short but - well, just short
My 15 year old self gets a phone call

"Hello?"
"Yeah... you, um. You're bumped"
"I'm sorry? Gemma is that you?"
"Yeah - you're dumped"
"Oh! Dumped! Sorry I misheard... you..."
*click*
"oh"
( moonjam, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 23:46, Reply)

King Prawn
I got dumped due via txt while seeing king prawn, apparently coz I cared more for them than i did for her
(Bored, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 23:44, Reply)

Haha... it's still the gold standard in our house...
I had a horiffic boyfriend about 5 years ago who was always fucking about behind my back. One day I saw the light and walked off, just leaving him there.

A week later (after several phone calls, most of which he hung up on me during) it's my birthday and the grannies are coming to tea. I'm there in the kitchen with my hands covered in cake mix when the phone rings, so my sister answers it and holds it to my ear.


ex: We need to talk.
me: I have nothing to talk to you about.
ex: What about us?
me: There is no us.
ex: but... but
Little sister (wreching the phone away from my ear): BYE MR FUCKHEAD!!!!

And she hangs up.

Never heard from him again... well, until the 12 red roses arrived half an hour later. I didn't keep them.

Sometimes my sister rules.
(DuckieMonster, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 23:30, Reply)

Being a computer-y person
I've never actually had a proper girlfriend. I only go for girls I'm sure have been single for ages, but they always seem to find their first boyfriend in years about a day before I get round to asking them out. Four times and counting. Still, at least they don't all end up becoming lesbians like my mate's ex's seem to do...
(Ash Oops, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 23:08, Reply)

Jamaica ?
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 22:51, Reply)

Welcome to Dumpsville - population 1
When I was 17 i had been seeing this girl for about 3 months then one evening on the couch she says 'Do you mind if we don't go out this weekend', 'sure!' I reply, thinking i might be in for a bit of horizontal fun.' 'Or any other weekend for that matter,' she says 'I dont want to see you anymore'....bah
( Marillion's Marble Loo loo loo, I got some apples, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 22:37, Reply)

My Excuntwhore
Well here's the worst thing that ever happened to me, and this is how I was dumped.

My excuntwhore Meredith and I had been together for a year and a half. So, I'm thinking that everything is fine for a while and then she tells me those two words that males dread with every bit of their being: I'm pregnant.

Fuck! Is what I was thinking.
What! Is what I said.

So like a normal boyfriend that is pretending to care about her well-being at the moment, I ask her what she's going to do. She is going to have it.

Fuck! Is what I was thinking.
What! Is what I said.

So to make a long story short, she calls me a week later and said that she miscarried. I felt bad for her. I really did.

Then another week later, she tells me that she had an abortion. I again felt bad for her and asked her why? She said because she knew I didn't want it and it was her problem.

Another week later, she calls me to tell me that it wasn't mine and she was breaking up with me.
(The_strung_out_suicide_machine, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 22:07, Reply)

probably the most spectacular dumping I've ever had
I came back from work on the day after my birthday, opened the front door and...

All her stuff was gone. And all my DVD's. And a post it note on my computer.

And that's how I learnt I was getting divorced.

After she moved out though, she refused to return the keys to the flat. So whilst I was at work she kept coming back, taking things she felt like keeping, switched on my computer, copied files she wanted, hacked my email account, read all my emails for a few months (good thing I knew she was doing this, so got a few offline friends to participate in a Mega Bullshit stream), tried and failed to hack into my other email accounts, tried to screw over and empty the joint bank account, then served me with divorce papers proclaiming I was a pornography addicted wifebeater into a swinging lifestyle.

The day before she left we'd had a row because she thought that a birthday card from my Dad was from one of the thousands of women I was suppsoed to be having an affair with. Needless to say, I'd had enough of that bullshit.

Before she left mind you, she used to ring up all my female friends whenever I was working late to make sure I wasn't up to my nuts in guts with them, reckoned I was sleeping with at least 3 women regularly, thought that when I went to work I was actually having orgies with Everyone In South London, and was generally a weirdo living in cloudcuckooland. Oh, and on top of this, she didn't have a job for a year before she left so cost me thousands of pounds as I paid the bills because someone had to.

She would also regularly disappear for hours at a time, with a male friend, before moving in with him. Hmm. Affair, anyone?

Oh, and she was a drunk driver and once fell asleep hungover whilst driving on the motorway. She was also a former Coke Addict who'd been on the gak for a few years previous but apparently now cleaned up.

Secretly I was hoping she would leave, but my God, what a way to be dumped. It was like a bad BBC2 sitcom. Still no doubt she has been putting out for England ever since, unlucky bastards that they are, but tonight "thank god its them instead of you".

So there you go, in one day I lost a wife, a computer, a lot of CD's, some of my clothes, all my DVD's, and the hope of ever seeing several thousand pounds ever again. I really wish I had been a pornography addicted, wifebeating philanderer, but I still wouldn't've got my money's worth out of that dumb waste of pubic hair.
(domesticterrorist, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 21:59, Reply)

ha, i wish!
las, i have noone to dump me.
(Wonchop Where are your goggles, boy?, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 21:55, Reply)

I've never been dumped
but i know two seperate guys who have had their girls turn lesbian. One of them told me, "The strange part was that I had already dated the girl she left me for."
(ShodoPan, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 21:39, Reply)

Spectacular dumping.
June 26th, 1996. European cup. We lost. Boyfriend dumped me that night after nearly getting lynched for playing 3 lions (he was the DJ at my birthday pary) right afterwards.
Edit" it was my birthday!
Cunt.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 21:34, Reply)

by text message
yeah...
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 21:26, Reply)

I was once dumped
whilst riding on a surfboard that was strapped atop an F1 sports car going along the M4 whilst fighting off mutant flying helldogs! The message was tattooed on the tongue of one of the evil beasts that tried to chew off my eyelashes!
Well I'm sure it's honest an answer as some of the others that people'll post.

/cynic
( StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 21:24, Reply)

worst. boyfriend. ever.
had a paedo best friend twice his age who was always trying to get him in bed, read my private journal without permission, and used my camera and the end of a roll of vacation pics we'd taken together to take naked photos of himself to send to another girl in a far away land. And lied like a dog about it all.

After about a year and a half, I was practically daring him to break up with me. I would have done it, but I postponed it because I knew he wouldn't have the balls to do it and I kind of enjoyed how pathetic that made him. Finally, after a few months apart due to summer jobs, he dumped me, via email, to get back together with his first girlfriend who had stolen money, musical instruments, and CDs from him.

At least I stole his virginity! Although in retrospect the CDs would have been worth a lot more... damn.
(Mabel DelTaco, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 21:14, Reply)

this happened to a guy i work with
he had been with his girlfriend a while i guess, picture the scene its valentines day, he had spent about 200 quid on a hotel room an prezzies, bed covered in rose petals etc, must have been a right kick in the balls when she dumped him the next morning
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:55, Reply)

Not spectacular just a bit hurtful really...
I suppose my dumping story is just getting dumped by a guy then having him phone up two days or so later saying he was confused and maybe wanted me back, this continued for a couple of days before decided he didn't want me. Definately made me feel crap.

Edit: Sorry it's not funny or spectaular, I'm not very good at that :(
(doppelganger, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:51, Reply)

i've never had a girlfrend.
bugger...
(notjustahatrack peeling a sausage..., Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:30, Reply)

A friend of mine
decided to dump her boyfriend on his birthday. She was copying a CD of hers for him, and decided to add an extra track on the end. This extra track consisted of about four of us singing 'You're dumped' down her computer microphone (note: we can't sing) for three minutes.
They stayed friends, but not for long.
(HanaBizzle, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:29, Reply)

i 've often dreamt of...
being a girl or a gay and dating a william; just so i could play the smiths "william, it was really nothing" down the phone while laughing maniacally and singing "sooooo, your are dumped. oooh yeah. 100% yeah. oooh"
/sorry
( ginmakesamanmean Few and far between, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:24, Reply)

i once got dumped via a page!
so imagine this - a poor old telephone operator gets a message from my ex cursing and swearing, telling me im a good for nothing! and then having to page me with this!

the oddest thing was i'd already finished with her about 6 months earlier! maybe she just diddnt get the message... :o)
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:23, Reply)

Christmas
hmm. after nigh on three years of living together my (now) ex went home for christmas as we both used to do. i used this as my opportunity to gwan and buy her a romantic present (the year before i bought her a kitchen knife. a very expensive one mind you. one that she wanted as well) to make up for the previous year's present.
i traipsed all the way to selfridges from hackney and found myself skiting the agent provocateur section (not sure what's more worrying; a man in a ladies underwear shop, or the man walking repeatedly past trying to pluck up the courage...).
eventually i took the plunge, walked in, and found that i'd have to walk all the way to poland st in soho as the selfridges one didn't do gift vouchers (i may be a man, but i'm not so stupid as to actually choose the underwear myself!).
thusly i did walk there.
this time i only loitered outside for two pass by's of the shop front.
i did get the £130 worth of vouchers in the end. not after i'd suffered the torture of the shop girls bearing all the stock gladly from beneath their little pink dresses while i try to look the other way as i'm buying lingerie for the woman i love etc etc.
i get home completely shattered and considerably poorer; but convinced of the joy the little lady would recieve.
the phone rings.
tis her.
she has decided we must split up.
i couldn't really argue with her to be honest. not that i deserved it; just: what the lady wants, the lady gets innit?
i still gave her the underwear. we are still friends.
but will i ever get to see the fruit of my endeavours?
like fuck i will.
kitchen knives from now on it is then....
( ginmakesamanmean Few and far between, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:16, Reply)

just one springs to mind, really...
My first real girlfriend (let's call her Sarah 'cuz that's the bitch's name) was off in Montréal for university and the long-distance thing was definitely not working. We met up at Christmas, and Sarah starts telling me terrible stories about how she's taken advantage of drunk girls at parties. Then, while I'm still in shock (and she's seemingly oblivious to what I'm offended by), she tells me we should stop seeing each other. I didn't even get the satisfaction of dumping her, dammit.
(BlurOfSerenity, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:13, Reply)

I dumped my first girlfriend so I'll tell the story on her behalf.
It was all fantastic until I got a phone call at work one day from a mate who was seeing a girl that knew my bird, apparently she wasnt who she said she was. It turned out she was a liar of the most monumental proportions, lying about her age, where she lived, what school she went to, all sorts of stuff. Not only that, her friends were covering for her as were her mum, her aunt and her step sister. It was a couple of weeks before Christmas and she phoned up the next night and we chatted and she asked what present I wanted. At this juncture I told her to stop and asked if she had been lying to me. The phone went very silent. I asked again. I heard quiet sobbing. I asked what she had to say. Crying a little harder now. So I shouted down the phone "Call me back when you have something to say. SORRY MIGHT BE NICE. OH, AND YOU'RE DUMPED." The crying stepped up a gear and I slammed the phone down. It felt oh so good to hurt her for humiliating me in front of all my friends. I never heard from her ever again.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:12, Reply)

No elvis,
It wasn't.

Sadly (I guess) I am too antisocial to even provide a made-up answer. :(
(god, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:10, Reply)

This isn't going to be very funny
I got dumped by mum when she left asteaming cup of tea, after i'd overheard a dumb american tourist on my headphones talking about the time when his mum told him that if the ice cream van played its tune then it had run out of icecream
(Elvis was right to shoot tvs, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:05, Reply)

Oh yes
My Fiancee dumped me by letter which she wrote from New Zealand, where she was staying as part of her "year out travelling".

The letter arrived on my birthday.

However, I did have all her valuable antique furniture at the time (left to her by her dearly departed father). How we laughed as we built a bonfire in my back garden.

She asked for it back when she arrived back in England. I sent it in an envelope....
( groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 20:01, Reply)

hmmm, let me think....
Oh yes, my fiancee left me while we were both studying at bradford uni.....just entirelly left one day, i got a phone call the next day saying she never wanted to hear from me again, but reassuringly i 'hadnt done anything wrong' well, thats alright then isnt it! women...i tell ya...*sigh*
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 19:53, Reply)

psycho hose-beast
i don't even have a gun, let alone many guns which would neccessitate a rack
(John Doe, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 19:49, Reply)

RimJob Breakup
I was dating the "sensitive guitar guy" for a few months, and was enjoying life in his suburban apartment and his cologne (fahrenheit, EWWWWW). I showed up at his house one evening, and proceeded to give him a ridiculous blow job. During the festivities, I heard him request a finger in his ass. I obliged, a little freaked out, but in love enough to oblige. After rimming his anus, swallowing his semen, I laid next to him only to hear "I don't think this is working out, we need to break up". Keep in mind, I'm naked, covered in semen, with a stink finger. As I tearfully put on my clothes, he tells me I can stay, spend the night, to which he got a glass thrown at his head.

Needless to say, I've never fingered another butthole since...
(katiel, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 19:38, Reply)

hmmm
I once told my girlfriend of a year and a half that i loved her, she turned around and replied "Um, I Think I'm a lesbian." turns out she really was, and had been seeing a girl behind my back. We don't talk anymore...
(Human, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 19:20, Reply)