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This is a question Why will you burn in hell?

Repent ye sinners - Tell us about a dreadful thing you've done that means you'll burn in hell.

(, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 14:02)
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Well.... this
wot I wrote a while ago, drunkenly, as a response to Rory Lyon's odd and unrelenting focus upon a B3ta stalwart's mother, and never posted due to it being horrible enough in terms of both content and form that I was a bit ashamed:


Let's spare a thought for Rory's mum -
she cannot walk, she cannot run
she spends her life upon her bum
slowly dessicating.
The praline in life's chocolate-box -
she wheels herself down to the docks
and chows down on the sailors' cocks
to make 10p, fellating.

A wizened, crippled, dried-up cunt,
a mother to a spastic runt -
subsisting on the sacrement
that she is forced to swallow.
When she's done, she wheels back home -
her breath smells like the cocks she's blown -
each bump traversed brings forth a moan,
because they've fucked her hollow.

It's not for naught she sells herself
despite her age and failing health -
when Rory sees her hard-earned wealth
he gets a small erection.
With spittle dribbling down his chin
he snatches mummy's whoring-tin
runs to the meter, shoves 10p in -
--At last! Dialup connection.

"Not long now," he thinks with glee
"I'll troll them all, and then they'll see!"
But plans don't trump stupidity
and haven't since his birth.
Try as you might, you won't detect
a hint of wit or intellect -
in fact, it's best you just forget
that Rory crawls the earth.

Trembling fingers start to tap
upon the keyboard on his lap,
producing naught but worthless crap
all rendered with poor grammar.
He spazzes out opprobrium -
"YOUR FAT AND SOS YOURE FATTY MUM!!!1!11!"
- as subtle and as Swiftian
as a mongloid with a hammer.

Born from a back-alley ride,
a lion's roar, he claims with pride.
Sadly, though, the dull cunt lied -
which should be dealt with harshly.
Boasts aside, the truth is that
he's just a boring, trolling twat
- a neutered, mewling pussycat -
Mufasa? More like Parsley.

So spare a thought for Rory's mum -
it is a bad thing that she's done -
pretending that she had a son
instead of an abortion.
The flotsam from her genitalia -
paid for by a lonely sailor -
grew to be an abject failure
grotesque and malproportioned.
Wasting all his jobless time
posting banale shit online -
a spandrel from some sailor slime
squirted in a cripple.
For his hopes, and all his fears,
for all his tantrums, all his tears -
his twisted, tortured, wasted years
won't leave a fucking ripple.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 0:31, closed)
Win

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 6:46, closed)
prick
You do realise that he just trolls 4 lolz and he'll find this funny?
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 7:28, closed)
I think trolls for lols is a bit much.
I would say trolls for pity and to feel worth in an otherwise sad and bleak life is more apt for rory our pet spastic.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 7:53, closed)
he's a real life lawyer with a property business.
So I doubt the bleak and sad life bit.

Soz.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:17, closed)
Seeing the amount of time he spends here
spouting his impotent vitriol - business can't be *that* good.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:25, closed)
I thought you had me on ignore?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:48, closed)
Too many syllables for him to read.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:39, closed)
Or, he's just going straight for the 'grass you up to your boss for being silly on the the internet' route.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:43, closed)
Wha?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:54, closed)
Or, perhaps, he's THAT good he doesn't need to put the hours in?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:34, closed)
This is Rory Lyon we're talking about.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:54, closed)
A
Property business eh? Didn't someone mention he was Irish??!
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:49, closed)

Me too - AND I'm an astronaut!


And a fireman.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:52, closed)
So this is his second account.
Hi rory. *Waves*


Lawyer hahahahahahahaahahahahhahaaah Thank you so much for that little gem.


*Wipes tear from eye*
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 11:04, closed)
I'm not a second account. Soz bbz.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:07, closed)
Your arse kissing says otherwise.
Honey bunny.

Although his mum hasn't been on for a while defending his disabilities.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:10, closed)
I'm kissing nobody's arse.
Why would I bother? Rory takes the piss out of uptight pricks on here who take B3ta way too seriously. If you didn't cry about it it wouldn't be funny.

I have a dead mum too, but don't take this place seriously, hence no hectoring from Mr Lyon.

I think you pricks need to shit off back to your SFX subscriptions and Muse CDs and realise two very important things:

This is a comedy website

If you don't like a poster's contributions, put them on ignore.

Hope this helps.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:19, closed)
I think you need to stop being such a cry baby and try and relax on here more rory.
Your second account fools no-one as you temper tantrums on a comedy website shows you to be the usual retarded mess.

Seriously try and relax and enjoy b3ta.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:22, closed)
the best you can do is accuse me of being Rory's second account?
*golf clap*
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:26, closed)

*Golf Clap* I see your are pulling out the generic angry troll responses.

You really are too stressed and unoriginal for this site.

plumdozer = wah wah wah
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:27, closed)
I'm not in the least bit angry.
I'm amused that someone took time out to write a poem about another site user.

Kudos for not descending to the level of a patronising response, and some top level bellending.

EDIT- nice ninja skillz.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:30, closed)
I am amused your last few replies have been such an angry mess.
The second account really is lame and if it isn't then to be such a needy prick to suck up to rory and pretend he is a lawyer is funny in a sad pathetic way.



*Awaits generic angry troll response.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:33, closed)
I'm not sucking up and I am not in the least bit angry, why would I be?
And there's no pretence.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news etc etc.

Nice as well how you automatically assume that someone disagreeing with you must be a troll, rather than someone who just disagrees with you.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:44, closed)

Wah wah wah.

Get rid of that anger and enjoy b3ta.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:48, closed)
I am always baffled by people who get upset by people taking the piss on a website based around irreverent, often bad-taste, humour.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:38, closed)
I know.
I must be arse kissing you here AB, it's either take TMT's side or be a needy, brownnosing prick. It's impossible to conceive that there could be a middle ground.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:41, closed)

See, the thing is - I don't really believe that Rory's mum sucks cock on the dockside for money. I would go so far as to place money on the fact that this is not the case. I am merely taking the piss, in the same manner as Rory was with all his "mum" jokes. You are getting upset, rather than simply using the ignore button on posts you dislike, as you have suggested others should do. You really don't need to be getting angry about this.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:45, closed)
Don't worry with AB he is too busy with his country and western nowadays.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:48, closed)

Really? That must look like a Milky Bar advert.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:49, closed)
It was 'some cunt from Preston' you cloth-eared wanker.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:58, closed)
Hp defending trolling on QOTW.
The internet has come full circle ladies and gentlemen.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:49, closed)
Too true, plum go and cry it out.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:47, closed)

Yeah, coz constantly abusing people is humour and slagging off their qotw contributions is just taking the piss innit. Clearly everyone shares your vision, and the fact the place is down to a few dozen regulars who largely post nonsense is due to the weather.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 21:49, closed)
A lawyer?
Must be Charles Carreon.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:12, closed)
Just so long as he understands,
nobody likes him, we're good.

Top work there, I'm usually quite hostile to poetry, but that one did make me chuckle.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:29, closed)
talking of which, what's happend to Mr Dedd?

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 7:51, closed)
He is
Still around, check out his awesome contribution this week, you won't be dissapointed...Much.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:28, closed)
Hey!
I noticed it.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:57, closed)
Although this is a good poem,
it is the glucose drip to Rory's life support.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 7:54, closed)
An eye for an eye
will make the whole world blind.
And then the one-eyed man will be king. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? A ONE-EYED KING?
You monster.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:19, closed)
I've got your one-eyed king right here, etc

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:09, closed)
*supplicates*

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:20, closed)
Poetry is for faggots. Go outside and do something useful you spastic.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:23, closed)
JESUS CHRIST
WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU MAN?
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:25, closed)
Nicely done
Alas.
Being a the third rate anencephalic moron our Rory won't even recognise how badly he's just been burned, and will just vomit another stomachful of reeking bile onto our screens in the hope that it will gain him some miniscule hint of personal validation.
And a very tiny hard-on.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:44, closed)
I like praline

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 11:20, closed)
Poor ol' Rory
Totally incapable of being able to form a response of any kind.

I'd pity him but I really can't be arsed.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 11:27, closed)
I clicked for the poem HP
but I'm kinda sad that this has garnered more responses than rapey-finger-boy further below.
Oh, well - b3ta.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 12:59, closed)

to be fair, most of them are from the same person stridently declaring that people shouldn't respond to things they don't like, and should simply use the 'ignore' button instead. Apparently, he skipped class the day they learned about hypocrisy. But thanks anyhow :)
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 13:02, closed)
This is well bent.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 13:28, closed)
This looks like it's taken you hours, no doubt honing it over the two years since the original post, until you felt it perfect enough to fit into a qotw.
What I don't get is why would you go to hell for being mentally ill and writing crap poems?
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 13:39, closed)

Shit... does this mean you won't be supporting my application to become Poet Laureate? Gutted.

Still - all things considered, a tongue-in-cheek bit of sweary doggerel describing an obviously fictitious scenario is probably less distasteful than bragging about committing statutory rape.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:40, closed)
I'd rather be Paul Gadd than spend two years stewing over being made to look like a prick by another poster only to get my sweet revenge by posting a retarded poem.
That rory lyons so upset he's umm not even bothered replying. You've clearly sick burned him to death, that must be it. The only b3ta poster to be killered to death by a shit poem. This should be newslettered. Who wants to see something shit by joel again when there's far more important stuff like this happening.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 22:05, closed)
Well I quite liked it
Cheers, HP
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 18:12, closed)
Wait ... so ... wait ... but ... have I got this right?
Somebody was deliberately annoying on the internet.
So you got annoyed and wrote a fucking mini-epic whine poem?
And some time later you thought it would be a good idea to share it. With the internet.

Are you a teenage emo on crystal meth?

Because otherwise I think you just found the supersecret room underneath the "tragic internet losers" level of Super Mario.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 18:33, closed)

I imagine this goes without saying, but I'm fairly indifferent to your tedious, bombastic fuckwittery. Thumbs-up for your awareness of crystal meth, though - I'd presumed you were more into the Sanatogen and HRT stage of life...
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 20:11, closed)
Cry me a fucking psalm.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 20:15, closed)

you're not even worth a haiku.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 20:17, closed)
Yeah. You don't really get to play the "I'm not bovvered" card once you've committed your whining to clumsy verse.
Soz.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 21:07, closed)

Dr. Shambles is
a pain in the fucking arse
who would've known, eh?

*Note Shambo the the time and effort I've put into this - it's indicative of just how highly I think of you and your input here*
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 22:39, closed)
I reckon it shows you up as being brain damaged.
I hope you got enough compensation to cover carers, home adaptations, and all that other stuff.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 22:44, closed)
Oh christ!
Now we've got someone white-knighting Shambo.

You and plumdozer ought to setup a B3ta-Fuckwits Appreciation Society. I would suggest you extend an invite to WiccdWitch otherwise she might get upset.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 22:53, closed)
you're first on the invitations list
Due to your liking for taking 'screenies' to give to the proper B3ta authorities.

Self important prick.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 22:58, closed)
Noticing that you've got something wrong with your brain isn't really classified as internet knighting another user of the forum.
You'd know that if you didn't have something wrong with your brain.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 23:05, closed)
Watch out.
He may just do screenies. He loves doing screenies.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 23:06, closed)
doggy with a bone

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 23:47, closed)
yeah, he was sick of being picked on by an internet prick
So he wrote a poem and was as much of a prick as the original prick.

I'm not sure what he was trying to do.
(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 20:43, closed)
He's certainly succeeded.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 21:08, closed)
Rory is ace. End of discussion.

(, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 23:17, closed)
I don't think you're rory's type.
Soz.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 10:47, closed)

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