Three Steps To Heaven
Step One: The subtle way of being dumped: February 14th 1992, no Valentine's card. I ask the girlfriend why. "Because I don't want to go out with you any more".

Step Two: The threatening but funny way of being dumped: August 1992, my girlfriend has failed her A-levels, doesn't make it into the Central School of Speech and Drama. My pep talk upsets her. I don't know why, maybe it was the reference to her being a "failed drama school student". Two days later, her kid brother (imagine Mr Puny-verse, but much younger and without the attitude) phones me up and threatens to break my legs if I ever go near her again. I don't remember the rest of the conversation, I was too busy pissing myself laughing.

Step Three: The Ohmigodi'mgettingoutofhere way of doing the dumping: December 1994: The girl I've been going out with for three (!) weeks tells me that she loves me, can't imagine her life without me, and that she pictures us still together in 40 years time. No, of course I wasn't scared! So I took the brave option and just stopped talking to her. She took the hint.
(Steve The Monkey, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:44, Reply)