b3ta.com user Mr. Sheep
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Profile for Mr. Sheep:
Profile Info:

Hello. And welcome. My name is Steve Martin, but my parents are not to blame. I'm a tall bald Welshman, marooned on the little rock that is Guernsey.

I used to be creative moons ago. I haven't even a website these days.

But give we a Werthers and I'm yours.

Sheep facts:

1. I get excited by guttering.
2. My ideal woman would wear NOTHING but wellies
3. I am recently divorced
4. But I'm not a weirdo or anything, no, not me.
5. I will be 37 on 4th July 2007. Fuck, that feels old.

Recent front page messages:

Lo all

(Thu 16th Dec 2004, 9:48, More)

Morning, I say, morning!

(Tue 21st Sep 2004, 10:36, More)

Flea Humour

Edit: ta!
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 13:45, More)

In an alternate reality
Glastonbury Tor hunts sheep for sport.

(Mon 13th Sep 2004, 11:01, More)


Edit: blimey, what a nice response. And thanks for the FP.
(Wed 8th Sep 2004, 10:42, More)


(Tue 7th Sep 2004, 19:50, More)

Lo all

(Tue 24th Aug 2004, 14:24, More)


(Mon 9th Aug 2004, 12:07, More)


Edit: woo, thanks for kind responses and FP!
(Mon 9th Aug 2004, 10:40, More)

Morning all
...almost painful

Edit: thanks for lovely comments, and for FP.
(Tue 27th Jul 2004, 9:23, More)

Silly, I know

But he was in my head.
(Tue 20th Jul 2004, 10:51, More)

I really don't know why....

... but he lives in my garden and considers himself the height of amphibian cool.
(Wed 14th Jul 2004, 11:08, More)

Life in the Woods.

(Tue 13th Jul 2004, 12:48, More)

Ooh hello pretty lady...

... eep!
(Thu 8th Jul 2004, 13:52, More)


Orig pic is here

Edit: ooh, thanks for the FP! That's helped with the post-holiday blues.
(Wed 7th Jul 2004, 16:44, More)


(Tue 4th May 2004, 11:26, More)


That is all.

Edit: Ta for FP!
(Thu 22nd Apr 2004, 17:00, More)

F*** f*** f*** f*** need to diet

(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 11:35, More)


... do the Happy Otter Spaz Dance!!
(Mon 19th Apr 2004, 13:29, More)

Morning all
The compressor incident.

(Mon 19th Apr 2004, 10:54, More)


Edit: ta for FP
and kind words.
(Thu 11th Mar 2004, 11:19, More)

The Chicken Who Thought Too Much

(Tue 2nd Mar 2004, 13:34, More)

Spin, spin, spin like a bastard.

Edit: woo! thanks for fp.
(Mon 23rd Feb 2004, 13:25, More)

Morning all.....

...rude little buggers.
(Mon 23rd Feb 2004, 9:42, More)


(Tue 17th Feb 2004, 14:47, More)


(Mon 16th Feb 2004, 15:15, More)

Morning all...... and a message to all penguins.

...watch your back when hoovering.
(Mon 9th Feb 2004, 10:05, More)

Morning all
They really are very human, you know.

(Wed 28th Jan 2004, 10:40, More)


(Mon 26th Jan 2004, 11:35, More)

Time for a fat penguin.

(Mon 19th Jan 2004, 10:54, More)


(Thu 15th Jan 2004, 12:23, More)

Morning all

(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 11:21, More)

Denise was quite looking forward to her first date.

Unfortunately, Roger had plucked up a little too much Dutch courage.
(Tue 13th Jan 2004, 12:02, More)

Seems to me
A gently dancing kitty is called for. Here's one I rescued from ratemykitten.

(Tue 13th Jan 2004, 9:42, More)


(Wed 7th Jan 2004, 10:20, More)

Morning all

(Tue 6th Jan 2004, 10:36, More)

More penguin activities. A short film follows.

(Mon 5th Jan 2004, 13:14, More)

How do you wash cows?
With a cow-wash, of course.

(Wed 31st Dec 2003, 14:31, More)

Polar pr0n

(Mon 15th Dec 2003, 10:50, More)

Morning all.

Gaaaaaah must sleep more
(Thu 11th Dec 2003, 10:22, More)


I think there was some inspiration here from Ivor the Engine's innocent turkey: duly credited!
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 10:59, More)

Morning all: secret habits of penguins #1

(Mon 8th Dec 2003, 9:50, More)

Unwise ursile purchases

(Thu 4th Dec 2003, 12:47, More)

A small polar incident for you all

(Thu 4th Dec 2003, 10:14, More)

Morning all
Been a while since I shopped a dancing kitty. So there you go.

(Mon 1st Dec 2003, 10:07, More)

Morning all

(Wed 26th Nov 2003, 9:38, More)

Morning all

Edit: 100th FP woooooooo!
Thank you all you lovely, lovely people.
(Tue 25th Nov 2003, 9:08, More)


(Mon 17th Nov 2003, 16:46, More)

Afternoon all

(Mon 17th Nov 2003, 14:11, More)

When there's no one around to terrorise
They're evil to each other

(Tue 28th Oct 2003, 12:11, More)

Morning all

(Mon 27th Oct 2003, 10:10, More)


(Wed 15th Oct 2003, 10:34, More)

Penguin Humour

(Mon 13th Oct 2003, 11:12, More)


(Thu 9th Oct 2003, 13:42, More)

Morning all: bloody hand of God interfering again.

(Mon 6th Oct 2003, 9:47, More)

Evening all

(Sun 5th Oct 2003, 21:16, More)

Ummm. It just happened.

(Sat 4th Oct 2003, 23:39, More)

I is not fat! Just "heavily built"!

(Mon 29th Sep 2003, 12:14, More)

Just playing

(Mon 29th Sep 2003, 11:19, More)

Morning all
Just for once, I knew what I wanted to do when I started this.
This troubles me. But only a little. Have last night's project.

(Tue 16th Sep 2003, 9:38, More)

Last of my weekend's projects: watch out, I think he's going to be sick!

(Mon 15th Sep 2003, 16:16, More)

You're not from around here, are you boy?

(Mon 8th Sep 2003, 13:55, More)

Morning all

(Wed 3rd Sep 2003, 10:49, More)

Who Gives You Extra?

IMAGE REMOVED on request of Halifax.

Edit: yes, I know I am a bad man.
(Mon 1st Sep 2003, 9:51, More)

I think the evil bunnies had a hand in this one

(Wed 27th Aug 2003, 9:52, More)

Uncle Herbert #3

(Tue 19th Aug 2003, 12:18, More)

He's in here every lunchtime

.. I think he may have a problem
(Fri 15th Aug 2003, 11:12, More)

I know how he feels.

(Fri 15th Aug 2003, 9:59, More)

At this time of year, keep an eye on your little ones.

... because the sandbunnies are around, and EVIL.
(Tue 12th Aug 2003, 11:38, More)

For Mr. Mrawrr , dance was a way of life.

(Fri 8th Aug 2003, 10:24, More)

Morning all

(Mon 4th Aug 2003, 10:20, More)

New evidence suggests the Egyptians were even more advanced than previously thought.

(Thu 31st Jul 2003, 12:07, More)

Someone say kittens?

(Fri 25th Jul 2003, 10:24, More)

It's Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dexter's warming up for this evening already.
(Fri 18th Jul 2003, 9:06, More)

It just needed to be done

Well, the owls said it did. Morning all, by the way.
(Wed 16th Jul 2003, 9:45, More)

I sensed that Jane from Accounts
Was trying to get my attention

(Mon 14th Jul 2003, 14:42, More)

The baby was meant to be happy

... instead it came out demented. Ho hum.
(Fri 11th Jul 2003, 16:09, More)

Mum and Dad wouldn't allow her a "real" cat

.... but it didn't really matter.
(Thu 10th Jul 2003, 12:24, More)

Morning (again)

Edit: blimey, never expected that to FP! Thank you!
(Mon 30th Jun 2003, 10:27, More)


(Fri 27th Jun 2003, 10:34, More)

Spare change Monsieur?

(Mon 23rd Jun 2003, 11:46, More)

How walruses propagate

(Wed 18th Jun 2003, 12:25, More)

They're at it again...

(Wed 18th Jun 2003, 9:28, More)

No reason

It just.... happened.
(Fri 13th Jun 2003, 20:02, More)

V. sorry

(Tue 10th Jun 2003, 14:18, More)


(Tue 10th Jun 2003, 11:42, More)

Morning all

And the dancing fridges say so too.
(Tue 10th Jun 2003, 8:59, More)

Evening all. Thought I'd share this evening's work. It features a mad bunny.

(Mon 9th Jun 2003, 23:20, More)

A further warning

Edit: FP! Thank you.
(Mon 9th Jun 2003, 10:44, More)

Busy, busy, busy little person

(Mon 2nd Jun 2003, 9:59, More)

Tonight Kat, I will be.....

Bez from Happy Mondays!

Better in my head, etc...
(Thu 29th May 2003, 14:57, More)

Cows and stairs

Seldom a good idea
(Thu 29th May 2003, 11:05, More)

A further warning

(Thu 22nd May 2003, 11:53, More)

Few people know

.... that da Vinci's first subject was Mona Lisa's slightly backward sister, Gladys
(Tue 20th May 2003, 15:46, More)


(Tue 20th May 2003, 9:26, More)

Meanwhile, in a parallel universe....
... William Blake is visited by the Cheeky Girls.

(Mon 19th May 2003, 12:30, More)

This probably means I need to change my medication.

Edit: thank you all! My 50th front page!
(Mon 19th May 2003, 9:44, More)

Morning all

(and the reason for the strap-on fin is lost in a haze of vodka)
(Wed 14th May 2003, 9:59, More)

Yay for animations!

(Tue 13th May 2003, 15:26, More)

He just wants to be loved

(Tue 13th May 2003, 10:57, More)

Abject silliness, I know

(Mon 12th May 2003, 10:55, More)

Looks like someone needs worming

(Fri 2nd May 2003, 12:32, More)

The armoured tortoise

Just don't provoke the little bugger
(Tue 29th Apr 2003, 14:36, More)

I don't know why. It was in my head.

Edit: many thanks for the FP
(Mon 28th Apr 2003, 10:11, More)

I too have superb eyebrow control
But the ladies seldom swoon for me.

(Fri 18th Apr 2003, 12:51, More)


(Thu 17th Apr 2003, 12:41, More)

I made this one last night
... and he still has me grinning. Hope he does the same for you.

(Sun 13th Apr 2003, 16:36, More)

Celia, it seemed, was making me an offer

(Thu 3rd Apr 2003, 11:45, More)

On bicycles. Seldom a good idea.

(Mon 31st Mar 2003, 10:08, More)

Not a polar bear

... but a bi-polar bear
(Fri 21st Mar 2003, 11:10, More)

Seymour still tried his best to impress

(Mon 17th Mar 2003, 15:18, More)

Basil has been told not to eat the pods from the senna bush...

... but would he listen? Would he f***!
(Fri 14th Mar 2003, 11:49, More)

Damn it

.... I will catch my tail one day
(Thu 13th Mar 2003, 10:49, More)

If today hasn't already been claimed by anyone
Hargreaves here thinks it should be National Swing Yer Pants day

(Wed 12th Mar 2003, 9:43, More)

Afternoon all.

(Tue 11th Mar 2003, 14:04, More)

Morning all
Second compo entry. The sheep say....

(Mon 10th Mar 2003, 9:49, More)

Somewhere out there
... the lone mad biker giraffe forever roams the highways.

(Tue 4th Mar 2003, 9:41, More)

As ever, no reason

(Mon 3rd Mar 2003, 11:19, More)

Morning all.

(Fri 21st Feb 2003, 10:04, More)

It might be cold out there
But Stuart seems to feel that spring is on its' way.

(Mon 17th Feb 2003, 12:13, More)

First compo entry

(Mon 17th Feb 2003, 9:55, More)

Afternoon all.
Investigations over the weekend revealed the following.

(Mon 3rd Feb 2003, 12:19, More)

More silly animal behaviour.

(Thu 30th Jan 2003, 14:17, More)

37 frames of pure daftness

Sorry about size, managed to squeeze him down to 150K.
(Wed 29th Jan 2003, 10:01, More)

Time-lapse photography

Reveals sheep-flocking patterns to be anything but random
(Mon 27th Jan 2003, 13:36, More)

Tracey was having another moment of identity crisis

(Mon 27th Jan 2003, 10:09, More)

"Where next to wash?", thought Timmy. "Where next to wash?".

(Thu 23rd Jan 2003, 11:34, More)

Afternoon all
I'm having one of these

sort of days.
(Wed 22nd Jan 2003, 15:39, More)

very sorry

(Tue 21st Jan 2003, 14:46, More)

After a few sips, I concluded that Aunt Doreen had been making one of her "special" brews.

Morning all, by the way.
(Mon 20th Jan 2003, 10:34, More)

Bored with the wildlife park
.... the boys decided to hit the amusement park instead.

(Fri 17th Jan 2003, 12:36, More)

I'm not sure....
.... that was the best place to leave the baby. Seems to be enjoying himself though.

(Thu 16th Jan 2003, 13:40, More)

Idris's love continued to be unrequited

(Tue 14th Jan 2003, 9:55, More)

After last year's embarrassing debacle at the Rocky Horror party
...Reginald thought he'd get his "Timewarp" moves up to scratch.

(Mon 13th Jan 2003, 16:30, More)

Morning all.
Reg had always been something of an attention seeker.

(Mon 13th Jan 2003, 11:13, More)

Wilfred had developed a novel method to ward off other males...

(Thu 9th Jan 2003, 11:12, More)

Morning all.....
... this is how I feel this morning.

(Thu 2nd Jan 2003, 10:01, More)

While the professor napped, the penguins took the opportunity to cross into our world.

(Tue 31st Dec 2002, 11:23, More)


(Wed 4th Dec 2002, 13:24, More)

Scouse cat says....

(Tue 19th Nov 2002, 8:46, More)

This was in my head.... but escaped
Asking Disturbed Girl to survey as part of her Sociology project had proved a mistake...

(Fri 8th Nov 2002, 13:22, More)

Meanwhile, down at the camp construction site......

(Fri 1st Nov 2002, 13:30, More)

Cunning buggers

(Mon 28th Oct 2002, 9:18, More)

Bob had definitely picked up the scent of a female

(Tue 22nd Oct 2002, 8:44, More)

Things got a bit strange last night in Sheepville.

(Fri 20th Sep 2002, 9:10, More)


(Mon 16th Sep 2002, 15:46, More)

Best answers to questions:

» People with Stupid Names

Two for you.
A client of ours employs a Mr. Roger Boyz. Fact.
A management consultant we used at my old job was named "Dick Bush". He named his eldest son "Shaun". Double-fact.
(Thu 26th Aug 2004, 17:26, More)

» Irrational Fears

I live in perpetual fear
That I will flick my cigarette ash into the turnups on my trousers, thereby setting them aflame.

For this reason, I avoid trousers with this feature.
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 13:31, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Boiled or poached Egg. Scrambled or fried is fine. But the smell of any other form of egg makes me hurl.

Not a good idea to throw egg mayonnaise sandwiches my way.

(Tue 13th Jul 2004, 12:35, More)