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Ooh ah willy willy smegma willy willy smegma we love you
Not really, morning
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 6:52, archived)
Fuck you, Swank. Fu oh morning Queefy.

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 19 May 2023, 7:17, archived)
hi m8
Just bought the '007 Licenced to Ska' 7" box set and have been chatting on WhatsApp with my mate about billy comedowns. Busy busy
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 7:49, archived)
Morning queef, funnily enough I had the same tune in my head last night but with the lyrics 'shitty wiffy guff bang'

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 19 May 2023, 7:26, archived)
Bottoms

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 19 May 2023, 7:31, archived)
Great minds m8

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 7:50, archived)
Next up: Ai chatbot care navigators for a leaner, more efficient NHS.
Probably it'll go like the last time I tried to ring my bank, where a computer asked me to state my query three times and then just cut the call. Not allowing anyone else on will certainly get those hospital waiting lists down!
(I helped save b3ta! Turtle Power & Knuckles, Fri 19 May 2023, 7:41, archived)
Haha, you got that right! Blimmin Tories!

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 7:51, archived)
I'm sorry, I couldn't understand your answer. But it sounds like you want us to mail you a tiny quantity of Polonium-210 to put you out of our misery.
If this is correct, say Yes. If this is not correct, say Yes. To speak to a human operator, call back between 3am and 3:05am.
Note that our lines can be very busy at those times, so you may want to hang up and try later in the day.
Inpatient Prevention is an unexpectedly popular service right now, so your parcel may take two to three weeks to arrive.
Thank you for using e-NHS Final Solutions.
(I helped save b3ta! Turtle Power & Knuckles, Fri 19 May 2023, 8:05, archived)
You can cancel this parcel at any time in the next 24 hours using the eNHSFS App. Download it now from the App Store!
Note that this requires iOS 16.5.
Don't have a smartphone? FUCK YOU.
(I helped save b3ta! Turtle Power & Knuckles, Fri 19 May 2023, 8:50, archived)
yes

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 10:26, archived)
I don't know whether "put you out of our misery" was intentional or a typo, but it's great nonetheless.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 19 May 2023, 11:58, archived)
When I started typing all this shit it said "everyone's" but I thought this way was more subtle, cheers.

(I helped save b3ta! Turtle Power & Knuckles, Fri 19 May 2023, 12:14, archived)
morning smeg

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Fri 19 May 2023, 8:16, archived)
guntcheese

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 10:26, archived)
Well ring my bell and call me a telephone
it's Friday and a half!
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 19 May 2023, 8:17, archived)
w+

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 10:26, archived)
morning
One of our support workers was caught drinking a bottle of water in a clean room. I've been given the delightful role of investigating officer in the misconduct process.

My ex-colleague's partner previously described this lady as having a "pus [face] like a melted welly", and I fear that's the only phrase I'll be able to think of when I interview her.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 19 May 2023, 8:20, archived)
#ajumbogenital

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Fri 19 May 2023, 8:46, archived)
#thirsty

(I helped save b3ta! Turtle Power & Knuckles, Fri 19 May 2023, 8:51, archived)

face flange
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 10:27, archived)
it is weekend-o'clock here, Rich-o

(I helped save b3ta! Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 19 May 2023, 8:34, archived)
YES bruv

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 10:27, archived)
morning

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Fri 19 May 2023, 8:53, archived)
not you

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 10:46, archived)
Morning
The mental has lost her gas card. She's phoned me 5 times in the last hour to tell me this and ask if she can use mine. Every time, I have to tell her that we're not with the same company for gas and my card won't work in her meter. Estimating 10 minutes before she calls again.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 19 May 2023, 9:25, archived)
christ
my mother in law apparently now thinks everyone is trying to poison her, is refusing to go into the home they found for her which will inevitably result in her being sectioned and put somewhere horrible
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 10:47, archived)
Oof, that's shitty. :(

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 19 May 2023, 11:00, archived)
yeah it's awful
wife is going to have to fly out in the next couple of weeks, at vast expense, to see someone who might not even recognise her
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 19 May 2023, 11:02, archived)
She's getting increasingly hostile
The police are fed up with her complaining about neighbours, the family has pretty much washed their hands of her and she's very close to being arrested and/or sectioned
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 19 May 2023, 11:09, archived)