Ye Olde Pube
Well I will keep the specifics hidden; events transpired at a pub called 'la couronne' in a Middle b(o)rough of good ol' blighty.

1. Bouncers apprehend a friend from the dancefloor. Some time passes before I realise he is missing, I go to the front of the pub, he is being searched. I find it hilarious, put my arms against the wall, spread my legs, and say 'search me too!' Neither of us had any illicit substances, we never do, we willingly submitted to the search, and then were kicked out.

2. Attempt to enter the pub the following week. Bouncers deny me entry on sight for being 'too drunk.' I discuss the issue with the younger, most ignorant bouncer, and he struggles to the point where the older bouncer is actually laughing with me. Unfortunately I made a comment about the young bouncer being a bit thick and the older bouncer took it as a slur against his profession. They each grabbed one of my arms and carried me out. I was pissed off and made a bit of a scene, but since the person 'stopping' me from going off it was a friend's girlfriend, a tiny woman who didn't even touch me to 'hold me back,' I think it was obvious I was pissed off but restrained enough not to start a fight.

3. Attempt to enter the pub the following week. Different bouncer tells me I'm barred. Bouncers from the previous week come out, older bouncer tells me I'm barred for life for calling the younger bouncer an idiot. We have a brief, polite discussion where I make it clear I'm in the right and he and his colleague were in the wrong, then I leave amiably. Older bouncer visibly pissed off.

4. Attempt re-entry a month or so later. older bouncer is on the door. He lets me pay entry and go in. he even IDs my friend but not me. We sit at a table enjoying a pint. The rest of our friends arrive, there was six or eight of us sitting around the table enjoying a drink. i was halfway through my second pint. Original two bouncers approach; younger, ignorant one tells me to 'step outside, now!' I ask why, he says he'll tell me when i step outside. I say I'd rather know before I move. He tells me to step outside or he'll drag me out. I ask if I can at least finish my pint. He says no. I have nothing left to say, so I just look at him. he tells me not to try and stare him out, I denied I was doing so and apologised for appearing to do so. Then he grabs me and drags me out.

4 (cont.) Since I was with friends, some of whom knew the managers, I had some support, and waited outside while two people on two separate occasions discussed matters with the managers. Apparently I am barred for life for failing to submit to a narcotics search.

Additional: While outside the pub, younger bouncer tells me I am barred 'for being an idiot.' He then tells the other bouncers (Four others had congregated during my extradition) to step away, leans into my face and says, 'get away from the pub or I will break your legs.' Which I repeated in an amused manner. Which he then immediately denied. he also laid claim to the entire area outside the pub including the traffic lights and the 'blind bumps' next to them, as if he could bar me from the pavement.

Resolution: Since I am pretty certain being 'barred for life' is actually time-limited I plan to go again once the bar has expired, explain to them that I am no longer barred by law, and offer them options:

-Let me in
-Get the manager
-Get the police

If they do none of these I will ring the police myself, not to pursue any legal avenue, simply to ensure I have proven my point and to stop being pushed around by ignorant fuckheads.

The second they agree that I am allowed in, I will leave and never return, except to walk past on any nights where I have the opportunity for a convenient detour and smile and the bastards.
(Krunk Hey hey, ho ho, 1100110, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)

we stopped caring 20 minutes ago you shitcunt

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)

You fucking prick.
I hope you get a good kicking.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 10:13, archived)

Fuck off you tedious cunt.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)

Actually, can I change my answer to a suggestion that you bring a friend with a camcorder when you try to enforce you right to be let back in?

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 4 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)

So your pride is a bit hurt, huh
It's a bar. A shitty bar by the sounds of it. Why do you care if you get back in? Is the principle that important? Go somewhere you can enjoy people's company and get on with your life.
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 10:15, archived)

You don't have an intrinsic right to go into any pub.
Just find a new one.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 10:15, archived)

I hope they drag you down an alleyway, kick the shit out of you then bum you til your bowels prolapse

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)

dude
if a pub has bouncers, there's something wrong with it. find somewhere better
( spacefish bong!, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 10:30, archived)

clue:
Middlesborough.
Any pub I've been in with bouncers has been in a bit of a rough area. This might not be the case here, but that's my experience of it.
Also: be polite to the nice men in suits. They can be a lot less restrained than the police if you seriously wind them up, and they generally have the 'no pints' advantage over drunken idiots. The fact that you're not drinking through a straw would indicate they were on cctv or that you didn't upset them enough to warrant being pulped. Don't guarantee that'll always be the case. The bouncers get to see where is and isn't covered by the cctv, and generally know which alleyway round the corner is safe to hit people in. They also (on the whole, though there are exceptions) get on with the police as a matter of the profession. Calling the police on a bouncer will get multiple bouncers stating that you started on their co-worker after having a few too many drinks, the police will quite probably agree with them if you have had anything to drink at all (unless there's some good cctv footage showing you doing *absolutely nothing*), and you then get your own special places on the government's DNA and fingerprint databases. Well done.
If you really really really insist on going back to that pub, Krunk, my best advice is to go straight to the bouncers without attempting to enter the premises, and request to meet the duty manager outside the door. Explain any issues you have with the duty manager, who has the legal right to deny you entry to the establishment for as long as he/she feels fit. He/she will listen to all you have to say, then turn to the bouncers and ask if you've been a twat. When the bouncers say yes, quite a few times, you'll then get the full lifetime ban, and possibly your photo inside the door on the "remove on sight, forcibly" list. That will then be an end of it. If the pub can afford multiple boucers, it's got a fairly large client-base. The manager will happily lose one of those clients to keep the bouncers on his side, even if you are in the right (though really, you're coming across as something of a muppet here - no offence intended to any nylon-fur clad brightly coloured types with mens hands up their backsides).
( evilstevie misses the Orange Place of late, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:09, archived)