My morning news feed is just Phillip Schofield over and over again.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 31 May 2023, 8:09, archived)

He throws orphans off roofs
And sticks pins into kittens
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 31 May 2023, 8:14, archived)

But the government could face criminal charges

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 May 2023, 8:25, archived)

Schofield is Illuminati
And transforms into a lizard on the full moon
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Wed 31 May 2023, 8:30, archived)

Not even in my top ten

( Turtle Power & Knuckles, Wed 31 May 2023, 8:43, archived)

What a bummer

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Wed 31 May 2023, 9:09, archived)