Perhaps not spectaclular, but poetic justice...
After 5 years and 2 months (including two final wonderful years) we were sat in the cinema waiting for "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" to start (December 1988). She was a bit quiet so I asked what was wrong. "I don't love you any more". Bam! Just like that. No warning. Nothing. I was so stunned I stayed and watched the fucking film.

The joke's on her, though. She got married to some builder, but it didn't last. The last I saw of her she was working in a bar trying to make ends meet. Fuck her, and what she threw away.
(the_hammerhead_tart -- In love with a strict machine, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 11:14, Reply)

Oh Yeah....
...and a few years back I was going out with my (female) flatmate's wee sister.

One night we got drunk in the flat and I slept with the flatmate. Big guilt - talking - yada, yada, yada "Never again".

A couple of months later, it happened again.
And again. And once more for luck.

The flatmate felt really guilty and it all got FUBAR. I really wanted to be with the flatmate, but was still going out with her wee sister.

In the end I split up with the sister, thinking that that flatmate might not feel so guilty now, but it had the opposite effect and she totally rejected me after that. Wouldn't speak to me or anything, and suddenly became her sis's best friend. I had to move out in the end.

Naturally, we never told the wee sis.

Man, I'm suck a f**k-up with women!
(mojo_t_monkey, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 11:13, Reply)

Fastest put down in history?
Once chatted up a woman at an aftershow party.

Me: So are you seeing anyone?

Her: Actually, I'm married.

Me: Oh... (Thinks)... Happily?

Fastest ever put down went like this at a barbecue gathering. I walked up to her and said:

Me: Hi.

Her: (Points immediately) That's my husband.

No "Hello, I'm Mrs such and such" or anything.

TOLD.
(microsaulxp, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 11:10, Reply)

she stole my health and car,...
i had cancer, when i got out the girl i was going out with for 4 years almost randomly dumped me for being ill* the day before my birthday, this was january this year.

yes im bitter about it

no i dont stalk the pubs of portsmouth looking for her

no i didnt cut her break cables







*actual reason given, no warning, ran away with car to life of drug abuse, and single motherdom in gosport more then likely
(codec monkey, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 11:06, Reply)

May the best man sin.
Saw a girl at University once. She'd just split up with her boyfriend of several years and I wasn't kidding myself by thinking we were going to last.

Now here's the dictionary definition of a lucky escape:

She dumped me. They got back together. I met him at the university ball thinking "fair enough, just hope he's a nice guy."

He was so dull my mind turned inside out.

Dumping me, for HIM?

I then mentioned a birthmark she had in a rather intimate place to ignite an interesting response.

His reaction?

"Yes, it's nice isn't it?"

He made the music of Phil Collins seem fascinating.

Years later, at a reunion talking with the girls, it transpired that he then went to America. He met lots of men. LOTS of men. And didn't come back. To women.

She has also turned into a scary bunny boiler.

*Smiles winningly*
(microsaulxp, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 11:06, Reply)

E dumpage
Early 90/91 ish and nothing else was as important as going clubbing/free party hunting etc. I dumped my then very gorgeous girlfriend (Natalie) because she was 'Getting in the way of my club life' she said 'Can we stay lovers' I said 'No that would just be wrong' jeeeeeesus drugs r bad mkay.... Regrets , I've had a few....

E makes it very hard to dump someone efectively.

We dont really speak when we see each other about cringe.
(bblac didnt get the new job booo rotten bastards, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 11:03, Reply)

Secret Lesbian Outed
I was seeing this girl when I was at college.

One night we were having a chat about stuff:
Her: Have you ever thought about, y'know, going with a man?
Me: Nahhh... doesn't float my boat...
(Silence)
Me: Have you ever thought about going with a girl?
Her: OH YEAH!....

And with that, the floodgates were removed. She'd been fanatasing for ages and asked would I be up for arranging a threesome with her mate, so she can try it out. "Oh, alright, if you like" I said trying to contain my shaky voice.

The next week, sure enough, the three of us burst through the flat door - drunk as monkeys - and start kissing and stuff. It progresses to the bedroom, where the three of us get down to it. Except, it's more the two of them, and me.

The next day, we're at a party and I'm getting tired. "Do you want to go home?" I asked my girlfriend.

"OH MY GOD! You are totally crowding me - controlling me - I don't think this is going to work out. I'm sorry. It's over"

F**k me, that came from nowhere.

They are still together, just the two of them. Still, the memories still provide good wanking material.
(mojo_t_monkey, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 10:52, Reply)

Not me but a relative.....
His wife ran off with a gym mistress.
(Doctor Evil, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 10:43, Reply)

Scene: A canal in Banbury town centre
Having got off our barge to lift up the swing bridge, I found that one of the cast iron counterweights was missing, no doubt nicked by the local chavs.
So there followed 5 to 10 minutes of sweating and struggling to lift up the bridge and allow our boat to pass.
However, said barge fails to materialise so in less than a good mood after another boat passes under the bridge, I go back to our vessel to see what's going on.
I suppose I shouldn't have shouted at her..... so I got dumped on hols.
BTW, TJF, if you're reading this in NZ the only reason I was still going out with you was to go on this f*cking holiday with you after you were unfaithful to me when you worked in Cambridge - you just pre-empted me.
Oh, and you were a lousy shag..... not that I'm bitter after 23 years......

PS 2 days after my SECOND holiday on the Oxford Canal 9 years later, my then girlfriend rang me up and dumped me!! It's a curse I tell you...
(Doctor Evil, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 10:41, Reply)

Does this count?
Got chatting to a lass, got her number. SO far so good. Call her the next day, "It isn't going to work, we're both Capricorns". What the fuck?! Dumped before it started, good eh?
(CdrVimes, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 10:38, Reply)

Spectacularly ordinary
blah blah blah - not happy with things as they are - blah blah blah - see you more like a brother - blah blah blah - can we still be friends? - blah blah bloddy blah blah blah bollocks.
The Bitch then sat around in the pub flirting with my mates.
Not that I'm bitter. The fat twunt.
(Rata-tat-atouille, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 10:36, Reply)

Hey Judy!
I hope your reading B3ta today, cause you're dumped bitch!
(Steve The Monkey, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 10:27, Reply)

When I was a young lad
I thought I was in love (we're talking 8 years old here or something) so started 'going out' with this girl. Hardly spoke to her etc.

Anyway, decided I was getting bored with her, so I got a video clip of the 1966 cup final, and just recorded the bit where he goes "they think its all over...it is now"

and gave it to her to watch.

Thought that was pretty nice :)
( tico, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 10:22, Reply)

shameful, but true.
while having illicit nookie with a mates bird who was "up for it", the phone rang.

Her place, and her phone.

She answers, it's her current.
10 minute call follows, while we are still gently "on the job", she moans at him about being unfaithfull and unreliable before telling him it's all over and she's found someone else...

Hangs up and we finish off in a energetic and sweaty way.

Never saw my mate again.... she stayed with me for about 3 months before pissing off to surbiton to shack up with some twunt who got busted for shoplifting from Iceland.
(Dangermouse., Fri 18 Jun 2004, 10:04, Reply)

neighbourly
A girlfriend and me moved in to a new house in Chiswick and met these two guys next door who were arseholes but a good laugh. They spent the entire night trying to get off with us which was quite annoying as we'd only just met them. Later on, my mate ended up going back to one of the lads bedrooms and I pretty much passed out in the garden. The other lad, Tony, pissed out of his face wanted to try and get me home. Instead of walking me round, he picked me up and just dumped me on the other side of the fence in to our garden and left me there to sleep.

/Brian, thats the plot of episode 7 from series 4 of Men Behaving Badly told from the perspective of one of the girls next door. Where have you really been?
(monkeyatemyhomework, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 10:01, Reply)

Whoa - and this is true...
The relationship was on its way out for quite a while, there was a distance between us both physically and mentally + living in Coventry certainly did not help her cause.

Anyway, we met up - discussed where we were going with our lifes, blah, blah, and were driving back to Cov. when somewhere in Warwickshire the inevitable happened and she announced the relationship was over. I was dumped. Ho Hum...

However, her next action took me by surprise. She turned directly into the on-coming traffic into a chuffing Astra. My reaction was simply to yank the steering wheel towards me so rather than the Astra hitting the passenger door with me behind it me - it hit the front of the motor at about 50 mph impact speed.

Loud Bang.

She burst out in tears - started apologising for everything under the sun (yeah for an attempt on my chuffing life wasn't mentioned). I checked the other driver (who was fine), grabbed the (now) 'ex out of the car and pulled it onto the side, cleared the road of both cars and called the rozzers. All done, I started shaking and took about two minutes until I could light a cigarette properly.

On the bright side - a couple of years later I heard she was shacked up with some guy who vends coke machines....Nice
(drydo, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 9:52, Reply)

Not me but a mate...
He had been seeing this girl for a while and had decided enough was enough. He called her round to his place for what can only be described as farewell sex. She was not aware this was going to be her last "go". He does the job and gets off her to go have a shower, he pops his head back round the bedroom door and said "Yeah thanks for that but I never want to see you again. Bye!" He then waited in the shower till she left. He was lucky in my opinion to have none of his stuff damaged.
( studlywonder, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 9:42, Reply)

Cold
I've never been spectacularly dumped (though god knows i've deserved to be, heathen that i am) but I had a friend at college who was dropped in a not exactly fancy but really quite cold hearted fashion.

He was seeing a girl in his village who he absolutely adored, in his head it was all hearts, flowers and prancing unicorns. Obviously to her it wasn't quite that way. He found this out when he called round to her house only to find from a neighbour that she had moved, to Wales. No note, no nothing and he never heard from her again. Like i say, cold.

Having said that, that might have just been his story. He could have actually killed her and done away with the body (perhaps in Wales), he was definately the type. He was into battle reinactment and once ate a pigeon that he found dead in the road. Guts chickens with his bare hands for a living these days. Cracking bloke though.
(mudflaps, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 8:57, Reply)

Ooh! Just remembered!
My friend has this bitch of a girlfriend who never talked to him, and he wanted to dump her- but in an interesting way. Well we were all suggesting fun ways to dump her, and he decided on my one.

So, he walks up to her in her huge gang of cronies, and says:

Him: "Knock knock"
Her: "Who's there?"
Him: "Not you any more!"

Unfortunatly he didn't do the one we all wanted him to do; drop his pants and smack her across the face with his dick.. damn..
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 8:53, Reply)

Whilst Speeding Down the Highway
I was driving his car (he'd been drinking), and okay, maybe we weren't speeding, because there was a lot of ice, but we were at least going 50 mph!

He pulls on the emergency brake, the car starts to skid and swerve and eventually slides off into the plowed snow piled on the side of the road. Wherein, upon stopping, he informs me that he's dumping me because I'm insane and could I please get out of his car.
(Ecclesia, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 8:44, Reply)

my cousin from gillingham
got married to her fiance in a largish familly church/ village hall reception thingy.

One year later, almost to the day, she gets home and finds a note from the twunt detailing with the aid of sums and examples how he would be finacially better off single.

she eventually got married again to a much nicer bloke and now has two kids. yay!

incidentally, a word of advice: never dump someone when you have 6 months left on the lease of the shared house. it gets messy and sometimes violent.
(magictorch, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 8:44, Reply)

It was her Birthday
we were both in a night club and i was supposed to be staying at her place after the night out. We had been seeing each other for 2 1/2 years.
She went onto the dance floor with one of her friends and next thing i know she has her face stuck to some guy. Fine she has been getting the odd snog as its her birthday i am a little jealous but, the next thing i know they both come over she has been seeing the guy for 2 weeks previous whilst seeing me and tells me its over as she is going home with this guy.
So i am stuck in town with little cash luckily I was still working in a taxi office and got a lift home on the cheap, (plus some nice smoking stuff from the driver for free).

I didn't see her for ages but my kid sister bumped into a friend of hers and it seems that she had been telling people that she finished it because i had raped her!!!
One quick phone call and a threat of slander proceedings and the rumours soon stopped. Especially as she had told me that her ex had raped her. I now get on on with her ex when i see him out and about.
( Plomien is Polish for flame, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 8:19, Reply)

not really spectacular, just unfortunate
Several years ago I was seeing a nurse, she wasn’t the prettiest or most petit women but she was filthy in bed.. Hey I have never pretended to have any real standards..
Anyway about 3 months into the relationship, after a pretty drunken weekend away with MY mates we went out on a Wednesday night to a club in town. On the way into the club we had the discussion about friends and I turned round and told her I never thought I was a good judge of character, how right I was. After much drinking I went for some food and came back to find her with another bloke, bad enough but I was pissed and meant to be staying at her place but my car was there, I lived 15 miles away and had no money for a taxi home and back to pick up my car for work the next morning..
She offered to put me up at her place so she got a taxi back to hers with me, left me at her house then went back to meet the guy.
I didn’t even have the strength to take petty revenge despite being alone in her house, and ended up driving home at 3 in the morning.
I know its not big or clever but what else could i do ???
anyway sorry for the length will try and get a funny one next time..
(tufty the chav slayer, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 7:54, Reply)

not me...
but my partner's brother managed to dump someone, literally. Whilst on the way home he was having an argument with his then current girlfriend. Conveniently at the side of the road there was a large skip outside a house being renovated.

Instead of continuing to bicker he simply picked her up and placed her in the skip. Doesn't really require further comment.
(garfi3ld, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 7:51, Reply)

Menage a trois
Again, I wasn't dumped. But I caused a dumping.

This bloke S was married and unhappy in Scotland. His life began to change when he met this girl called X. He went to East Timor in 1999 and had some life-changing experiences... leading him to divorce his wife and move to Timor permanently to be with X.

Now about a week before he arrives in Timor, X is passing through Jakarta and needs a place to stay. We get it on in the most beautiful way...

So when poor S turns up in the Jak, he's cut all his ties in Scotland and he's got a connecting flight to loveless and hostile East Timor! He wanted to kick my arse, but he's such a hippie-softy he couldn't.

Now he's going out with a Timorese news reader and I am still with X.

No apologies for length. The whole thing took about three years to pan out and we refer to it as some kind of tropical jet-set Dr Zhivago.
(junglejim, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 7:37, Reply)

new years eve
1994. pub full of mates, much beer already consumed.

only spectacularly bad in its timing.
(magictorch, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 7:25, Reply)

well..
this one time when i was in kindergarten i had a girl tell me i was her boyfriend at the beggining of the day. i was in love, even though we didnt say anything to eachother past that. well, at least until about 2 o'clock, when she told me she'd dumped me. ahhh, young love.
(wampa_stompa, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 6:57, Reply)

Oh, man.
Well, I had recently gotten my degree and returned home to start looking for a job. While I was working at Best Buy, I chanced to run across an old friend from high school. He gave me his number, but I didn't call until a few months later when I got his wife, who informed me that they were having a divorce and he had already moved out.

But then we began chatting, and I had a nice catch up with the guys ex-wife (whom I also knew from high school, but only vaguely). I called again a few nights later and things became friendlier. Soon I was dating this woman, and a while later, we were.. something of an item.

So one evening, I was over and things were intimate (ahem), and I heard a loud noise outside the window. We go outside and we see my old friend running away. He had left ex-wife a lengthy note on her car, and one for me that read simply 'BASTARD'.

Apparently, he had had second thoughts about the whole divorce thing, came over, noticed my car in the drive, snuck in and watched us through the window and was very disturbed by the sight of his not-yet-divorced spouse wearing a sexy bondage costume and eagerly engaging in certain naawty oral activities with me. He watched the entire thing from start to finish. I'm still somewhat horrified by this.

And I have to admit that I was disturbed enough by the whole incident later that we ended up breaking up over it. The next morning.

So thats my tale.
(the_never, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 6:55, Reply)

dont get me fucking started.

( PMGT -Bacon., Fri 18 Jun 2004, 6:25, Reply)