b3ta.com user Dick Wonder
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Profile for Dick Wonder:
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"All art is fucking useless. And that's the beauty of it" - John Cooper Clarke

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Recent front page messages:

When Nirvana Came to Britain

(Fri 24th Sep 2021, 12:37, More)

Hello Hello Hello

(Sun 19th Sep 2021, 12:32, More)

Twizzling your turkey
Click for (slightly) bigger

(Sat 26th Jun 2021, 18:47, More)

(Sat 24th Apr 2021, 23:13, More)

More like

(Thu 8th Apr 2021, 14:42, More)

Prank call

(Sat 20th Mar 2021, 10:30, More)

Justified Ancients of Noo Noo

(Thu 4th Mar 2021, 20:30, More)

Last one

(Sat 25th Aug 2018, 22:37, More)

(Tue 21st Aug 2018, 12:38, More)

(Sat 18th Aug 2018, 21:17, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Corporate Idiocy

Mail Order wine for everyone
Mail order wine company intent on sending their catalogue to every address in the country. This frequently led to hysterical, angry, abusive people phoning the call centre demanding to be removed from the mailing list.

Those who took the time to write in were far more polite. My favourites:

A long letter on notepaper in old granny cursive with extensive details on the elderberry and blackberry home-made wine she was making at 16p a bottle and therefore had no need to buy any wine.

The I-think-you-want-my-Dad letter from an eight year old who bemoaned the fact he only got 50p a week pocket money and proudly added he was too young to drink alcohol.

The scary, child-like scrawl from an inmate of HMP Wakefield who was very grateful at being offered the promotion but regretfully informed us that wine was not allowed in prison and even if it was the governor was a right stingy git who wouldn't buy any anyway.
(Tue 28th Feb 2012, 16:00, More)

» B3TA fixes the world

Traffic Warden & Troop switch
All the troops in Afghanistan need to come home and become traffic wardens. They would be much nicer to motorists because they are sane, reasonable people. Also who would argue with them ?

Send all the traffic wardens out to fight the Taliban. Job done.
(Thu 22nd Sep 2011, 18:28, More)