Oh hello.
I don't have a job at the moment, so I'm back to /talk entertaining me.

What's your party peice?

I can fit my fist in my mouth and sing like Belinda Carlisle.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:34, archived)

BANJO!

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

Sweet.
Do you strum a whole tune?
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

Lots of them.
The last session I was at we all played for about three hours, and none of the musicians had ever played together before.
Great gas altogether.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:37, archived)

musical instruments at parties are usually a party killer,
no offence.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:39, archived)

Only if they play songs I don't know the words to.
If I can sing along I love it.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

The hemp trousers stay inside to sway and talk about lentils then, I find
I go outside to smoke and look at stars.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

I had a party at uni
where a bunch of art students were outside playing the bongos in a circle until 5am.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

Pricks

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Fucking cocks.
Nobody's allowed to play them except Jack Lemmon, for starters.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Still a good party,
and I was drunk/stoned enough to pass out over the sound of hippies.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

*pats* awwwwwww.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

I have to agree with you

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

You haven't been to a proper hooley, then.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

Unless that's the intention of the party in the first place.
I'd never bring an instrument the party unless I'm asked to, and I never start playing until the host requests it.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

My tongue is about 6in long

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

When sticking out?
I can't even touvh my nose with mine.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

It's the same length wether I stick it out or not silly girl
It's a bit like a mongs tongue only less scabrous and worn.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

My tongue is about 6" long in my mouth.
But I can't stick it out far.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

I can still be interesting when I don't drink alcoholic drinks.
Also, I'm fucking ace at distracting people.
( WHARRGARBL, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:35, archived)

What distractionary techniques do you use>?

( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:37, archived)

Mostly dancing.
I do a great "what the hell is that" dance.
( WHARRGARBL, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

I do this dance too!
It's so much fun.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:43, archived)

what do you mean, "still"?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

I can swallow hot dogs whole.
I once beat a gay man at a hot dog swallowing competition.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

And I can tie knots in cherry stalks with my tongue

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

I learned to do this last year.
I swallowed 12 stalks before I got the hang of it.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

at a hot dog swallowing competition
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

+ with my extendable clitoris.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:37, archived)

That too.
I beat him until he was DEAD.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

I bet he was black and a cripple as well as a gay.
You hidous bigot.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

He had no legs by the time I'd finished with him.
I'm a terrible terrible person. Worse than Hitler.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:39, archived)

you're like hitler, raping fritzl dressed as that looming mental woman off "Britains got mentals"

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Holden?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

She's not looming
she just sits there with her horrible dead skin, acting like she's interesting and good looking when she's neither.

She should be killed for not being better than she is.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

Plastic Slag.
Not you, Holden.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

My thoughts exactly.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

Is she even a slag ?
I cant see who would want to shag her, shes a fucking ugly cunt.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

She cheated on Les Dennis with Neil bloody Morrissey.
Her piss poor taste aside, I don't like her anyway, which may be clouding my judgement. She just looks as cheap as I suspect she is.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

I'd say anyone married to Les Dennis
could be forgiven for cheating on him with Neil out of the fucking young ones let alone Mr Morrissey.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

I just don't like her, Goaty.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

I dont like her at all
but I think I prefer her to Les Dennis
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

I prefer Les.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

You sick fuck

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

Nobody with clothes on has ever said that to me.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:07, archived)

You asume too much young lady
*bommyknocks keyboard*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:11, archived)

Alright
nobody that wasn't sat shaking in the corner clutching a carving knife has ever said that to me.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

That's one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said about me.
Thanks, you massive mooby fuckbag
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

Mooby ?
I've lost 2 stone since you met me.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

If i'm honest I only really remember you being very
very tall. I wasn't paying attention to your moobs, or not moobs as the case may be.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

I before e except after C. Repeating that.(I have nothing better in my life)
Having backwards arms, doing my impression of Poppy the cat off the Wye bird stop and finding the faults of everyone else there.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

I don't feel so bad about yesterday now :D

( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:37, archived)

What happened yesterday?
Hi poppet *hug* I really am that forgetful.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

I know that saying, thing is, I can't tell ifI've put them round the right way when I look at the word,

( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:39, archived)

I'm just being a twat, I wouldn't worry about it.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

I'm not worried.
Bad spelling is a part of my charm *dazzles*
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

The Wye Bird stop
was the worst of all the playbus stops.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:40, archived)

SHUT THE FUCK UP
I can't do impressions of anyone else, I can only do impressions of me doing impressions of them. My Lloyd Grossman's quite impressive, if you like that sort of thing.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

Actually that mime stop was also pretty shit
I think it was the circle stop or the dot stop.

I do not like that sort of thing, it'll probably leave me crying and confused
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

Phwoar.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

you're such a perve

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

Of course.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

I can do impressions of
Zippy & George (though in my animations, Edd Egg's voice is very similar, so now my attempts at Zippy just sound like Edd Egg)
Patrick Stewart
Brain Blessed (needs a bit more work though)
Andy Parsons
Goofy
Heath Ledger/Joker
Solid Snake
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

I can do accents, but not impressions.
The wife is the other way around.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

I can do a handful of accents too
Mainly Brum for the toons.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Edd egg is just you.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

Your MUM is just you.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

Well, I AM Norman Bates
LOLOL
( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

sitting quietly in the corner
looking like a deer in the headlights when people talk to me.
( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

That's a skill in itself my dear (hehe)
I'm never allowed to stay in the corner. I have a party to go to tonight, and I just know they are not going to let me be,
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:41, archived)

'get the fuck away from me or I shall steal your wallet, go to your house and bite your children'

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

I'm just too polite to say such things to myfriends,
Myspace bar sucks today.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

What sucks?

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

my keyboard space bar, notspacing sowell,

( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

OH.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Nobody puts Fluzzy in the corner.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Now I'm singing about having the time ofmy life,
and imagining fluzzy dirty dancing,
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

inda lender
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:36, archived)

That's a drag tribute act in the making.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:37, archived)

I always think of her as "Bellender Carlisle"

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:38, archived)

I saw her live once
she touched my hand.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:41, archived)

I'd bellend 'er Carlisle.
Hang on, that didn't work did it?
( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

It did
if you assume that "carlisle" is a euphemism for her vadge.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

Oops, sorry

( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

didn't you just get a job?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:39, archived)

I got a short contract a few months back.
ended, now jobless and soon to be homeless.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:42, archived)

:(
Well, anyway it's good to see you back on /talk
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

Thanks Chompy.
*hugs*
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

People see the size of my shoes
and they all laugh, it's a winner ;)
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:41, archived)

That happens to me too!
It's often remarked on how I manage to not fall over all the time.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:43, archived)

Mine are the opposite

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

What size?

( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

UK 15

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

Fucking hell.

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Are you tall with it?
Cos 5'4" would make melaugh. 6'4" would make me swoon,
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

6'6"

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

*swoons*
Then big feet is a good thing,
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

You'd run in terror if you really saw me
Big feet isn't a good thing, shoes cost a fortune and decent looking pairs are few and far between.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

She wouldn't
RIGHT

My Phil who has just left is 6ft7 and a size 13.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

RIGHT

( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:09, archived)

Bah, nothing scares me.
I'm dating Mono for goodness sakes.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

Lord, they are expensive.
Though I like the look of these
www.walktall.co.uk/vans-widow-plus-large-size-nubuck-skate-shoe-black-p-3263.html?osCsid=152f241110676754d5652f52960c1740?size=17
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:15, archived)

They aren't that expensive in the scheme of things
But when I was a size 14 I could get 2 pairs for the price of one pair now.

I just bought some new DC trainers I'm looking forward to wearing at the bash.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:41, archived)

That's still disproportionately clownish though
I'm 6'4 and only have size 11s.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

i can do _this_
*does*
( spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:44, archived)

Wow!
*is amazed*
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:47, archived)

Twisting my left foot back 180 degrees.
Legs apart (not feet side-by-side) and without bending my knees.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

That sounds freaky.
Does it hurt?
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

No, otherwise I wouldn't do it.
I can remove my arm too, but that would bloody hurt.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

I take a box of matches, tear off the striking surface
fold it lengthways and place if surface down in an ashtray, then set it on fire.
Then I take the greasy residue left on the ashtray, and rub it between my fingers, and amaze people with my awesome smoking fingertips.

It works well if you do the ashtray-burning in secret, then take your besmeared fingers over to a girl you like, rub her earlobe and show her the smoke, proclaiming "WOAH! YOU'RE HOT!"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

has that ever worked?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

worked in what sense?
Producing smoke?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

worked in the sense that you slept with the girl you rubbed chemicals on.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Why would I want to do that?
What sort of desperate cunt goes to bars to find women to sleep with?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

It's more common than you'd think.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

This would certainly explain the increase in ugly people in and around Britain

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

I am placing a £5 bet on
"no"
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

That's pretty cool.
But if someone did the ear thing to me, I'd run a mile.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Helllllllooooooooooooo
typically I can drink a longneck faster than anyone
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

Well done at having a throat as wide and loose as your vagina

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

Faster than someone with a straw?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

Hello sweetcakes.
What's a longneck? Some kind of Turkey?
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

Today I've had 6 cups of tea and 5 satsumas.
So I guess my party piece is chain eating satsumas and chain drinking tea.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 16:46, archived)

Tea!
Now that's a good idea.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:48, archived)

I'm in the kitchen doing my work on the kitchen table.
I just made two of my housemates a cup of tea. they think I'm being nice, but actually I just wanted to remove the need for them to enter my revision zone.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

win-win situation

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

hello again
how's things?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

Hello spangles.
Things are ok. How's you my sweets?
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

damn good, thanks
:)
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

I can recite all the soliloquys from Hamlet
and do all the important heroic bits from Henry V
( WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Hamlet Rambo
Henry Police Academy
( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

I *heart* you Double R

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

I can do all of Withnail and I

( WormuIus, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:09, archived)

I do a brilliant Joe Pasquale impression
and an equally impressive Heather Small impression
and I know all the words to Doop
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

This would impress ,me.

( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

I can do scarily good impressions (e.g. Cilla Black),
and if I'm thirsty enough, can chug down pints in record time.

And I can effortlessly wind up arrogant, stuck-up twats whose faces look like they had a serious argument with a door in their youth and think they're the next Aphex Twin just because they excrete wacky, broken-sounding music.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

I wish I could do impressions,
Wynoh is good at them too.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:07, archived)

If somebody annoying is talking to me and I want them to bugger off, I do a spectacularly creepy Donald Pleasance.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:09, archived)

I can do a fantastic impression of the holocaust

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

But you never get the smell quite right.
But still, 4/5 would hire this holocaust impersonator for another Bar Mitzvah.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

CHECK OUT MY CARD TRICK!
www.gilgamesh.zen.co.uk/video/0001.wmv

form an orderly queue to have sex with me
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:12, archived)

I'm impressed, but it's notsex good,
more ofa half hearted BJ good.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

OH YEAH WELL FUCK YOU THEN, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 17:25, archived)

Has nobody done this then?
in mouth up clunge
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 22 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

I can
vibrate my eyes like Johnny 5.

It's gotten me WAY more action than he ever got, mind.
(Sparkytus is obviously not a golfer, Fri 22 May 2009, 20:34, archived)