ps I love you
I had been dating a girl for a few weeks. One day when chatting to her on msn and watching tv I asked her what she was doing that night. 'Watching a film she said', 'which one I replied?' long pause whilst my mind wandered. When I returned to the screen it said 'PS I love you'. I panicked and didn't know how to reply, after a while I thought the best thing to do was to say I loved her back. She didn't feel the same way and dumped my sorry was.
(Cat2903, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 18:39, 6 replies)

Aged 42, dated a 41-yr old
divorcee grandmother, with job, car, own place, responsibility and a 10-yr old son from 2nd marriage. Me with job, car, own place, no baggage. 10 weeks of bliss, all the right noises, both using the L-word, great sex.
Two responsible, intelligent adults building a beautiful thing together.
Dumped at 11pm one evening by SMS. By fucking SMS, like a spotty adolescent, without explanation.
We spoke one more time, when she came round for a couple of her CDs. She said 'Hi. Thanks. See you.'
( blyerkit e k trilby, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 17:19, 15 replies)

She wanted me to show I loved her
I didn't.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 17:09, Reply)

None of you fat spastics have ever been dumped because you're all a bunch of shut-in sweaty virgins.
So shut up.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 16:55, 8 replies)

I dumped the crazy bitch about two weeks before Glastonbury, to which we were planning to go together
Fuck it, I thought, I'm going anyway. There'll be plenty of supportive friends in the group, so no reason to stay away. When I arrived, I discovered that another mate had been actually been dumped AT the festival - she waited until they'd pitched their tent, then broke up with him.

So, we went on the All Women Are Bastards tour, which basically meant caning as much as possible: no limits, no refusals. The other guy had intended to sell tequila shots from a harness-mounted optic, but we ended up drinking half and swapping the rest for drugs. I remember accosting a guy, demanding that he sell us acid, solely on the basis that he looked dutch. (He was, and he did.) After that it's all a bit vague.

Apparently I returned to the group camp site, and was asked by my ex's four-year-old daughter why I wasn't living with them any more. Thankfully I didn't say anything inappropriate (like how her mum was batshit mental and had basically been fucking everyone in Brighton EXCEPT me, for some months); in fact I'm told that I gave a sensitive, balanced and age-appropriate explanation of the situation, which satisfied the tot, gave a warm glow to my mates, and caused my ex to squirm in mortified embarrassment. Result!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 16:30, 7 replies)

I got dumped on my birthday....
Which is also Christmas Day....

and I was in Spain.

It was pretty shitty.

That is all I have to say on the subject.
(superkitty is neither super nor a kitty, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 15:03, 2 replies)

"We've had a lovely day, let's not spoil it...
...by pretending it's going anywhere".
It was a lovely day too; walking in Richmond Park, being nuzzled by a baby deer, and a good meal followed by competent nobbing.

Length? About 24 hours. Length of awkwardness at work? About two years.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 14:17, Reply)

colin
aged 13, i was dumped by a boy called colin. it was very public, he stormed up to me in the playground and shouted "that's it! i can't put up with you any more! you treat me like dirt and i'm sick of your games, we're through!"
after treating him like that, you may think i deserved to be dumped. thing was, as colin was usually very shy, he'd never spoken more than 2 words to me before. he'd certainly never asked me out. it's quite bizarre to get dumped by someone you didn't know you were going out with.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 14:07, 5 replies)

Dumped
I was once dumped by a girl because I didn't belive in ghosts, mediums, mayan 2012 bullshit and every single conspiracy thing she tried to convince me was real.

I thought it gave us a nice contrast...
(Mong goose, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 13:56, 3 replies)

When I was 16,
I used to go out with a girl called Nicky. Not for long though, she used to have the occasional cig from the local shop who used to sell them separately for 12p each to kids. Consequently her breath smelt a bit and I used to avoid kissing her and so she dumped me which was disappointing, not least because she would often stick her hand down my pants. Well I say dumped me, she got her best mate to do the dirty work for her. I never liked her best mate anyway, she had a face like a stamped bat, blind in one eye, smelt like unwashed cock and generally had a personality that brought out my inner Sutcliffe.

I tried to find out what was going on, but she avoided me all day. So that night, after drinking heavily all evening I went round her house, broke in through the kitchen window and went to her room and wanked on her face. I then went into her parents' room and then wanked on her mum's face. Nicky came staggering into the room. But because I'd given her a proper Velma she didn't realise who I was.

"Dad!" she cried. "Not again"

But it wasn't her dad, because I had raped him with a rolling pin before beating his face into the shape of a wok and kicking a biro into his ear, because he was a cunt. Even though I'd never met him.

"It's not your dad, it's me! Unghh!" and I tipped my filthy concrete onto her mum's face who orgasmed so hard she jumped off the bed and landed on top of the wardrobe. I then wiped my cock on Nicky's hair, taped over all her DVDs even though they hadn't been invented yet before going home, setting fire to their garden shed on the way. When I got home, my dad was waiting for me. He said "Well done son, here have a bottle of whisky, and a medal." because my dad's ace like that. And my mum is too, but she was in bed because she'd had a hard day inventing the Sega Megadrive.

Anyway, when Nicky came into class the next day, I was in the middle of a mass orgy shagging all of her mates; even her best mate, the cycloptic fucking ogre that she was. She called for the teacher, but I kicked him so hard in the tangerines that it lifted him off the floor. Apparently at the hospital later that day, his bollocks were hanging out of his arsehole because I'd kicked them so hard.

Within five minutes, I had been expelled from the school and was being escorted off the premises by special forces who had been called earlier just in case, so I nicked the headmaster's car, converted it into a rocket and blasted off into space and nuked Nicky's house from orbit. I then fell out of space and crashed into the school turning it into a big crater, and then the world exploded and my head fell off.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 12:35, 30 replies)

Give it time to sink in.
A couple of years ago I was in a long-distance relationship with a girl who was a gooey centre of kindness coated in a crispy shell of nutter. It wasn't going so well, and we arranged that she'd come down for the weekend so that we could Talk and Sort Things Out. This turned out to be the prelude for some carefully-reasoned dumpage, which she took grumpily but stoically at the restaurant table.

As I was seeing her to her train home a short while later, she fainted right in the middle of the concourse, prompting the thousand-or-so bystanders to stare at me as though I had just decked her with my invisible Fist of Doom.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 11:10, 2 replies)

My wife is a Twilight fan and a member of team Jacob.

Getting somewhat involved in the third film and wanting Bella, the annoying female lead character with a single facial expression as portrayed by the young boy from Panic Room, to get it on with her preferred character, would excitedly should at the screen 'Dump Ed'.
( Muns, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 10:41, Reply)

A bloke I know is a member of a society which appreciates refuse tips.
'Dump 'Eads' is what they apparently call themselves.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 10:27, 1 reply)

I heard that the mods dumped the search function because it fucked Robtoo's wife.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 10:12, 4 replies)

Bloody hell, it's whining prickery like this that makes me glad I've got sociopathic tendencies.
If someone refusing to shag me anymore had me crying like you lot I'd probably kill myself.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 9:22, 6 replies)

I once dumped a girl who was actually very nice but I didn't want a relationship so decided rather than lead her on, I would end it
As she had done nothing wrong I tried to be as nice as I could. I invited her over and we sat together and I explained that after my last breakup I just wasn't ready to get in to a relationship. I told her how there was nothing wrong with her and that she should think she had done anything bad. She seemed to take it ok, we sat and watched a film together and decided it would be daft not to stay mates as we enjoyed each others company. Everything seemed to have gone well with the breakup and the horrible guilty feeling I had been feeling was slowly lifting.
Then as she was leaving she suddenly broke in a hysterical fit of tears and wailing, jumped in to her car and crashed it in to the side wall of a house about 20 feet away.
We didn't stay friends.
( Peej, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 9:22, 2 replies)

I HAD A LOVE AFFAIR WITH THE FUCKING MODS FROM HERE.
They rarely edited my posts (well, there was that 1 time on /board - they said it was too big, I thought it fit just fine). & they made sure to use the "step hammer" to send all those horrible internet bullies from /talk to the Naughty Step.

Then they sent me to the Naughty Step because someone dobbed me in for being a horrible internet bully. This I had trouble with at first but then I saw that it was actually the FUCKING MODS trying to get closer to me. It made me want to be closer to them. So I did.
After rifling thru their voluptuous super-model wife's undie draw I found what I was looking for - a samurai sword and the keys to their custom made DiAgostini Accord. I was in like Ring. I had to finish with a quick wank into one of their sock-puppetaccounts.
As soon as I was in the car and rikrolling on my way to meet the good Dr. I hit problems. 1st I hit a Hedgehog from Hell. Then just another wanker acting like he was completely BraynDedd & singing "Jingle Bells" got in my way & I had to Monty the kerb to avoid The Other Guy & Smashing the Monkey.
I skidded to a halt outside where the FUCKING MODS work. Now Me, I'm not... the quickest on the uptake so, "Ok Cupid" I mused, "Time to change tack if I want to win the FUCKING MODS hearts".
So having got a pup from the Battersea Dogs Home I behaved like a complete Vagabond and fingered it's bum. This made it yowl at just the right pitch to accompany the song that I had written them. I sang it under their window.
No sign of a step hammer, no sign of the FUCKING MODS. And now they won't even return my calls. It's like I've been dumped by the FUCKING MODS.

Oh well. Plenty more websites in the favorites menu.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 4 Jan 2013, 8:11, 26 replies)

Not dumped as such,
But I once went out with a Dutch girl who owned a pair of inflatable shoes. ....
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 7:54, 5 replies)

Shambo took me off ignore a couple of weeks ago.
And now he's put me back on it.

Still enjoy our little chats tho.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 4 Jan 2013, 6:00, 1 reply)

Thoughtful
Looking back, I was a bit of a twat when I was younger. I'd been going out with a lovely lady for around 2 years. Let's call her Rachel. She'd dumped her boyfriend of 5 years for me, and lost her virginity with me (she was Catholic, so this was a big deal). But then I met someone else and realised I had to leave Rachel. I went to visit her: she picked me up from the station looking stunning. Her parents were out for the weekend and she'd cooked a fantastic meal for me.

After the lovely meal and some wine we went to bed. I kept meaning to tell her I was leaving her, but somehow I convinced myself that a final shag would soften the blow. Just as we were getting down to it she whispered in my ear that she'd thought I was coming to see her in order to dump her... "Well actually", I began, and told her. Unsurprisingly she went ballistic and hoofed me out of bed. That was a long night. At 5am she agreed to drive me to the station. Not many trains at Bolton at 5 in the morning, and it was bloody freezing.

When I got home I called my new girlfriend to tell her I was free (this was in the days before mobile phones). "Great", she said, "by the way, did I tell you I was going to America for 4 months?" So that worked out well. (Actually it did - we are still together 25 years later. Aaah).
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 4:57, 1 reply)

An American here:
The only Republican that I have dated wanted to talk about the break up, a lot.

Until I lost my patience and explained to her that the sex we had wasn't in fact good, and that I hoped she would have good sex some day so that she'd know the difference.

On the flip side it was almost four years ago when the scent of jasmine flowers (this is in no way related to the first story) stopped stabbing me in the heart. That took ten years to happen but shortly thereafter: Joy, I'm in love again and I really think that this time it won't make me wish I were dead unless she goes first.
(Smoked Oysters Yes, magick helmet! And I will give you a sample!, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 1:17, 11 replies)

I went out with a girl from Sunderland once...
...she wasn't actually from Sunderland, but she was going to University there.

As long-distance relationships sometimes do, it all went tits up and I phoned her to tell her it was all over. She was remarkably sanguine about it all, even going so far as to say "Well yeah, I'm a bit disappointed, but I'm not going to let it ruin my life or my degree, so don't worry it's all cool". This from someone who two days previously had been telling me how I was the first person she'd ever loved and how good our life together was going to be once she'd finished Uni.

Anyway, that all went far more easily than I expected so, mightily relieved, I went out for a few beers. The following morning I had a text:

"Ah man, I had a really weird dream last night, that you broke up with me, lol wtf? Hahahaha, love you xxx" (Or words to that effect)

So then I had to ring her and explain that yes, actually I *had* broken up with her and it wasn't a dream. Cue ten minutes of crying, wailing, pleading, recriminations and all the stuff I'd been expecting when I first made the call...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 23:41, 4 replies)

I told your mum.
'I'll never get over you'.
So I got up and went round.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 22:58, 17 replies)

Drama fail!
I ended a ten year relationship a few months ago, it was all very amicable as we just grew apart. I left her with the old place and I’ve moved into a lovely little converted ice house just on the harbour near Brighton. It’s quite nice to see the boats go past my front room window and I’m quite happy with my new life. She’s doing okay too. :-)
( JamHamster My eyes, my beautiful eyes!, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 22:37, 3 replies)

Getting dumped is one thing. You can get over it in an instant if you are resilient.
Making logistical agreements over the separation of the DVD collection, who owned what vinyl, THAT shit can go on for YEARS.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 3 Jan 2013, 21:56, 12 replies)

Not what she was expecting...
After the beginnings of the recession, my girlfriend and I had to leave our flat and move in with our respective parents again. Unfortunately, my girlfriend of 3 years couldn't get a job in the barren wasteland that was oop north, whereas I quickly found agency work with long hours and shit pay.

We made occasional trips to places, she came down for a couple of weeks at a time, only returning north to sign on again. I only went to her place once in our entire relationship - her family were not normal, but that's not for this qotw.

Anyway, I soon found my eye wandering, she was out of sight and mind for weeks at a time, apart from the the odd telephone call, there was little preventing me from seeing this lovely lady round the corner. After a kiss, things got a little serious, I weighed up the options and decided to do the honourable thing and go up to see the soon-to-be ex.

I needed to do it now, 'cos next weekend it will be her birthday and you don't want to be a douche and break-up with her on her birthday.

What I missed completely was that it was the middle of February, the only day I could go up was Saturday. The 14th.

I've got a pretty good memory with public transport, so even though I'd only taken that trip once, I knew which bus and vaguely the right stop. I saw the Chinese take-away place we went to on the corner and remembered how grim everything was up north. This was her road alright.

What I'm useless with are door numbers.

So that's how I ended up outside my girlfriend's window on Valentine's evening, break-up flowers at the ready and called her asking her to look out her bedroom window.

(Not only did this help confirm it was her house, but also checked if she was actually home so I didn't have to talk to her parents at the door)

Oh man. She was so happy for like 2 minutes tops.
(MrTeapot hasn't played with himself since, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 21:46, 6 replies)

I heard that poor old Battered made a mildly satirical and amusing joke on /offtopic...
...and got dumped onto the nawty step.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Jan 2013, 21:40, Reply)