I take a box of matches, tear off the striking surface
fold it lengthways and place if surface down in an ashtray, then set it on fire.
Then I take the greasy residue left on the ashtray, and rub it between my fingers, and amaze people with my awesome smoking fingertips.

It works well if you do the ashtray-burning in secret, then take your besmeared fingers over to a girl you like, rub her earlobe and show her the smoke, proclaiming "WOAH! YOU'RE HOT!"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

has that ever worked?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

worked in what sense?
Producing smoke?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

worked in the sense that you slept with the girl you rubbed chemicals on.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Why would I want to do that?
What sort of desperate cunt goes to bars to find women to sleep with?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

It's more common than you'd think.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

This would certainly explain the increase in ugly people in and around Britain

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

I am placing a £5 bet on
"no"
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

That's pretty cool.
But if someone did the ear thing to me, I'd run a mile.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)