Back when I discovered
that my willy was for more than just peeing out of, I used to exercise it every bathtime.

One day, not long after taking up my new found hobby, I was at a mate's house and he went upstairs and came back down declaring "look what I found on top of dad's wardrobe" and thrust a copy of Mayfair into my hands. "A dirty mag! I found it the other day but this has been the first time nobody else has been in so I could have a look."

It was in surprisingly good condition considering it was about 5 years old. We planted it on the kitchen worktop and began leafing through. Corr, nudie ladies. The closest I'd ever been to seeing a lady in the nip was in the underwear section of my mum's Grattan's Catalogue and this was a real eye-opener. Soon enough though, the novelty of women wearing nothing but high-heel shoes (I never did understand that one) soon wore off. It didn't help that a couple of closeups of ladies in garish makeup showing off their baby-stingrays looked more like a closeup of the human ear.

My mate got bored and went back to playing Dig Dug on his Vic20 so I started reading through the letters page; the sort that start with:

I've always found my neighbour attractive, she always used to sit in the garden in a small bikini. Well, one day, she knocked on the door and asked if I'd go round and take her look at her washing machine...

I then came across the line "..her hand moved faster up and down my glistening shaft until I erupted forth a mass of hot bubbling spunk"

'Bubbling?' I thought. Even I knew that spunk didn't bubble. That guy ought to go see a doctor if he has a fizzy discharge.

Anyway, that night in the bath I remembered the line and give it a go. It was a gazillion times better, and tepid, non-bubbling spunk erupted forth. Into the bathwater where it went all weird and stuck to my arm and wouldn't come off. But I didn't care.

You see, previous to this revelation, I had been doing it wrong. Rather than the universally accepted tugging motion we all know and love, I had in fact being rolling it back and forth between my palms like a bit of Plasticine and wondering what all the fuss was about.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 15:19, 5 replies)

All that
just to tell us you wank like a weird freak bastard person?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 15:31, closed)

N ot that weird
I think most people start off doing that... Then they discover the "real" fun with the tugging motion.

Hell, I know a few people who still do it :D
(Helo, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 15:39, closed)

Haha!
One of my first girlfriends tried to wank me off using the 'glass washer' grip. Hand over the top and palm banging my bell end. I was so happy at the prospect of release (and that I was allowed in her knickers) I didn't tell her she was doing it wrong.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 15:51, closed)

So
now you've got a three foot cock, but it's only an inch in circumference!
(RTFM May your god go with you, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:29, closed)

^this
Is how monkeys masturbate.
(Kip, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:29, closed)