Or you could attach an explosive device to the back of the head

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 11 Jul 2023, 12:20, archived)

If I'm that close, I'm going to do that thing where you rub your knuckles roughly back and forth on the top of someone's head

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 11 Jul 2023, 13:54, archived)

Then I'm going to pull them in for a reluctant hug and go "shh shhh shhh" while they struggle to get away.
Weirdly border-line abusive in a way but at least I didn't launch their fucking brains through the air
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 11 Jul 2023, 13:58, archived)