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This is a question "You're doing it wrong"

Chthonic confesses: "Only last year did I discover why the lids of things in tubes have a recessed pointy bit built into them." Tell us about the facepalm moment when you realised you were doing something wrong.

(, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:23)
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Broken Britain
After reading in the Sun that Britain was all broken and that, I decided it was about time somebody did something about it. The thought of Britain being broken had been the most upsetting thing I'd ever heard ever since I found out about it that morning.

"I'll do something about it!" I triumphantly announced to the postman as he delivered yet more gay porn magazines. (I'm not gay I just enjoy people thinking they have 'one' in their neighbourhood)
"Something about what gaylord?" Answered Postie.
I gave him a proper camp wink and went "you'll find out handsome!" and went back inside.

Pleased with myself for two reasons - 1) my new mission (fixing broken Britain, remember?) and 2) I could put another tick on my 'people who think I'm a homo' wall-chart.

The internet was my first port of call in finding out the best way to sort this shithole out. I needed to know what was wrong with Britain first of all, cos as far as I was concerned it was a pretty decent place. We've got Lemsip, swimming, gay porn mags, Peter Beardsley, T'pau, The Crankies, loads of pigeons, drunk people in town centres with tattoos of their kids names on their necks, Canon & Ball, John Venables, Findus Crispy Pancakes and TGI Friday waiters who tell you their names. All brilliant.

A lot of people on the internet were of the opinion that knives were the problem so I started a petition in favour of forks. Nobody wanted to sign it though, so I filled in 56 pages of fake signatures and sent it to Simon Cowell. Didnt get a response. So it was obvious knives werent the answer.

Next I went round my next door neighbours gaff and asked him what he thought was up with the country.
'All the fucking indians mate' was his instant vociferous reply.
I nodded slowly (fast nodding is for schizos and sex offenders) and went off to buy a cowboy outfit. 'I'll sort those Indian fuckers' I vowed, 'how dare they twat up my country?'.

So there I am, dressed as a cowboy, waiting with my cap-gun all ready to go. About 3 days pass and not one pissing Indian turns up?
Where are they?

I just popped indoors to have a waz and write this account of my mission to let you all know how it's going. Hope I havent missed any Indians while I've been here. The sneaky cunts.

I'm not gay.
(, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 20:43, closed)
This is first
class excellence.

*click*
(, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 20:46, closed)
this!
more of this kind of thing!
(, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 22:44, closed)
get some mates
to dress as a builder and a policeman, to complement your cowboy look. i'm sure an indian will soon arrive, if only to stage a village people tribute concert
(, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 20:57, closed)
I've clicked
:D
(, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 23:37, closed)
me too
I could do with neighbours like that
(, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 23:45, closed)
Single mothers ...
build a workhouse and a Magdelene side-by-side. But drench it in tinsel and call it a half-way house. That'll fix it!
(, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 3:39, closed)
Very funny
lovely style
*cliiiiiiiiick*
(, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:00, closed)
"I'm not gay"
-Your username is though.

Regardless, top post! *click!*
(, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:25, closed)
not enough people like you
is what's wrong with this country.. have a click for awesomeness.
(, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 11:41, closed)
I'm sure there are plenty of people who like Brady.
He seems a fairly likeable chap.
(, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 23:29, closed)
You are David Cameron AICMFP

(, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:10, closed)

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