b3ta.com user Dick Wonder
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Profile for Dick Wonder:
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"All art is fucking useless. And that's the beauty of it" - John Cooper Clarke

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Recent front page messages:

(Wed 11th Oct 2023, 19:45, More)

Someone forgot to take out the bin

(Mon 2nd Oct 2023, 12:57, More)

(Mon 11th Sep 2023, 13:27, More)

(Thu 31st Aug 2023, 19:53, More)

The can said spinach I tells ya!

Mindpiss, was just finishing this
(Thu 31st Aug 2023, 12:08, More)

Oh no

(Sat 12th Aug 2023, 22:20, More)

Late night special

(Fri 4th Aug 2023, 23:09, More)

(Fri 7th Jul 2023, 11:24, More)

Monkey business

(Mon 5th Jun 2023, 0:33, More)

(Wed 10th May 2023, 22:16, More)

Just in time, compo it

(Tue 2nd May 2023, 19:14, More)

I don't believe it!

(Mon 27th Mar 2023, 20:07, More)

Friday morning

(Fri 10th Mar 2023, 8:33, More)

It's the modern way

(Sat 25th Feb 2023, 19:38, More)

(Mon 20th Feb 2023, 13:23, More)

You'll have to take the stairs down

(Tue 10th Jan 2023, 11:23, More)

Not so funny

(Sat 12th Nov 2022, 22:08, More)

(Thu 6th Oct 2022, 16:58, More)

hair we go again

(Thu 22nd Sep 2022, 20:05, More)

She's going out with a bang!
Click for bigger (190 kb)
(Tue 31st May 2022, 23:58, More)

Thanks Pedro

(Wed 23rd Mar 2022, 23:31, More)

Click for bigger (162 kb)
(Mon 21st Mar 2022, 23:47, More)

Click for bigger (187 kb)
(Sat 15th Jan 2022, 23:00, More)

(Sun 31st Oct 2021, 20:33, More)

(Thu 28th Oct 2021, 22:37, More)

When Nirvana Came to Britain

(Fri 24th Sep 2021, 12:37, More)

Hello Hello Hello

(Sun 19th Sep 2021, 12:32, More)

Twizzling your turkey
Click for (slightly) bigger

(Sat 26th Jun 2021, 18:47, More)

(Sat 24th Apr 2021, 23:13, More)

More like

(Thu 8th Apr 2021, 14:42, More)

Prank call

(Sat 20th Mar 2021, 10:30, More)

Justified Ancients of Noo Noo

(Thu 4th Mar 2021, 20:30, More)

Last one

(Sat 25th Aug 2018, 22:37, More)

(Tue 21st Aug 2018, 12:38, More)

(Sat 18th Aug 2018, 21:17, More)

Just leaving this here, thank you

(Thu 16th Aug 2018, 16:16, More)

Alright b3ta?
Just passing by with this old pearoast
Thanks Octo

(Tue 17th Jul 2018, 22:19, More)

vote for the least weird one
more TOAP

(Mon 30th Mar 2015, 10:48, More)

Flash git

(Sun 2nd Jun 2013, 12:16, More)

what really happened

(Thu 9th May 2013, 21:53, More)

mysterious pussy riot member still missing

(Fri 17th Aug 2012, 23:31, More)

Not Aled Jones

Click for bigger (58 kb)

(Thu 22nd Sep 2011, 15:38, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Corporate Idiocy

Mail Order wine for everyone
Mail order wine company intent on sending their catalogue to every address in the country. This frequently led to hysterical, angry, abusive people phoning the call centre demanding to be removed from the mailing list.

Those who took the time to write in were far more polite. My favourites:

A long letter on notepaper in old granny cursive with extensive details on the elderberry and blackberry home-made wine she was making at 16p a bottle and therefore had no need to buy any wine.

The I-think-you-want-my-Dad letter from an eight year old who bemoaned the fact he only got 50p a week pocket money and proudly added he was too young to drink alcohol.

The scary, child-like scrawl from an inmate of HMP Wakefield who was very grateful at being offered the promotion but regretfully informed us that wine was not allowed in prison and even if it was the governor was a right stingy git who wouldn't buy any anyway.
(Tue 28th Feb 2012, 16:00, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

I went to use my drill and a juggling robot suddenly appeared to help me
It threw me a bit
(Thu 30th Mar 2023, 21:48, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Which Tory politician pollutes the air every time he takes a piss?
Jacob wees smog
(Wed 30th Nov 2022, 13:24, More)

» B3TA fixes the world

Traffic Warden & Troop switch
All the troops in Afghanistan need to come home and become traffic wardens. They would be much nicer to motorists because they are sane, reasonable people. Also who would argue with them ?

Send all the traffic wardens out to fight the Taliban. Job done.
(Thu 22nd Sep 2011, 18:28, More)