Attention: Beneficiary,

 

I am the Deputy Director, Federal Bureau of Investigation David Bowdich. We intercepted and seized a sealed envelope at the John F Kennedy International Airport, New York, NY 11430 coming from a foreign country. We scanned the content of the sealed envelope and found it contained a total sum of 4.1 million dollars value certified payment bond. Also, the sealed envelope had documents with your name on them as the receiver of the package. We question the diplomat that accompanied the sealed envelope into the United States, and we learned that he was to deliver this sealed envelope to your residence as payment of an inheritance / winning prize payment due and owed to you. 

 

The envelope paperwork lacks the PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE AND LEGAL DELIVERY PERMIT CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE form. We confiscated the envelope and released the Diplomat. The sealed envelope according to section 229 subsection 31 of the International Commerce Regulators Code Enforcement Guidelines, lacks PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE AND LEGAL DELIVERY PERMIT CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE and since the content is valued financial material of such amount, from the joint team of the Federal Bureau Of Investigation and Homeland Security, you're to reply for direction on how to procure the envelope so you will be relieved of the charges of tax evasion which is a jail-able offense under section 12 subsection 441 of the tax code. We will also be asking the IRS to launch an investigation on money laundering if you do not follow our instructions. 

 

You are required to reply within 72 hours at that point I will walk you through the process of clearing and claiming the money. Failure to comply may lead to your arrest, interrogation and,/or you being prosecuted in the Court of Law for tax evasion and/or money laundering. You are also advised not to contact any bank in Africa, Europe or banking institutions for security reasons.

 

Yours in service,

 

David Bowdich

Deputy Director

Federal Bureau of Investigation.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 10 Jan 2021, 22:40, archived)

i'm being sent a new ssd after the original one went awol

(Literally Hitler stop playing with my jewlirium, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 22:45, archived)

the only other person who cares about your ssd is Peter Noone

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 10 Jan 2021, 22:49, archived)

he probably stole it

(Literally Hitler stop playing with my jewlirium, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 22:50, archived)

I am currently ignoring him

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 23:09, archived)

Ignore 4.0; ignore your imagined enemies

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 4:27, archived)

Not David Bowdich?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 0:03, archived)

I was going to say that nobody has the time to read all that shit
But I'm bored out of my swede and a bit drunk
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 23:09, archived)

Fake news

(dribble, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 23:20, archived)

tl;dr

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 10 Jan 2021, 23:21, archived)