You drop spunk into your eyes with a pipette every morning

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:08, archived)

You have to bake your broom like fimo for any chance of a stiffy.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:10, archived)

You've got a fanny like a folded up net curtain in a heavy smoker's house

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:14, archived)

Your balls are like two gnarled and tiny raisins swimming in the malformed porridge that are your legs.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:17, archived)

You need scaffolding and pulleys to prise apart your powerfully stumpy peg legs
then when they finally do spring apart the ghosts of Victoria explorers come out and vomit fish fog into your mouth and you drink it like a starved chick.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:21, archived)

Your eyes look like your face has double wrinkly bumholes and your eyelashes are oily pubes.
If you want to see anything you have to get Kersal to finger your face until you're gaping enough peer out from your shit tinted spectacles.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:26, archived)

Your eyes looks like they were thumbed in by an angry sailor
you look like you live on a diet of golf balls.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:29, archived)

You've got such crippling undiagnosed aspergers that you've employed James Carter to be your life coach and joke writer.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:33, archived)

You look like a Down's Parrot with a painted clingfilm disguised wrapped around it

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:36, archived)

You look like someone has stuck a poodle onto the bell end of a needle dick .

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:42, archived)

good fight
*handshakes*
*your breasts wobble lots*
*minor victory*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:48, archived)

Good game, good game.
*hugs*
*does that funny manly back hitting thing that men do*
*sees your head wobble lots due to the weight of your massive dobber and my manly back slaps*
*ultimate victory*
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:57, archived)

p.s.s that one made me laugh and feel sick at the same time
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:29, archived)

Just be careful that when you're sick you don't vom up Kersal's cuntage cheese over your sticky keyboard.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:36, archived)

I'll suck it all out and vom it into an ice cream tub and freeze it, then scoop it back out when I'm watching a movie to snack on

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:41, archived)

If you used a pipette to drop anything on your eye
your weedy retina would shriek in a high-pitched girlish voice before corroding like a wafer in acid.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:10, archived)

I can't do a double cuss match, i'll focus on TFD for now beeotch

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:12, archived)