's just because she's mental mental chicken oriental and has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle, then she's some kind of fuck ugly musical Goddess.

It boils my fucking piss that some extremely good bands out there have failed to get anywhere in the charts because they don't hit some fucking cunt of an advertising executive's demographic. Oh, and Bill Hicks was right...
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 18:49, 6 replies)
<insert name here>
I nominate whoever is responsible for the "music" that accompanies the current TV advert for a video game called Assassin's Guild.

It's like an assault on my ears and makes me very angry.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 17:37, 5 replies)
I despise anyone who doesn't hold the same beliefs or share the same taste as me.
To that end, then, I will snidely and visciously criticise anyone who believes in or likes anything at all that I don't. This makes me a better person than everyone else.

Music snobbery is for kids - if you like music, listen to different stuff - it's great.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 15:49, 4 replies)
Panic! at the Disco
For some god forsaken reason I had this band in my compilation of music on my computers before id heard them and yet never really bothered to listen to them... as soon as it popped up on shuffle play I deleted all existence of the band something about his singing makes me want to kill him...
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 15:46, Reply)
Kiss.....my anus.
When I was a youth, eagerly devouring the monthly edition of Kerrang! (yes, it was THAT long ago), the bands I loved, the young guns of metal, all used to cite Kiss as one of their main influences. Loads of tales about how they were the heaviest thing since, erm, something very heavy, how mind-blowingly good they were, how everyone wanted to be just like them. (Only different, obviously) It seemed everyone of the thrash bands I loved had "dressed up like Kiss and put on little shows in the back yard"
Well, I had to get my hands on some of this Kiss music, it was obviously going to be life-changing for me, I would see the light, heavy-beyond-heavy fucking metal...yeaaaaah!!!

One bloke I knew was a Kiss fan, and he also ranted and raved about them: How could I like Sabbath and Ozzy, totally shit compared to Kiss. Metallica? (Eeh, "Ride the Lightning" days) Crap mate, ripped off Kiss, nowhere near as good, they'll disappear after the next LP, you'll see.

I, with some other un-educated young rockers congregated at Fat Jock's place, to learn the true secret of Metal, to watch his live Kiss video.
The lights dimmed, the intro faded out, BOOM! a massive pyro salvo.....we were right on the edge of cumming now.......aaaaand.....PARP!

Everyone of us Kiss virgins was momentarily stunned, but not by the awesome power of these true metal gods. No, by how absolutely abysmal they were. They sounded like the fucking Osmonds. What. A. Pile. Of. Shit.

Since then I'm constantly amazed they are still plodding on, still playing to massive crowds, and still eliciting gushing praise from other bands. It's like the Emperor's New Clothes, they are fucking crap, no two ways about it, but no-one wants to stand up and say "This lot are shit."
I can understand that they were different and exciting in the 1970s, so would attract attention, but then so was Crazy World of Arthur Brown, and you don't hear people banging on about him, do you?

Worst has to be the way a certain Mr Simmons and Mr Stanley have conformed to the worst racial stereotypes and squeezed the last nth of blood out of the Kiss stone, fucking over band members and fans alike in the blind pursuit of cash. They have managed to keep a novelty giggle going for nearly 40 years, with only a hint of musical talent.

I don't begrudge them a living, or the desire to retain control of their image and rights, but those fuckers have taken it to a new level. Rock stardom should be about drinking, shagging and making music, not licensing comic books, action figures and counting the cash. Or at least, let someone else do the business stuff whilst you live out the rock star life, vicariously for us. I want my rock stars to do massive amounts of drugs, fuck groupies, and, importantly, make music that makes me feel good, not build business empires which are apparently more important than playing guitar.

I read not so long back that now Shylock & Co are getting too long in the tooth to be doing all that playing live nonsense, they are looking to franchise out the Kiss name, find hired hands to play their characters and keep the band on the road while they just pull the strings!

Actually, it might be worthwhile, the puppets might come up with some music that is actually worth listening to. God I hate Kiss, and all they stand for.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 15:21, 8 replies)
The Kooks
I hate them. I particularly hate their tedious, gurning, two-rungs-lower-on-the-evolution-of-pop-music-even-than-Johnny-Borrell singer. I was at the Lewes Guy Fawkes festival a couple of years back (an annual celebration of slightly iffy pagan imagery, quasi-racist blackfacing, and firing large pellets of gunpowder down crowded streets), when I saw that walking ballbag of a man walking towards me, his simian arms swinging, his brow furrowed as he tried to contemplate the utterly confusing notion of any kind of songwriting technique beyond farting a melody and then singing doo-doo-doo over the top of it.

I wish I had been the guy standing nearby who chose to make his feelings on this complete and utter guffcloud known.

"Oi, KOOK!" he hollered.

No response.

"KOOOOK!" he persisted, fuelled by the heady mix of alcohol, cordite and apocalyptic fervour.

The manufacturer of dross looked over, ready to welcome the kind of critical attention that he was so used to garnering (bear in mind that this was around the time that these anodyne tit-stains were at the peak of their inexplicably chart-baiting rise).

"TWWWWAAAATTT!!" screamed this glorious fellow at the top of his voice, so loud that several hundred people turned and laughed as one. A round of applause broke out. Never have I felt so at one in my musical taste with so many people.

Kook scowled and walked away. I thank you, obnoxious stranger. I thank you, for having the grace and deftness of touch, the lyrical nous and verbal dexterity, to sum up in one word to that overhyped chuff-wipe exactly what everybody thought of him.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 14:11, 3 replies)
Your favourite band sucks.

(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 13:46, 3 replies)
I'll listen to most anything.
From Madonna to Rob Zombie, to Scooter, to ELO to Prince, to Frankie goes to hollywood, Florence and the machine, ...

The only thing that really annoys me is covers, where talentless artists murder a perfectly servicable pop-record.

Any covers that have particularly upset you?
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 13:22, 32 replies)
Those red elastic ones
the postman leaves on the pavement
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 13:11, Reply)
The band that makes music which is only ever played in Vauxhall Corsas
You know the band, they did that track

"UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss UH!-tss "

I find it amusing that while at tickover 'croozin' down the highstreet, overloading a poor Corsa's 45 amp alternator 'wiv a thahsand watts' in-car stereo they are draining the battery faster than they are charging it so inevitably the car ends up knackered with hazard lights feebly winking by the side of the road.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 13:08, 4 replies)
Tommy Fucking Reilly
Tommy Reilly, the winner of some T4 Orange unsigned contest on telly. He started getting media attention after that despite the fact that he can't sing at all.

I dare you to try listen to this. You won't make it all the way through.


I first saw him at a festival and he WAS EVEN WORSE THAN THE ABOVE VIDEO SUGGESTS.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 12:34, 6 replies)
Nostaligia counts for a lot...
...and I guess that's maybe why I'm inclined to give the nineties more musical credit than they're due. There's a school of thought that says they were, in fact, a bit shit*.

But no crime against music could compete with the actions of a bunch of people who were actually supposed to be defenders of the faith. A bunch who were charged with the protection of everything we held dear, in the face of advancing threats from early incarnations of Cowell and his ilk. A bunch who, essentially, should have fucking known better.

I'm talking, of course, about the NME.

Pretentious, elitist, self-indulgent, snooty, egotistical and barely legible, it displayed nothing but the most naked contempt for it's entire readership. So up it's own arse the paper was brown at the edges.

The hyping of a band would typically go as follows:

Week 1: Band X are the greatest band in the history of recorded music. They are literally the saviours of rock & roll. If you don't already love this band, WE HATE YOU and you might as well kill yourself.

Week 2: Band X are a complete fucking joke. They suck the sweat off a dead dog's cock, and if you ever fucking liked them, WE HATE YOU and you might as well kill yourself. Because we're better than you, and don't you ever fucking forget it. Meanwhile, Band Y are the gre...

It came out weekly in print form, so at least bands could be cool for a week. These days an online version would probably go through the same sorry cycle in about 45 minutes.

You can berate Cowell, Walsh and Waterman for selling shit to plebs all you like, but nobody did as much to turn ordinary people away from good music as these cunts. Who's at least partially responsible for killing the public's interest in quality? The editorial staff of the NME - take a fucking bow.

*Nothing like as shit as the eighties though. The eighties were musical horsewank.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 12:02, 9 replies)
Populist chorus / hook lines
Case in point - Underworld : Born Slippy (Lager Lager Lager), Basement Jaxx : Where's Your Head At

They might be good tunes, but accruing hooting mongs who bray the chorus, regardless of context, isn't a great advert.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 11:58, 2 replies)
Kanya West
Total knob. King knob in fact.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 9:49, 4 replies)
Apparently they are to reform and re-release the utterly shit "Ready To Go" for the fifth time. How has the band managed to dine out on such an awful, cliche ridden pile of toss? "From the rooftops shout it out". ENOUGH I say.

Having said that I just looked them up on wikipedia and found that Saffron was the singer in N-Joi, one of my favourite rave acts. In that case, I forgive her. Maybe.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 6:02, 11 replies)
Insane Clown Posse
Come on people, do they have ANY serious competition for winning this QOTW?


Music is a lot like love, it's all a feeling
And it fills the room, from the floor to the ceiling
I see miracles all around me
Stop and look around, it's all astounding
Water, fire, air and dirt
Fucking madness, how do they work?
And I don't wanna talk to a scientist
Y'all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 5:45, 7 replies)
Funny, I have not seen any mention of this shit
Horribly Racist Skin head Oi type music.

There is oi music that is made with out the racism, but bands like Screwdriver just piss me off.

As the Dead Kennedys sang (later covered by Napalm Death) "Nazi Punks, Fuck Off!"

Sadly there is a National Socialist movement in Black Metal and they can fuck off too!
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 1:39, 7 replies)
Surely it isn't possible...
to pick just one worst band of all time? There are many bands who I truely loath, yet someone must like them. Pink Floyd bore the fucking tits off me, but millions would disagree. I would rather sever my bellend with the lid of a rusty dog food can on live national television than be forced to listen to an entire Coldplay album. Its meaningless to ask such a subjective quest...

...oh hang on...


Actually it was easier than I thought.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 1:15, 6 replies)
There was a band that used to rehearse in the same studios as us once, they were called 'Raw Poo'
and yes, just in case you're wondering, they really were shit.
edit. fuck me i just found them on myspace. they're still awful 13 years later.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 0:50, Reply)
I'm in a band.
It sounds like this:


Click "I don't like this" if you dare. No apologies for length, you've only got two and a half minutes to sit through.
(, Mon 3 Jan 2011, 0:15, 11 replies)
and Iron Maiden, and others of that ilk. Not so much because of the music, which I'm just not particularly bothered about, but because of the fans. Every single serious fan seems to care for no other genre of music, almost to the extent of ICP fans, and it just makes no damn sense to me.

Recently on facebook:
Jim Lucas: metallica are the foundations of rock
Oneiromancer: No they aren't you fucking idiot.
Jim Lucas: No, clearly not... that's why every rock band in the world copies them and has done for 20 or so years now
Oneiromancer: and why so many bands prior to Metallica focused their energy on time travelling instead of on writing music.

I'm sure it's something to do with the mindset of serious metal fans, but it seems as though nothing else is actually loud enough for them to understand the subtleties or development of the music.

Having said that, if anyone on here is a big metal fan and actually listens to other things, feel free to correct me.
(, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 23:16, 26 replies)
Completely off topic...
...but there's justice to be dealt:

(, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 22:34, Reply)
Just a couple

Fallout boy-i actually physically tense up upon (unintended) listening
Rihanna- Nasal talentless down syndrome-esque bint
Black eyed peas- just no, please, i can't take any more
Any Emo music- i realise i may be stereotyping but i assure you, they are all shit.
R & B- Fake people, autotune, crazy hats = No1 WTF?

Saying this i am a massive fan of different genres and have an expansive music collection ranging from Drum and Bass to Classical.

Also, on a sidenote- i saw my first badger today, which was nice.
(, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:56, 5 replies)
Any of the bands mentioned here
www.b3ta.com/questions/worstrecordever/ should cover it
(, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:26, Reply)
For hawking one piss-poor, violently annoying pop song for forty-five years and hanging an entire bloody 'career' off it.

Just go away, you rancid little Scottish pixie hellspawn, you.
(, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:31, 1 reply)
Fifty cents.
I refuse to refer to him as fiddy cent. If I ever meet him, I'll refer to him in a gramatically correct manner. Then push im in a well.
(, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:30, 8 replies)
I fucking hate the key of F minor.

(, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 18:58, 5 replies)

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