b3ta.com user Mystery_Bob
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Profile for Mystery_Bob:
Profile Info:

Although I am not all that visible on B3ta these days, I promise you that I am always there. Watching. Just outside your window.

I don't make many silly pictures anymore, but I do make music which you can listen to on Soundcloud or Bandcamp.

The silly pictures that i do draw these days can be found at Beard Complex.

My Website

Recent front page messages:


(Mon 18th Sep 2017, 16:11, More)

In my head it looked better, but in practice I really don't want to have to draw all those bees.

Beard Complex

(Mon 3rd Mar 2014, 19:44, More)

If you don't heed the warning, what do you expect?

Beard Complex

(Mon 27th Jan 2014, 15:58, More)

It was either this, or Old Spice Invaders.

Beard Complex

(Mon 20th Jan 2014, 16:55, More)

On a first date? Shocking!

(Wed 8th Jan 2014, 15:18, More)

You don't want to know how they make flat panels.


(Fri 27th Dec 2013, 10:45, More)


(Thu 27th May 2010, 23:30, More)

No matter how many balloons I tie to my house
I am going straight down to hell.

(Wed 10th Mar 2010, 21:39, More)

In 1974, Atari engineer Harold Lee proposed a home version of Pong that would connect to a television: Home Pong. The system began development under the codename Darlene, named after an attractive female employee at Atari.
(Mon 8th Feb 2010, 5:54, More)


(Sat 27th Jun 2009, 14:38, More)

May i hijck this thread
to slip this one into the challenge...

(Thu 20th Mar 2008, 0:23, More)

It's an annual repost for me
but i am a fan of bringing other religions and cultures into our Christmas celebrations.

(Wed 5th Dec 2007, 20:45, More)


(Wed 21st Nov 2007, 17:14, More)

Quick and dirty

(Sun 5th Nov 2006, 9:42, More)


(Thu 12th Oct 2006, 1:47, More)

Alien girls are so naive...

...they'll do ANYTHING!
(Fri 1st Sep 2006, 19:07, More)

Cadbury's Creme Cock was a failure...

click for slightly bigger

but the love-egg version went on to have great success.

(Fri 17th Mar 2006, 14:50, More)


(Tue 25th Oct 2005, 6:15, More)

Henman should have a better chance of winning Wimbledon next year...

(Fri 26th Aug 2005, 22:34, More)


Previously... | My B3ta Pics | Make me a robot
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 13:06, More)

Why won't Kraftwerk

(Tue 3rd May 2005, 12:25, More)

The wild clothes horses of the Serengeti...

...were hunted to extinction for their fine pelts.
(Fri 14th Jan 2005, 13:36, More)


(Sun 3rd Oct 2004, 8:26, More)


(Fri 17th Sep 2004, 17:17, More)


(Fri 17th Sep 2004, 2:35, More)


(Thu 8th Jul 2004, 8:09, More)


(Thu 1st Jul 2004, 19:16, More)


(Tue 29th Jun 2004, 3:23, More)


(Sat 12th Jun 2004, 0:58, More)

God bless Her Majesty

100 FPs - can I go home now? Please?
(Fri 19th Mar 2004, 12:37, More)


Fragger... see... this is what you make me think of...
(Fri 19th Mar 2004, 10:32, More)

A glimpse into the world of product development.

click to embigify

(Thu 15th Jan 2004, 10:55, More)


(Mon 8th Dec 2003, 15:01, More)

The perfect date...

(Thu 6th Nov 2003, 19:37, More)


(Thu 6th Nov 2003, 17:58, More)


(Wed 29th Oct 2003, 17:27, More)

I have been trying to enhance the pictures from the Apollo missions...

...and the resuts are quite scary.
(Sat 25th Oct 2003, 21:48, More)

Plants are so rude...

...when you turn your back.
(Wed 22nd Oct 2003, 23:09, More)

Can there be a more majestic sight in nature...

...than wild robots galloping across the plain?
(Wed 15th Oct 2003, 22:15, More)

(Fri 3rd Oct 2003, 14:18, More)

This is how people travelled before trains were invented...

click for transmorgawallpaperfication

...at least they did round here.
(Tue 30th Sep 2003, 2:40, More)

Fly Mr Jeffries...

...fly to the sky - you're free now!
(Thu 25th Sep 2003, 23:34, More)

(Thu 18th Sep 2003, 13:59, More)

(Sat 13th Sep 2003, 11:52, More)

The farmer would come to regret....

...leaving his keys in the front door.
(Tue 9th Sep 2003, 21:35, More)

Me lunch you long time....

(Tue 9th Sep 2003, 13:12, More)

The Misheard History of Vikings... Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
(Fri 5th Sep 2003, 14:34, More)

Ukelele man is gaining in popularity...

...and is being stalked by the photographers from Heat magazine....
(Tue 2nd Sep 2003, 2:00, More)

The Misheard History of Vikings... Part 1

(Mon 1st Sep 2003, 23:43, More)

New in arcades...

...and on Playstation 2.
(Sun 31st Aug 2003, 2:40, More)

(Fri 22nd Aug 2003, 20:27, More)

(Thu 14th Aug 2003, 16:34, More)

Watch out...

...when you hit 88 mph.
(Sat 9th Aug 2003, 5:35, More)

Good Morning...

...is this supposed to happen when I make breakfast?
(Fri 8th Aug 2003, 6:51, More)

Someone has to fight all this fire.

(Tue 5th Aug 2003, 4:27, More)

I've been doing a lot of this recently...

...by that I mean I've been spending a lot of time as a cat that plays the guitar.
(Tue 5th Aug 2003, 3:19, More)

(Thu 31st Jul 2003, 10:58, More)

Sorry if it has been done before...

(Tue 22nd Jul 2003, 21:20, More)

Many youngsters are attracted to the Hammond Organ...

...but it takes an experienced musician to handle the speed and power.
(Mon 21st Jul 2003, 11:54, More)

Lock up your daughters...

...the Gibbons are coming to town.
(Tue 15th Jul 2003, 23:58, More)

A simple story...

...with a simple message.
(Fri 11th Jul 2003, 15:32, More)

How monkeys get to work...

100% of FACT
(Tue 8th Jul 2003, 23:57, More)

Evening folks...

...anyone miss me?

(Tue 8th Jul 2003, 22:18, More)

(Sat 5th Jul 2003, 20:23, More)

It was a normal day at the lake, until:

(Thu 3rd Jul 2003, 4:26, More)

Silly Ukeleleman...

...he should be more careful!
(Tue 1st Jul 2003, 21:02, More)

...the rabbit caught up with Ukelele Man!

...maybe I should bring him out of retirement.
(Tue 1st Jul 2003, 20:15, More)

The Misheard History of Pirates... Part 24


(Sun 29th Jun 2003, 23:33, More)

This is how I want to go...

(Sat 28th Jun 2003, 18:14, More)

Buses always show up two at a time...

...because they are racing.
(Thu 26th Jun 2003, 22:52, More)

ho hum...

(Thu 26th Jun 2003, 21:43, More)


(Thu 26th Jun 2003, 1:55, More)

I have no idea why...

(Thu 26th Jun 2003, 1:28, More)

(Wed 25th Jun 2003, 21:40, More)

Yay for otters...

...I'm going to get an early night I think. I am so tired, yet so happy.
(Sun 22nd Jun 2003, 21:06, More)

(Fri 20th Jun 2003, 12:48, More)

I can't wait...

...to go to the safari park on Sunday!
(Tue 17th Jun 2003, 17:01, More)

(Tue 3rd Jun 2003, 22:38, More)


...I wouldn't mind paying 10p a go.
(Fri 23rd May 2003, 22:20, More)


(Thu 15th May 2003, 1:49, More)

I had to get this out of my head...

(Sun 11th May 2003, 23:44, More)

Brrrr... it's cold!

(Sun 4th May 2003, 14:01, More)

The Misheard History of Pirates... Part 15

Yarrr! The galley now be updated ye scurvy dogs!
(Thu 1st May 2003, 23:59, More)

The Misheard History of Pirates... Part 11

Galley now availible! Altered due to public demand :)
(Tue 22nd Apr 2003, 22:23, More)

The Misheard History of Pirates... Part 8

(Tue 15th Apr 2003, 20:20, More)

Very poor...

...but I am trying to force an end to my hummus drought.
(Mon 7th Apr 2003, 18:57, More)

I liked this little fellow...

...so I thought he deserved to be animated.
(Wed 26th Mar 2003, 22:45, More)

carrying on from last night...

...a wee tiling effort.
(Wed 26th Mar 2003, 20:49, More)


(Sun 23rd Mar 2003, 6:09, More)

We've got to face up to it...

(Fri 21st Mar 2003, 12:17, More)

la la la...

(Tue 11th Mar 2003, 23:18, More)


(Tue 11th Mar 2003, 18:17, More)

Ever wondered...

...where Cadbury's Creme Eggs come from?
(Sun 9th Mar 2003, 0:16, More)

Don't take the destruction of your city personally...

...it's just a job you know.
(Wed 5th Mar 2003, 16:26, More)

Ever since i was a kid...

I've wanted to be a robot driver...
(Mon 3rd Mar 2003, 21:12, More)

a day in the life of a robot...
part two... the weekend

part one
(Sun 2nd Mar 2003, 14:13, More)

a day in the life of a robot...

(Thu 27th Feb 2003, 10:54, More)


"A bit higher dad", said William Jr.
(Wed 26th Feb 2003, 8:30, More)

'Wave your hands in the air, like you don't care...'

(Fri 21st Feb 2003, 22:34, More)

NASA have just released this photo...

(Sun 16th Feb 2003, 19:50, More)

He didn't want to start another fight...

...but Sooty couldn't keep quiet about his suspicions for much longer.
(Thu 13th Feb 2003, 18:40, More)

one last thing before bed...

clicky piccy biggy
(Thu 13th Feb 2003, 1:48, More)

Watch out... ukelele man is on the loose...

based on this
(Sun 2nd Feb 2003, 20:01, More)

no-one really knows...
...what happened to the Wooly Marmoth.

(Fri 24th Jan 2003, 22:43, More)

la la la...

(Wed 22nd Jan 2003, 19:46, More)


(Tue 14th Jan 2003, 16:10, More)

It's tough work builiding in the forest...

(Mon 13th Jan 2003, 19:59, More)


...ice cream!
(Sun 12th Jan 2003, 12:13, More)

I noticed that I am 100 days old today, so I did this to celebrate...

no reason other than that baby came up in a google image search for '100 days'...
(Wed 8th Jan 2003, 9:40, More)

Field trials of the copterhat...

...showed unexpected side effects.
part one
(Wed 8th Jan 2003, 8:20, More)

Bert's new hat helped to hide his little 'problem'

(Fri 3rd Jan 2003, 11:34, More)

Never underestimate the speed...

...of an old man on a chair playing the ukelele.

That is all.
(Thu 2nd Jan 2003, 0:48, More)

Although Doug liked chasing sticks...

...he was more of an armchair fan.
(Wed 1st Jan 2003, 22:12, More)

Geoff's mates had a great time at his wedding...

...little did they know, they would never see him again after that night.

I'm off now - Happy New Year everybody...
(Tue 31st Dec 2002, 21:00, More)

Well... I'm not sure what he is protesting about...

...but, by god, it's his right to do it.
(Tue 31st Dec 2002, 19:19, More)

Luke... fancy a pint?

(Mon 30th Dec 2002, 19:17, More)

FACT: policemen feed children to hippos...

..but at least they enjoy it, so that's OK.
(Sun 29th Dec 2002, 0:57, More)

May there be peace on earth...

...and good swill to all men.
(Thu 26th Dec 2002, 19:28, More)


"...don't worry dear, I'll get it"
(Sun 15th Dec 2002, 22:49, More)

Come on now...

...we've got to get these ears clean!
(Sun 15th Dec 2002, 3:45, More)

Ohhh... what did I drink last night?

...I swear - never again...
(Fri 13th Dec 2002, 22:24, More)


...it's a game of two calves.
(Sun 8th Dec 2002, 14:30, More)

Sometimes the tooth fairy can get a bit impatient...

(Wed 4th Dec 2002, 21:44, More)

Just got this out the video shop...

(Thu 21st Nov 2002, 20:06, More)

Quite frankly, there are too many ostriches about...

...have an E-Moo instead
(Sun 10th Nov 2002, 21:28, More)

i've not been here for a few days...

and I find another Frankenstein joke on the front page... small world eh?
(Sat 2nd Nov 2002, 9:48, More)

New for this Christmas...

All the kids will want a set!

woo hoo to me - it's my 100th post!
(Thu 24th Oct 2002, 23:42, More)

The manual is really good...

But I'm having a bit of trouble finding spares.
(Mon 7th Oct 2002, 19:01, More)

Charles Darwin didn't spend all his time inventing evolution...

...he also liked to pitch film ideas to Hollywood.
(Sun 6th Oct 2002, 14:23, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Encounters with Royalty

While in hospital
my brother was told that Prince Charles would be visiting his ward on some kind of royal visit thing.

On the same day, he was scheduled to give a sperm sample for possible future use, as he was about to undergo chemotherapy which would likely make him sterile.

When my mum phoned him at lunchtime she asked, "How are you today?"

"Great!" he replied, "I had a wank and met a prince."

"Well I hope you washed your hands," she said.
(Thu 3rd Aug 2006, 16:52, More)

» Road Rage

A few years back
a friend of mine was giving me a lift home, sometime after midnight.

Near to my house was a chap and his girlfriend standing by the side of the road, their car immobile. The chap waved at us to stop.

"Can you possibly tow me to a petrol station? I have a rope in the back of my car..."

Now my mate didn't really want to do this, but he is a thoroughly nice chap who wouldn't want to leave somebody else in need, so he agreed.

The journey to the petrol station wasn't all that smooth - my friend was a pretty inexperienced driver at the time and his first towing experience was a bit jerky, but we got to the garage.

"Thanks very much," said the other bloke, "...but when you are towing a car and it starts to jerk like that, you should blah blah..." he then proceeded to give my friend a patronising lecture on how to tow a car properly. This annoyed me greatly.

I replied, "See when that red light in the fuel guage comes on, that means you should fill the car with petrol."
(Mon 16th Oct 2006, 15:32, More)

» Stupid Colleagues

Many years ago while working a temp job for the DSS
one of my fellow workers had a book in his hand as he arrived in the morning. One of those huge, oversized american horror-writer type books.

"Woah - that's a big book," exclaims one of the duller chaps in the office, "Have you read the whole thing?"

- "Well, no - I am about three quarters of the way through. I just read a bit on the bus every day."

"But, it's so big. How can you remember all the stuff from the beginning by the time you get to the end??"
(Thu 3rd Mar 2011, 22:52, More)

» Best Comebacks

I am absolutely rubbish as quick, witty comebacks.
I guarantee I will think of the perfect thing to say abut two days after this particular question of the week is closed.
(Thu 29th Apr 2004, 14:51, More)

» Worst Record Ever

I borrow my sister's car a lot,
but it has no CD player in it, therefore I tend to listen to whatever is on the Radio - sometimes I sing along if it's a nice tune.

A couple of months ago while driving through Edinburgh I had the window rolled down as it was a nice day - I stopped at a set of traffic lights and noticed a rather attractive girl walking along the pavement, looking directly at me.

At first I thought, "Woo - my animal magnetism is drawing her to me", then I realised I was singing rather loudly to 'More than Words' by Extreme. She was simply looking at me with pity and disgust.

I hate that song now.
(Tue 2nd Dec 2003, 21:32, More)
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