Instead of birthing fluid, your mother's womb was filled with vinegar
so that when you came out you looked like a pickled egg with hair.
Your flesh was white and rubbery and you smelled of sick.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:10, archived)

At birth you were donated to the National Rugby Association to help Johnny Wilkinson perfect his drop goals because your eyebrow clapping face made him doubt humanity so much
that he'd punt your shirehorse's hoof of a head with all his might to try and kick the retardation out of you. He'd get angry at you because you'd grip the grass with your teeth that jutted out like a builder's tool belt full of spanners.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:16, archived)

Doctors were baffled at why you didn't grow properly
until they examined you and found to their horror that your bones were made from yoghurt coated twiglets.
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:18, archived)

Every single one of your bodies organs has got a tiny mutant hand attached, the wrist is at 90 degrees to show how homosexual your body is.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:24, archived)

instead of cells
your body has pringlecrumbs
( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:25, archived)

Your mum used to let you lick cake mix from the bowl.
And when I say 'bowl' I mean your Down's haircut, and you'd do it in one lick you freakish, wide tongued chin holder.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:26, archived)

I love you both so much for this thread

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

We try :)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 18:30, archived)