b3ta.com user Wildyles
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Profile for Wildyles:
Profile Info:

look at my webshite

Recent front page messages:

Regional Headwear

(Wed 10th Mar 2021, 10:55, More)

Diagnosis Aroused

(Wed 4th Sep 2019, 13:07, More)


(Fri 4th Jan 2019, 10:39, More)

I'm Mister 'just posting to see his candles'

(Thu 4th Jan 2018, 10:59, More)

Did I miss teh compo?

(Sat 14th Jun 2014, 13:54, More)

That would be an ecumenical matter

(Sun 17th Feb 2013, 21:32, More)

Allo Allo...

(Thu 18th Oct 2012, 13:54, More)

Who doesn't enjoy a prawn ring?

EDIT/ Fixed, thank you Joe Scaramanga :)
(Fri 31st Aug 2012, 11:51, More)


(Fri 13th Jul 2012, 10:59, More)


(Fri 22nd Jun 2012, 12:35, More)

Ding diddle ling ding ding ding ding, ding diddle ling ding ding ding ding.....

(Wed 28th Mar 2012, 20:14, More)

*fears teh pedants*

(Wed 14th Mar 2012, 11:11, More)

I find your lack of answers disturbing.

(Fri 9th Mar 2012, 10:54, More)


(Fri 2nd Mar 2012, 9:05, More)

Poor Frank!

(Wed 22nd Feb 2012, 23:30, More)

Tossers unite!

And yes I am aware they all need butter as well.
(Tue 21st Feb 2012, 11:23, More)


(Fri 10th Feb 2012, 10:10, More)

*touches the ham*

(Fri 20th Jan 2012, 20:20, More)

Have this...

Last one. Promise.

60s | 80s | 90s
(Fri 6th Jan 2012, 21:24, More)

Merry Christmas B3ta, you lovely bunch of bastards.

(Sat 24th Dec 2011, 21:50, More)

Am I late?

EDIT/ now with reverse!

EDIT/ The finished product:

(Tue 13th Dec 2011, 12:42, More)


EDIT/ Now for sale!
(Mon 5th Dec 2011, 16:21, More)

I think this makes sense?

EDIT/ Now available in Poster form
(Fri 18th Nov 2011, 13:26, More)

*reads Fanny by Gaslight*

(Fri 28th Oct 2011, 15:37, More)

*polishes off the rest of the Lamb Madras*

(Fri 21st Oct 2011, 21:15, More)

I'm feeling Grizzly...

(Tue 5th Jul 2011, 16:07, More)

This is definitely all correct*

*most certainly not.
(Fri 10th Jun 2011, 14:56, More)

(Sat 30th Apr 2011, 15:15, More)


(Fri 11th Mar 2011, 17:44, More)


(Fri 29th Oct 2010, 20:49, More)


(Sat 21st Nov 2009, 22:03, More)

If it's bindun I will eat my hat...

*prepares salt and pepper for hat*
My webshite
(Thu 4th Sep 2008, 9:44, More)


My webshite
(Mon 9th Jun 2008, 13:52, More)

Anyone for a cuppa?

Click for biggerer and betterer
(Mon 17th Mar 2008, 10:16, More)


My Webshite
(Tue 23rd Oct 2007, 14:29, More)

A mouseorgan*

*Said with a lisp
(Thu 10th May 2007, 13:13, More)

I think he might try and throw himself in the salt pot again...

(Tue 10th Apr 2007, 9:05, More)

Hobby Horse

I finaly got round to putting them all in one place...
Hobby Horse Homepage
(Mon 2nd Apr 2007, 11:01, More)

They have stepped up production for christmas...

Click for my website
(Thu 14th Dec 2006, 15:17, More)

Hobby Horse - makes a hobby horse

My website
(Mon 22nd May 2006, 12:20, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Stupid Dares

Pickled Eggs
It was a saturday afternoon in a pub in the middle of the peak district, myself and 3 "crazy student' friends go for a pint.

After one drink and a Pickled egg I was skint. So my friends clubbed together and offered me £20 if I ate the rest of the Pickled eggs in the Jar. There where 19 more eggs.

We asked the barmaid to line them up on the bar in shot glasses (which she duly did) by this time we were attracting quite a crowd of locals who wanted to see what the 'crazy students' were getting up to.

So I began. Egg 1 fine, I like Pickled eggs, this was going to be a breeze. Egg 2 still good. By egg 4 the dry yolk texture was beggining to dry my mouth out, and the rubbery white was making me feel ill.

By egg 12 the crowd had subsided, people lost interest including my friends as this was taking some time!

Egg 19 finally came I quietly collected my money and went off to the toilet to be sick.

It turns out however that after 20 Pickled eggs it's quite hard to be sick. So I spent the rest of the evening feeling really rough and the £20 I had earnt for more drinks was useless.

Also I didn't poo for a week and when I did it was like two coke cans placed on top of each other. I had to get a stick from the garden to help it through the U bend.
(Thu 1st Nov 2007, 14:46, More)

» The Great Outdoors

Last year went camping with a few other families for the August Bank Holiday. I purchased some wonderfully bright cream chino's especially for the event.

The tent went up a treat, the campfire was roaring and the lukewarm beer was flowing. The chino's looked just the part. A few beers later and I felt, what I thought would be a rather audible botty cough coming. Hoping for a fantastic humerous response I offered my finger to my fellow campers to pull.

Upon pulling I squeezed with all my might, to get the best sound... I was confused rather than the sound of ripped curtains, I, and all the other campers just heard a dull squelch, then silence.

That's right I had just followed through whilst wearing a pair of unblemished cream chinos. I was hoping that it wouldn't have shown through, but I was sadly mistaken. It left an almighty mess.

Emptying out your own mess from said chinos into a portaloo at 1am isn't much fun I can tell thee.

The next day the in-laws came to visit us at the campsite. Which was very nice. When they came to leave the mother-in-law asked if there was any washing we wanted doing, without thinking my wife passed over the carrier bag containing my shit-stained-chinos. She washed them and gawd bless her, never mentioned it.

I supposed that will teach me for thinking Cream Chinos are in any way acceptable.
(Thu 29th Mar 2012, 15:42, More)

» Your first cigarette

First Cigarette/Spliff
Scene: teenage house party that I was only just cool enough to be invited to.

A group had gathered out the back to watch the coolest member of the group roll a spliff, it was slowly passed round a large group of people with reverence. I was about half way round and it being my first time with anything smoke based I was not sure what to do.

So I sucked.... really sucked! Smoke tickled my throat and I coughed. Unfortunately I still had the spliff in my mouth. It exploded with some force into tiny pieces.

The cool guy just muttered "that was the last of my weed"

I was asked to leave.
(Wed 19th Mar 2008, 20:28, More)

» Filth!

Parisian Toilet
I was on a college trip to Paris and we decided to check out a few Parisian bars, as you do.

Half way through the night a member of our party emerged from the toilet looking quite pale, and urged us 'Not to go in there'. Being inquisitive we did what everyone would do, went to have a look...

We found an old, very drunk, french man passed out on the floor with a very solid, stinky poo emerging from his bearded mouth. Upon closer inspection we couldn't make our minds up if the log had been placed their after he passed out, during or if he was in fact pooing from his mouth?

Still, an image that has stuck with me to this day.
(Thu 2nd Feb 2012, 15:50, More)

» School fights

School Fights
I got in a fight with a girl at school and she kicked me in the nads, quick as a flash I kicked her back in the clunge, but unluckily for me the headteacher only saw the latter and my parents were informed that I was a cunt kicker.....
(Thu 16th Mar 2006, 16:44, More)
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