b3ta.com user Mystery_Bob
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Profile for Mystery_Bob:
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Although I am not all that visible on B3ta these days, I promise you that I am always there. Watching. Just outside your window.

I don't make many silly pictures anymore, but I do make music which you can listen to on Soundcloud or Bandcamp.

The silly pictures that i do draw these days can be found at Beard Complex.

My Website

Recent front page messages:


(Mon 18th Sep 2017, 16:11, More)

In my head it looked better, but in practice I really don't want to have to draw all those bees.

Beard Complex

(Mon 3rd Mar 2014, 19:44, More)

If you don't heed the warning, what do you expect?

Beard Complex

(Mon 27th Jan 2014, 15:58, More)

It was either this, or Old Spice Invaders.

Beard Complex

(Mon 20th Jan 2014, 16:55, More)

On a first date? Shocking!

(Wed 8th Jan 2014, 15:18, More)

You don't want to know how they make flat panels.


(Fri 27th Dec 2013, 10:45, More)


(Thu 27th May 2010, 23:30, More)

No matter how many balloons I tie to my house
I am going straight down to hell.

(Wed 10th Mar 2010, 21:39, More)

In 1974, Atari engineer Harold Lee proposed a home version of Pong that would connect to a television: Home Pong. The system began development under the codename Darlene, named after an attractive female employee at Atari.
(Mon 8th Feb 2010, 5:54, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Encounters with Royalty

While in hospital
my brother was told that Prince Charles would be visiting his ward on some kind of royal visit thing.

On the same day, he was scheduled to give a sperm sample for possible future use, as he was about to undergo chemotherapy which would likely make him sterile.

When my mum phoned him at lunchtime she asked, "How are you today?"

"Great!" he replied, "I had a wank and met a prince."

"Well I hope you washed your hands," she said.
(Thu 3rd Aug 2006, 16:52, More)

» Road Rage

A few years back
a friend of mine was giving me a lift home, sometime after midnight.

Near to my house was a chap and his girlfriend standing by the side of the road, their car immobile. The chap waved at us to stop.

"Can you possibly tow me to a petrol station? I have a rope in the back of my car..."

Now my mate didn't really want to do this, but he is a thoroughly nice chap who wouldn't want to leave somebody else in need, so he agreed.

The journey to the petrol station wasn't all that smooth - my friend was a pretty inexperienced driver at the time and his first towing experience was a bit jerky, but we got to the garage.

"Thanks very much," said the other bloke, "...but when you are towing a car and it starts to jerk like that, you should blah blah..." he then proceeded to give my friend a patronising lecture on how to tow a car properly. This annoyed me greatly.

I replied, "See when that red light in the fuel guage comes on, that means you should fill the car with petrol."
(Mon 16th Oct 2006, 15:32, More)

» Stupid Colleagues

Many years ago while working a temp job for the DSS
one of my fellow workers had a book in his hand as he arrived in the morning. One of those huge, oversized american horror-writer type books.

"Woah - that's a big book," exclaims one of the duller chaps in the office, "Have you read the whole thing?"

- "Well, no - I am about three quarters of the way through. I just read a bit on the bus every day."

"But, it's so big. How can you remember all the stuff from the beginning by the time you get to the end??"
(Thu 3rd Mar 2011, 22:52, More)

» Best Comebacks

I am absolutely rubbish as quick, witty comebacks.
I guarantee I will think of the perfect thing to say abut two days after this particular question of the week is closed.
(Thu 29th Apr 2004, 14:51, More)

» Worst Record Ever

I borrow my sister's car a lot,
but it has no CD player in it, therefore I tend to listen to whatever is on the Radio - sometimes I sing along if it's a nice tune.

A couple of months ago while driving through Edinburgh I had the window rolled down as it was a nice day - I stopped at a set of traffic lights and noticed a rather attractive girl walking along the pavement, looking directly at me.

At first I thought, "Woo - my animal magnetism is drawing her to me", then I realised I was singing rather loudly to 'More than Words' by Extreme. She was simply looking at me with pity and disgust.

I hate that song now.
(Tue 2nd Dec 2003, 21:32, More)
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