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*does her interpretation of Edith Bowman*
*screechy high pitched SCOOOOOOTTISH*

EEEEEEEEEDIFF BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-MAN

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOBLE DOOOOOOOOOOOVET SWEEEEEEEEEEET
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:07, archived)
OCH AYE, HOOTS MAN

(Londingham ., Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:08, archived)
You have never actually head a Scottish person speak
AICMFP
(I helped save b3ta! Mystery_Bob, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:09, archived)
It's just the aura I get from her

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:10, archived)
I used to work with a great scott called John.
I had trouble understanding half of what he said. He'd try 3 times then on the 4th time, he'd do it with an fake cockney old man accent and I'd understand every word.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:15, archived)
GREAT SCOTT!

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:16, archived)
I just re-read and saw that too. Pffft.
I'm such a dozzy old bag.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:17, archived)
1.21 JIGAWATTS!?!?!

(I helped save b3ta! elusive I'm not really here. You're imagining me, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:17, archived)
I know, this is heavy.

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:19, archived)
before i moved to scotland
i had no idea what rab c nesbitt was saying. now i understand him perfectly
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:18, archived)
Some I can understand fine, and when I went to Orkney I understood it all.
the only words John said I understood were "fook" & "pub", we got on very well :o)
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:20, archived)
have you ever heard dialectic shetlander?
THAT is some mad language
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:40, archived)
I used to work in a pub
and on one occasion we had a Glaswegian man come in, and I couldn't understand a word he said. After several attempts, he managed to make it comprehensible as "toonaalfpintscook", so I poured two and a half pints of coke. The bastard got shirty, because he actually wanted two half-pints of coke.

I don't work in a pub any more.
(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:19, archived)
*cringes for you*
When I had the misfortune to work in a Gentlemens club in the shithole that it Great Yarmouth, we used to get a lot of offshore oil workers in. Now, men from the wilds of Scotland have thick accents on the best of days.

Trying to understand them after they've been cooped up with other Scottish men for 4 months, and have been drinking heavily, is nigh on impossible.
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:21, archived)
We just talk this way
as we are plotting your impending doom and don't want to ruin the surprise we have planned for your ultimate demise.
(I helped save b3ta! elusive I'm not really here. You're imagining me, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:24, archived)
*fears*
*hides*

I get so frustrated when I can't understand people. Especially in the club, because the music is so loud.

I've developed a technique of generic answers and facial expressions to convey what I hope passes for understanding.
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:27, archived)
I'm just shit with anyone that doesn't have a southern english accent.
But I just admit it first, and ask them to be patient with me. We get there in the end.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:28, archived)
I worked in the same team as John for a year.
He was very patient with me. But often gave me funny looks and gave up when I kept replying with answers that had nothing to do with what he'd asked.
"mausercannebooootwillyenoresetit?"

"I love me new shoes too! thanks for the compliment"

Hours of fun.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:23, archived)
I also work with a chinese guy called Will. That can be very tricky.
Though he spends most of his time trying to make me say yellow, or chinky.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:26, archived)
Do you have trouble saying those words?

(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:27, archived)
I'm really gullible, he often holds up post-it's and goes "what colour?"
"Yellow"
"You CALL ME YELLOW?!"
"Oh arse"
Also if I call him a "cheeky monkey" he sands in the middle of the office and says "You call me chinky!!"
I love my work mates. We mostly call him Little Tiny Will".
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:31, archived)
*claps*
He sounds like a lovely man :)
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:32, archived)
Pfffffffffffffffffffffft
I once worked with the most anti-racist guy in the world, seriously, any casual ethnic slur was met with a lecture and strong disapproval, and he always wore those anti-racist charity wristbands.

So we're sat in the office, and sky sports in on the tv in the corner, I started waxing lyrical about how much I would like to do Thierry Henry.

"What? He looks like a monkey!"

When he realised what he'd said he flushed red, and didn't calm down for the rest of the shift. I never let him forget it, never never.
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:29, archived)
Brilliant!
*edit - I once compared the Nigerian workforce to monkeys, I went to visit my dad in Nigeria and they just sat around scratching themselves.
I quickly remembered monkey was and is a racial slur. Nice workplace chatter.
(I helped save b3ta! TN, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:32, archived)
*cringes*
Goddddddddddd.

See, at least you didn't mean it like that.

When I was a temp, I was working in a travel insurance admin office. I'd been there 2 days, and during a political discussion over coffee breaks, one of the older guys says "We should give AIDs to China, might thin them out a bit".

With a totally straight face.

I nearly spat my coffee out. Fucking brilliant. I'd known the guy 2 days!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:37, archived)
That's pretty shocking

(I helped save b3ta! TN, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:41, archived)
I still don't know if he meant it, I was only there for a week.

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:43, archived)
It could be a joke
I mean, it was two jokes in one and the best leave you on edge.
(I helped save b3ta! TN, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:44, archived)
He he. Good girl.
I also work with a French lady. She takes it all in her stride too. Then again one of my nick names at work is Minge, so she's got it easy.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:33, archived)
Hehehehe, I love Casual Informal Prejudice
Makes the world a nicer place.
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:35, archived)
We find something in most people to take the piss out of at work.
If they are no obvious things, we just make them up.

It makes a day in a very tense office, be a day with giggles.
(I helped save b3ta! WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:37, archived)
Giggles improve any day.

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Sat 7 Jul 2007, 13:41, archived)