Next up: Ai chatbot care navigators for a leaner, more efficient NHS.
Probably it'll go like the last time I tried to ring my bank, where a computer asked me to state my query three times and then just cut the call. Not allowing anyone else on will certainly get those hospital waiting lists down!
( Turtle Power & Knuckles, Fri 19 May 2023, 7:41, archived)

Haha, you got that right! Blimmin Tories!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 7:51, archived)

I'm sorry, I couldn't understand your answer. But it sounds like you want us to mail you a tiny quantity of Polonium-210 to put you out of our misery.
If this is correct, say Yes. If this is not correct, say Yes. To speak to a human operator, call back between 3am and 3:05am.
Note that our lines can be very busy at those times, so you may want to hang up and try later in the day.
Inpatient Prevention is an unexpectedly popular service right now, so your parcel may take two to three weeks to arrive.
Thank you for using e-NHS Final Solutions.
( Turtle Power & Knuckles, Fri 19 May 2023, 8:05, archived)

You can cancel this parcel at any time in the next 24 hours using the eNHSFS App. Download it now from the App Store!
Note that this requires iOS 16.5.
Don't have a smartphone? FUCK YOU.
( Turtle Power & Knuckles, Fri 19 May 2023, 8:50, archived)

yes

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 10:26, archived)

I don't know whether "put you out of our misery" was intentional or a typo, but it's great nonetheless.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 19 May 2023, 11:58, archived)

When I started typing all this shit it said "everyone's" but I thought this way was more subtle, cheers.

( Turtle Power & Knuckles, Fri 19 May 2023, 12:14, archived)