....

(Fri 29th Sep 2006, 11:28, More)

Shark fishing......

(Wed 2nd Aug 2006, 13:47, More)

YUM !

(Fri 14th Jul 2006, 12:17, More)

Much improved...

(Sun 25th Jun 2006, 15:14, More)

(Wed 24th May 2006, 14:29, More)

(Wed 15th Mar 2006, 17:21, More)

cha cha cha

(Wed 15th Mar 2006, 14:05, More)

beware attachments

(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 14:07, More)

How Americans see the world...


did they change the title to the challenge ?
(Mon 27th Feb 2006, 13:22, More)

(Wed 25th Jan 2006, 15:33, More)

(Mon 23rd Jan 2006, 12:32, More)

(Fri 20th Jan 2006, 14:08, More)

(Wed 18th Jan 2006, 14:34, More)

my mind has gone bye-bye

(Tue 22nd Nov 2005, 15:55, More)

yoinks

(Wed 9th Nov 2005, 22:09, More)

(Tue 4th Oct 2005, 15:25, More)

OK, so the line is "Ba ding ding ding ding"

(Wed 1st Jun 2005, 14:52, More)

Use the for, for, foring ding ding a ding dinga ding ding force....

(Wed 18th May 2005, 11:45, More)

There's always one thought Janice

(Fri 15th Apr 2005, 12:02, More)

Um...



Pick a Sport picture caption
1 - Dave takes a photo of his arse
2 - Hold that last pose Dave,you look great!
3 - Newspaper of lies,photobooth of TRUTH!!
(Fri 18th Mar 2005, 11:46, More)

As holidays went he’d had better…

(Thu 10th Mar 2005, 12:17, More)

Meanwhile, on a farm just outside Stockholm...

(Wed 9th Mar 2005, 14:02, More)

For her pleasure....

(Fri 4th Mar 2005, 11:52, More)

He loves to win...

(Fri 23rd Jul 2004, 14:29, More)

How muppets reproduce

(Wed 21st Jul 2004, 10:18, More)

Free NHS eye tests for all farmers

(Fri 21st May 2004, 15:14, More)

Jus' like that....

(Mon 19th Apr 2004, 13:15, More)

Smile

(Wed 7th Apr 2004, 15:06, More)

You're going to like this my precious...

(Mon 5th Apr 2004, 13:04, More)

(Thu 26th Feb 2004, 12:41, More)

The new Polariod Zombiematic was a big hit

(Thu 19th Feb 2004, 11:22, More)

I need to move my Nintendo...


I think it's too near the garden window
(Thu 12th Feb 2004, 12:42, More)

Never say who's there? Don't you watch scary movies?


It's Drew Bearrymore - I am so sorry
(Wed 11th Feb 2004, 13:12, More)

Graduation day on the Savannah..


His parents must be so proud
(Wed 11th Feb 2004, 11:47, More)

We can see you....

(Fri 30th Jan 2004, 11:49, More)

His new airbag made the job bearable..

(Fri 23rd Jan 2004, 12:47, More)

It's the sequel..

(Wed 21st Jan 2004, 11:14, More)

God shave the Queen !

(Tue 13th Jan 2004, 10:27, More)

Hmmmn......

(Mon 1st Dec 2003, 14:03, More)

Barrington hoped he'd dressed correctly for dinner

(Tue 25th Nov 2003, 10:26, More)

(Mon 3rd Nov 2003, 16:00, More)

Morning...

(Thu 16th Oct 2003, 10:40, More)

Tupatrick Moore


And one from Sunday evening here
(Mon 29th Sep 2003, 10:40, More)

The Good, The Bad and the I'm Free..

(Wed 17th Sep 2003, 16:20, More)

Morning all..


Fozzie Osbourne - was better in my head last night...
(Tue 9th Sep 2003, 9:27, More)

yellow, red, twist right..... Bugger.

(Mon 8th Sep 2003, 16:18, More)

Egads ! A man from space you say..

(Wed 3rd Sep 2003, 12:08, More)

It's hard to get a 147 break in Klan Snooker...


They only make it hard for themselves, those foolish, foolish bigots
(Tue 26th Aug 2003, 12:16, More)

Steve was like, 'so' stuck in the 80's....

(Tue 12th Aug 2003, 10:15, More)

NOW he looks like a Californian....

(Mon 11th Aug 2003, 10:36, More)

Oddie Poppin'

(Thu 7th Aug 2003, 12:53, More)

Can you tell the difference ?

(Wed 6th Aug 2003, 15:33, More)

Real Madrid's worries confirmed.


He's a prima donna alright !
(Mon 28th Jul 2003, 14:41, More)

He's quite mad y'know...

(Wed 16th Jul 2003, 14:30, More)

May 1953 the first successful assent of Mr. Whippy

(Tue 15th Jul 2003, 17:20, More)

HULK MINCE !


Oh, that explains why it's set in San Francisco....
(Mon 14th Jul 2003, 18:09, More)

I'm sorry..

(Wed 9th Jul 2003, 12:42, More)

Look out.. He's been watching Gremlins again...

(Wed 9th Jul 2003, 12:18, More)

Look out kids ! He's gone feral...

(Tue 8th Jul 2003, 10:56, More)

Well helloooo, I was just taking a bath..


Care to join me ?
(Fri 4th Jul 2003, 9:49, More)

Who would have ever thought they're not colourfast ?

(Thu 3rd Jul 2003, 16:33, More)

He hates it when I do this....

(Thu 3rd Jul 2003, 13:36, More)

His career as a movie baddie was cut short by the arrival of the 'talkies'

(Wed 2nd Jul 2003, 12:36, More)

Star Wars cash cutbacks continue...

(Fri 27th Jun 2003, 10:12, More)

CGI budget for new Star Wars film slashed !

(Thu 26th Jun 2003, 17:13, More)

IN - MAN and the Masters of the Universe..


"By the power of Greyskull, I'm free"
Sorry - I will stop with Inman now
(Wed 18th Jun 2003, 13:48, More)

And I'm still free Mr. President...

(Wed 18th Jun 2003, 11:39, More)

"I'm Free"

(Tue 17th Jun 2003, 14:12, More)

The ref's decision was final - It was a fowl.

(Mon 16th Jun 2003, 11:46, More)

Touch him once and you'll know it's true...

(Mon 2nd Jun 2003, 14:43, More)

And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all...


The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before
(Mon 26th May 2003, 12:39, More)

and...

(Wed 21st May 2003, 17:04, More)

Put your head between your legs and..

(Fri 16th May 2003, 13:23, More)

It's illogical Captain but I go totally spazz for ice cream !

(Fri 9th May 2003, 13:04, More)

Scotty loved playing tricks on him...


One to beam up
(Fri 9th May 2003, 10:36, More)

It loves grass... Shame it hasn't got any knees.

(Wed 7th May 2003, 17:15, More)

The first draft lacked that Gothic 'menace'

(Mon 5th May 2003, 15:06, More)

She never did like that dog..

(Tue 29th Apr 2003, 12:31, More)

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you - THE FRYING NUN !


sorry, I'll get my coat
(Sun 27th Apr 2003, 15:51, More)

Well, I guess that finally answers that question !


For Femke
(Wed 16th Apr 2003, 13:18, More)

Something tastes funny...

(Mon 7th Apr 2003, 13:47, More)

He's a cheeky bugger !

(Sun 6th Apr 2003, 19:17, More)

Now on BBC 3

(Sun 6th Apr 2003, 15:26, More)

Gotcha !


I knew they were up to something..
(Wed 26th Mar 2003, 17:10, More)

The rare stamp collecting Loris..


Wasn't going to let anyone steal his prize.
(Tue 11th Mar 2003, 17:42, More)

Had to do one eventually..

(Mon 10th Mar 2003, 16:37, More)

And lo, they knew the end was near. For the Lord smite them with a plague of really fucking ugly locusts..

(Sat 8th Mar 2003, 19:30, More)

Nice

(Mon 3rd Mar 2003, 13:31, More)

His days on the series were numbered..


after the Parisian incident.
(Fri 28th Feb 2003, 16:57, More)

.

(Thu 27th Feb 2003, 18:10, More)

.

(Thu 27th Feb 2003, 13:38, More)

RATMAN


Fighting crime and cheese.
(Tue 25th Feb 2003, 17:34, More)

.

(Fri 21st Feb 2003, 14:38, More)

Nature can be cruel

(Wed 19th Feb 2003, 18:46, More)

He's a noisy bugger

(Mon 10th Feb 2003, 18:39, More)

I can really feel it working..


..it's like doing 100 situps without all the effort.
(Mon 3rd Feb 2003, 15:32, More)

"You make woman for me"


Monster, monster, monster
(Thu 30th Jan 2003, 14:17, More)

Gerald had ideas above his station..

(Mon 27th Jan 2003, 17:03, More)

Awwww look, it's a likkle, wikkle puppy..

(Wed 22nd Jan 2003, 15:16, More)

Ada explained the benefits of the travelcard to Mavis

(Tue 21st Jan 2003, 13:50, More)

The turnout at the march was poor..


..but Lance and Troy were proud to celebrate their love.
(Thu 16th Jan 2003, 10:43, More)

Penguins just refuse to accept that variety is dead.

(Wed 15th Jan 2003, 16:29, More)

Christ ! No wonder he's a Puffin.


sorry
(Wed 15th Jan 2003, 14:48, More)

And I guess that's why they call it the blues..


Time on my hands could be time spent with you..
(Tue 14th Jan 2003, 14:57, More)

Clarence needed to work on his poker face..

(Fri 10th Jan 2003, 15:36, More)

You're my best fuggin' mate you are..


..I fuggin' love you man
(Thu 9th Jan 2003, 16:02, More)

Elvis’s Personal trainer was merciless.

Just one more, C’mon man, you can do it...
(Tue 7th Jan 2003, 11:52, More)

That’s right, that’s right, that’s right, that’s right I really love your tiger light


That’s neat, that’s neat, that’s neat, that’s neat, I really love your tiger feet !
(Thu 2nd Jan 2003, 12:03, More)

Phone ho, ho, ho, home..

(Tue 10th Dec 2002, 16:54, More)

Sorry I'm late but..


..I've got a bit of an upset stomach.
(Mon 9th Dec 2002, 15:30, More)

But I wanted a Mivvi

(Fri 6th Dec 2002, 15:55, More)

Bless her little cotton socks..


..she want's to be just like her Daddy
(Tue 12th Nov 2002, 13:05, More)

Hidden in the vaults at the Tate Modern

(Fri 1st Nov 2002, 15:40, More)

With the holidays coming up Dracula needed a new passport..


"Damn" he said "These are useless, I've got my eyes closed in all of them"

/coat
(Thu 31st Oct 2002, 15:30, More)

The Rorschach Ink Blot Test..


..often yielded unusual results.
(Mon 28th Oct 2002, 15:18, More)

When his publisher rejected him yet again..


Ian started to miss his old writing team..
(Mon 28th Oct 2002, 13:40, More)

After the accident Florence became a recluse..


and Brian ?, Well Brian just disappeared..
(Mon 28th Oct 2002, 9:52, More)

Tired of doing badly at school ?


Try a Swot Noodle, full of swotty spicy brained goodness !
(Thu 24th Oct 2002, 10:22, More)

Piano wire..


..made a poor substitute at the athletics meet.
(Wed 23rd Oct 2002, 15:06, More)

Dad ! Billy keeps growing faster than me..


Sorted, now will you shut up with your moaning ?
(Tue 22nd Oct 2002, 15:36, More)

Those babies in costumes are cute..


..but the senior citizen ones are just adorable.
(Thu 17th Oct 2002, 9:52, More)

In the world of bodybuilding..


Sven's calves were the stuff of legend.
(Wed 16th Oct 2002, 15:34, More)

Dave was an excellent..


..Gnuist

I'm sorry - Have you seen my coat ?
(Tue 15th Oct 2002, 12:13, More)

Ooops ! thought God,


I should look where I'm going, I nearly walked that all over my carpets...
(Sat 12th Oct 2002, 15:48, More)

If they keep teasing him like that..


..it'll end in tears.

My first go with that shark..

Somebody spudshop him eating the world, this meme has miles to run yet ;)
(Fri 11th Oct 2002, 15:02, More)

It was inevitable really...


...everybody knew that Mars was a sixer.

coat
(Fri 11th Oct 2002, 13:12, More)

Normally we say "Breast is best" Mrs Jenkins..


..but in your case....
(Thu 10th Oct 2002, 13:17, More)

House 'bumper' stickers...


..never really caught on.
(Fri 4th Oct 2002, 11:53, More)

The army is rife with so called 'office jokers'

(Thu 3rd Oct 2002, 14:09, More)

Ahhh.. Pigtails are so cute

(Thu 3rd Oct 2002, 13:17, More)

"I'd like a second opinion"

(Wed 2nd Oct 2002, 14:38, More)

Selling out to the man !


Golf Sale meme overused? - Perhaps, but this time I had to..

Will I need my coat ?
(Tue 1st Oct 2002, 9:43, More)

So... Evidently not that intelligent

(Mon 30th Sep 2002, 16:26, More)

Ouch..

(Fri 27th Sep 2002, 17:26, More)

"OK Miss Jenkins, is it better with, or without ?"

(Fri 27th Sep 2002, 10:33, More)

When Sesame street was cancelled


There was no option other than to release them back into the wild but somehow they just didn't seem to fit in
(Tue 3rd Sep 2002, 15:10, More)

Cross an Icelandic singer with a pig and you get...


PJORK !

Imagine the god awful noise it must make

I'll get me coat (again)
(Tue 3rd Sep 2002, 9:33, More)

I couldn't help it..


I'll get me coat
(Mon 2nd Sep 2002, 15:37, More)

He may have been a special needs child..


..but Tony and George were proud of their special little man..
click for larger

I'll get me coat
(Fri 30th Aug 2002, 13:58, More)

25 years dead...


But not quite dead enough...
(Fri 16th Aug 2002, 10:32, More)

The 8th wonder of the world is..


ST. ELMO'S FIRE

(I'll get my coat)
(Wed 31st Jul 2002, 12:20, More)

Eastenders merchandise


Is getting worse.
(Mon 22nd Jul 2002, 14:27, More)

Every executive drinks cabinet...


...should have one.
(Fri 28th Jun 2002, 14:12, More)

Someone had been tampering..


...With poor Mr Molerats puzzles.
(Thu 27th Jun 2002, 11:00, More)

The baby Eminem..


...and Lassie shared a special moment.
Aww, they are so cute.
(Tue 25th Jun 2002, 16:36, More)

Louise Woodward has recorded...


...a single in aid of Childline - Ain't that nice ?
(Tue 25th Jun 2002, 10:10, More)

Despite a taste for human flesh...


Jeffrey Dahmer loved to read to puppies..

Ahh, how sweet.
(Mon 24th Jun 2002, 12:12, More)

Golden Wonder


Mmmmnn - Tasty !
(Fri 31st May 2002, 14:37, More)

Now we know


So that's what he's doing now.
(Thu 18th Apr 2002, 10:15, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

OK,
When I was 19 I broke my leg rather badly in an accident with a motorbike and as a result I had to spend almost 6 months in hospital in traction.
It was a long hot summer and the nurse’s uniforms often caught the light in such a way that they became translucent and the sight of inner thigh and the occasional glimpse of stocking top often greeted my eye and drove my mind to thoughts of lust.

There was one rather fine blonde ward sister with whom I became besotted; she was very fit, firm, rounded and very, very sexy.
We got on well and she’d often talk to me and bring me an extra cup of tea or a nice biscuit, I fancied her like crazy and so one day I could contain myself no more.

To get the curtains pulled around my bed I buzzed said ward sister and asked for a bedpan she as usual obliged and we exchanged a few pleasantries. As she bent over the bed I had a clear view of her breasts and I was in the mood for tossing my caber more than I can explain, I’d not been on a solo flight for about 4 months, in fact I’d not been for an ‘evacuation’ for probably 5 or 6 and now was the time, I was going to go for it.

She drew the curtains, I relaxed and took myself in hand and began tugging away fervently like a madman… It didn’t take long till I felt myself reaching the point of final exit so I polished away with even more gusto when suddenly and without warning the nurse walked back in through the curtains with a cheery “Sorry, did I leave my stethoscope in here”.

She caught me in my full on cumface. I don’t know if it was the sight of her, the shock, or if it was just poor timing but as she stood there staring at me I exploded down below and covered myself from head to toe in my own sticky man goo.

“I’ll get a cloth” she said “Then you can clean yourself up”

She never brought the incident up again, but she also talked to me less and less and the teas and biscuits became fewer and farer between.

I was never more embarrassed.

Best wank of my life though.
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 8:18, More)

» Missing body parts

3 years ago I lost a testicle to cancer
which was a bit of a downer but better than death, but now I have loads and loads of extra skin in my ball bag, the one remaining testicle now hangs so low I have to wear tighty whitey underpants because wearing boxers gives it too much freedom to swing round and under my arse so I'm constantly sitting on it which frankly hurts.

There's so much skin because proir to the removal of the dodgy nut it was twice the size it should have been and as heavy as a lead weight.


I s'pose I should as for a tuck really..
(Fri 2nd Jun 2006, 11:42, More)

» What's the most horrific thing you've seen?

The day that Prince Charles married lady Diana
They had a large street party with various entertainers doing their bit and one of the climax acts was an escapologist.

His finale was to escape from a straight-jacket whilst hanging upside down from a burning rope 30 feet above The Guildhall Square Portsmouth.

Trevor Revell was his name, and he was the father of a girl I went to school with.

He was only 35.

This being 1981 crowd control consisted of a length of rope being handed to the people at the front (which included me and my best friend) and the police telling everyone to stand behind the rope, which they did.

He was strapped into a straight-jacket then hoisted 30 ft in the air on a burning rope before a crowd of 3,000 people celebrating the wedding. But the trick failed and the rope burnt through too quickly and he plunged head-first onto a concrete paving slab.

I was at the front.
I saw him hit the ground head first.
I heard his skull shatter; I heard his skull crack like a boiled egg being hit with a spoon.

I saw the puddle of blood and brain he left behind after they loaded his still twitching body onto a stretcher and into the ambulance which rushed him to QA hospital where he later died.

I thought at the time that this was the most horrific thing I’d ever seen until, as the crowd dispersed a group of rowdy skinheads who had been standing behind us pushed their way forwards and began jumping and dancing in the pool and blood and brain.

That was, and still is the most horrific thing I’ve ever seen.
(Mon 25th Jun 2007, 15:37, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

I watched Ghostwatch on the BBC when it was on live
whacked out of my gourd on super skunk and did a wee in my pants from fear.
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 13:24, More)

» Job Interviews

I had an interview at NIKE
in Holland, the train journey took me so long to get to the interview I didn;t really fancy the job so when the interviewer asked me "So, what do you know about NIKE ?" I answerd "Your shoes are made by 12 years old children in illegal sweatshoops in Asia"

Funny thing is the interview carried on and I got a full show around all the offices and complex - I didn't get the job though, they said I was 'over qualified'
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 12:30, More)