You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Off Topic » Post 1592471 | Search
This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 800, 799, 798, 797, 796, ... 1

« Go Back | Popular

it's definitely lunchtime
what are you having?

alt: are you comfortable with your body and being naked? do you strut around like a turkeycock or do you scuttle to cover up every last bit of wobbling flesh? how much would someone have to pay you to streak down your high street?

alt alt: alternative careers for b3tans? monty would make a great pirate/highwayman...
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:42, Reply)
Whatever the canteen is churning out, think I can smell burgers. No problems with my nudity.
Wouldn't want to streak though.
Have you considered a minimum wage job in a shop or cafe?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:49, Reply)

Gonz should replace Greg Wallace, as they're both dull, fat, with an unhealthy obsession with food but can't cook.

Jeff should be a careers advisor given how many B3tan's he has helped with CV's.

Al should be a speedbump so he gets repeatedly run over.

Lusty should be a mental health nurse given her experiences with Monty.

I should be Prime Minister.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:49, Reply)
Career
Advice...

'Become a contractor, you'll earn more and have none of the office politics to deal with'.

The end.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:05, Reply)
It's working for me.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:06, Reply)
I'm having peppered mackerel and boursin sandwitches
Alt: Perfectly comfortable in my own company, or that of anyone who has been stupid enough to sleep with me. Otherwise I observe normal WENglish levels of timidity.

ALtALt: Monty is French duke if I ever saw one. he should lay around on hammocks all day eating soft cheese.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:50, Reply)
probably a frittata
I have the afternoon off so I can cook something at home, plus a load of eggs, mushrooms, peppers and sundry cooked meats.

Alt alt: Jeff as a pet therapist.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:55, Reply)
That sounds like a giant .... off Spanish omelette.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:58, Reply)
similar but finished under the grill

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:59, Reply)
Hmm, the het nanny has seeped onto my system for some reason.
That should have read "fukk".
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:01, Reply)
A terrible day, what are you having?
Alt: I'm comfortable enough to strut about if it's somebody I have reason to be naked around but not with people I haven't. They would have to pay me a lot.

Alt alt: I think I've already mentioned that The Supreme Crow should be a 19th century cavalryman.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:57, Reply)
I am neither proud nor ashamed of my body
I would happily streak down the high street if in the right mood.

Quentin would make a good politician

Oh and I had A baguette with sweet onion course paté
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:59, Reply)
arh, thanks joe
but i think its my legal background that makes me stick to my guns so steadfastly

even if i was ever wrong (which I'm not), i would never admit it
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:01, Reply)
Alt: Look if you want me to gaz you some nude pics you only have to ask, you know.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:01, Reply)
nobody else got this hint

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:03, Reply)
Look if you fancy a fuck or owt I'm not bad looking and I have nice legs.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:04, Reply)
define "owt"

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Fuck you then you frigid cow

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Or not, as the case seems to be.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:08, Reply)
Hmmm define
Ignore my last post I have no idea what I thought you wrote.

Owt, well whatever you want, beggers can't be choosers
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
I'm really looking forward to the b3tan punchup between Gonz and Battered now.
I love the idea of internetters trying to fight. It'll be like watching two arthritic blancmanges.

I might have to get one of those old school football rattle things. You know the ones on the stick with the whirly bit? I'll have a tenner on Gonz if anybody's opening a book.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:04, Reply)
Did you ever see the Tweek Vs Craig episode of south park?

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:05, Reply)
I don't really watch South Park.
But I think I might know where you're going with it.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:07, Reply)

hahahaha great shout.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
I won't punch Gonz. It'd be like punching a mentally unstable, prescription drug addict... oh, hang on a minute...

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:10, Reply)
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:10, Reply)
Sssh!
You'll attract the attention of the teachers.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:11, Reply)
Pfft.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:12, Reply)
am I missing something here?
Why are you two fighting?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:12, Reply)
There is no fight.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:14, Reply)
good.
Peace and love, peace and love....
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:16, Reply)
You are Ringo Starr
AICMFP
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:25, Reply)
Ah, well done.
I thought that had escaped most people...
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)
Battered just decided to have a pop at Gonz.
He probably forgot to say thank you for something.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Very good. Well done.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:17, Reply)
Battered is going to PUNCH Gonz in the FACE
Because Gonz said something about his missus.

Ooo, leave 'im Battered, he ain't worf it*

*He's totally worth it.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)
Haven't people learned to leave battered's missus alone yet?

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
About as much as people have learned no to mention their SO on here it seems.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)
Are you looking at mr b3th?
You frightful cunt.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:37, Reply)
You are an 8 year old in the playground AICMFP.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
I can't imagine anything funnier
than two drunk internetters trying to be manly.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)
It really wouldn't be. Gonz would die.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)
watching them trying to have sex?

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)
YES, THAT WOULD BE LIKE FIGHTING YOURSELF
It reminds me of Star Trek episode 'Mirror, Mirror' /kroney
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
I'm probably being a glutton for punishment here, but try and use this place to practice getting rid of that short man syndrom.
There is no need to act the big man here, we're all good'n'bad in our own ways, I'm sure you have plenty of possitive personal qualities that you've gotten on your own merit. When someone says a hypothetical reply to a hypothetical question, on a message board who's main topics of discussion as "Purile Humour" and "creative writing/art" it's generally not the time to take what they said as written gospal.

Just so you're aware, Eminem didn't really kills his wife in the trunk of her car and drive it off a bridge.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:33, Reply)
I've just had my lunch. It was very exciting.
Cheese salad sandwich, sunchips, banana. Woo.

Alt: around teh house, yes. anywhere else, oh dear god no.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:04, Reply)
HOLY FUCKING SHIT BATMAN!
That's an epic lunch!
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:06, Reply)
It wasn't even real cheese
It was laughing cow. dairylea for grown ups.

AND I've finished it off with a weightwatchers chocolate toffee crisp bar.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Alt alt: Monty has already got an alternative career
Making tasteful birthday cakes, suitable for any occasion: www.friatider.se/shocking-photos-shows-swedish-minister-of-culture-celebrating-with-niger-cake
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:07, Reply)
the anders breivik of cake makers

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:08, Reply)
That is quite bizarre.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:12, Reply)

Barry should be a daytime TV presenter
I would like to be a WWF wrestler
Jeff should write for the Sun
Gonz should be the most caring pimp in all of existence, Gonz and his girls.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:15, Reply)
In all seriousness I would love to host something like Grand Designs.
Could watch that shit all day.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:16, Reply)

I was thinking you would love being in make up and wardrobe.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Fuck right off.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:18, Reply)

You pun so well*

*with alarming regularity.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:19, Reply)
You could replace dear Deirdre.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
was he wearing just knickers when he wrote "Fuck right off" ?

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)
jeff is coming up a lot here
i think he would make a good uncle. because he's a pervert, naturally.

crow would make a great elizabethan lute player.

gonz should be a chef.

battered could be a banker.

al could be a local councillor.

AA could be an organ donor...
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:18, Reply)

Gonz needs to be a pimp.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
I find this
Less offensive than the suggestion made by Bob
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:20, Reply)
Is there much call for foreskin donors?

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)
A banker?
Nasty.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:21, Reply)
Rhyming slang

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
I'd rather be called a wanker than a banker.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)
rachelswipe admitting to wanting AA to give her a good seeing to, right here.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:22, Reply)
i just thought he could play the hymns at my church

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:23, Reply)
Does being an uncle automatically make you a pervert?
Have you had a bad experience, or something?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)
Is this you?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUIuixJLpbc
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:31, Reply)
ha, no
but that stusut guy wrote a poem on /qotw about how his hair "reeked of uncles. naughty naughty uncles". fucking surreal genius.

here: b3ta.com/questions/teenagepoetry/post37963
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:31, Reply)
Was he the surreal stream of consciousness genius?
Qotw needs more of him.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
that's the one
he was awesome
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
Gonz shouldn't be a chef.
there would be ... issues.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)
Wha?

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)
just kidding

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)
Fair enough then

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Lasagne
Alt: I'm fine being naked, don't have a problem with it. I wouldn't streak down my high street, as my parents and boss both shop there.

Alt Alt: Battered could be an Oompa Loompa
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:27, Reply)

Battered Plumdozer
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)
Poor Dozer.
He's like the camp bitch now.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)
I had Souther fried chicken, roast spuds, broccoli and chilli tomatoes.
Alt alt, Equalities minister. I'd do a sterling job
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:28, Reply)
I've just woken up. I am so tired.
Lunch dunno, chicken sandwich maybe. I'm gonna spend the next hour or so dancing on the landing in my pants to Italo nu-disco anyway. I'm not that hungry.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)
Dispense with the pants.
You'll feel so much more liberated.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)
also, dispense with the music
as anything containing the word "nu" is unilaterally fucking atrocious
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)
French electro then.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)
see "nu" before?
this also applies to "french" in music.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)
Nope not having that at all.
Some of the best DJs and producers ever are/were French. I'd do anything to be a Parisian, it's the only way I could be cooler than I am currently.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)
Almost none of them have felt the need to place the word "french" in the description of their music though
which would be my point.

French DJ that happens to play house? fine. If they describe their music as "French House" or something though, it'll be shit.

Barry, you could only be cooler if you were trapped inside an iceberg. You're so hip I'm amazed breathing isn't too mainstream for you, mate.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:46, Reply)
I wasn't calling the music French electro.
I meant I was going to listen to electro music that has been made by people from France. Seeing as the playlist consists purely of French artists it made sense at the time.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:50, Reply)
right so.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:56, Reply)
Incorrect
Yé-yé music from the 60s is generally ace.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:43, Reply)
see above.
was it called "french ye-ye music" ?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:47, Reply)
It is from France
And is more commonly known in this country (by me at least) as Frenchpop.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:50, Reply)
dammit, tangles.
I can't be expected to produce crass generalisations that also take account of your personal phraseology.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:53, Reply)
You're a man of science, badge
At the very least I'd expect you to make some allowances for the sorts of things I might say.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:57, Reply)
When I had my student digs to myself I played Fifa naked in the front room a couple of times.
Never again, I got hammered. Far too distracting.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)
Careful dancing like that
It is Risky Business
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)
LTI

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:32, Reply)
baguette thing. chicken and ham.
alt: As I believe I may have mentioned before, I've been published naked in a national magazine, so I'd have to be comfortable really. I'd probably streak for free after enough beer.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:29, Reply)
is that a baguette in your pocket etc etc?

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:30, Reply)
no, that's my cock.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:31, Reply)
oh
then you can streak. carry on.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:33, Reply)
soft on the inside and crusty on the outside? Goes well with cheese

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:35, Reply)
don't forget stale.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:36, Reply)
sprinkle with water and microwave to restore is freshness

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
Health and Efficiency?
Or were you Cosmo's naked centrefold?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:49, Reply)
It was a mountain biking magazine.
yeah, I'm that cool.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:52, Reply)
*makes joke about choppers*

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:57, Reply)
POIDH

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:00, Reply)
I've tried for years to find a copy.
One of my mates still had one about 7 years ago but he's lost it now.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:10, Reply)
Swipey could work for a texan baptist church trying to turn gay men straight...

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:34, Reply)
This post appears to contain more panda than Edinburgh Zoo.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Our local news programme has just shown a nice collection of 21 year old placentas.
At lunchtime.

*boaks*
*writes to BBC*
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:40, Reply)
go on...

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:41, Reply)
"Dear Big Black Cocks..."

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:42, Reply)
Please can you fix it for me to be gang raped around the back of "Chicken Cottage"
thanks awfully

AA
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:44, Reply)
It's not rape if I ask for it!

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:05, Reply)
OWT Means what ever you like
I thought you said Definitely not because my eyes have gone spazzy from staring at the screen.

So yeah let me know and all that
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:45, Reply)
I think you've probably blown your chances.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:48, Reply)
nah
i've done much much worse. phillie's cool.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:57, Reply)
and straight

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:58, Reply)
there's the rub

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:59, Reply)
I didn't feel anything
Rub harder
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:05, Reply)
Cool
So I'm free friday, pick you up at 8?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:05, Reply)
I had curry for lunch, lunch of champions
Can anyone recommend a good holiday search site other than lastminute and expedia?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:01, Reply)

www.icelolly.com/
www.teletextholidays.co.uk/
www.holidaysupermarket.com/
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:03, Reply)
thanks chompy!

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:04, Reply)
onthebeach.co.uk is good too

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:04, Reply)
Rea-lly?

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:53, Reply)
Very good, but yes

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:56, Reply)
Cold pasta with sun-dried tomato, olives and spinach
It was OK

Fairly OK I suppose. Now that the running weight loss is really kicking in, it looks better. Less wobbly bits

Alt Alt:
Bernard Manning's joke writers - all
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:04, Reply)
That pasta sounds amazing.
I just had Dairylea dunkers, they were so bad I had to buy some sunglasses to cheer myself up.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:05, Reply)
Sainsbury's "finest"
Got the other half to have tomorrow
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:06, Reply)
Genuinely don't know how you can't eat the whole thing.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:10, Reply)
'cos I is a fat cunt, innit?!
I can easily eat the whole thing
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:12, Reply)
holy cow, why was battered having a go at gonz?
is he taking the internet dead serious again? i hope he doesn't flounce

...again
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:08, Reply)
"Some" people take it badly when you mention hanging out the back of their wife
shortly before killing her
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:11, Reply)
earlier today i said i was paying her for sex and putting her up in a battered women's home
why the bitterness at gonz? he's a nice bloke, and to be fair killing her is the best way to stop anyone finding out he did it with a munter
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:12, Reply)
Just guessing
I take everything on here for the lols
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:13, Reply)
thats the wrong way to do it

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:14, Reply)
yeah Sporters, this is srz bznss

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:16, Reply)
personally, the way i see it
battered was deeply unhappy with his marriage, sure the wife went off him a long time ago but he came to terms with it

he tried it on with the PA today though and she utterly rejected him, in a fit of futile upset he was handed his P45 and shown the door, pending legal ramifications for the sexual harrassment/assault

the wife then greeted him when he got home from work early, he told her the truth and she smashed his favourite diana memorial dinner plates. he sobbed, broke down and had a go at gonz to make himself feel better

and thats how it happened
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:19, Reply)
you sound like Clive Pringle.
" .... and that's what really happened, darling"

"Clive, that's the plot of the Lord of the Rings. What really happened?"

"....I lost a bet in a dockside bar and was tag-fucked all night by Russian sailors"
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:23, Reply)
i don't watch cartoons

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:27, Reply)
well done.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:29, Reply)
np bbz
its just another one of the many, many ways in which i, a younger person than you, are more mature than you, an older person than me
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:32, Reply)
I reckon he's beaten up his apple mac over these vicious slurs about his wifes fidelity, and there's spittle all over his stripy shirt and red braces

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:20, Reply)
Don't provoke him, Rory
Battered's a total bad-ass and he might totally punch you in real life!
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:24, Reply)
He's gone off on one, in his own head his wife aint been putting out since this kid arrived, despite his deployment of his full itinerary of lothario wiles, and now she's being fucked up the arse by a god damn jew
HEADSAREGONNAROLL!!!!!!!
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:28, Reply)
to be fair to battered, and i think we should all stop picking on him to be honest,
i'd be pretty cheesed off if i had a really ugly baby too
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:31, Reply)
Especially if said baby was the only reason I had ended up married.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:36, Reply)
in all honesty i'd rather fuck his ugly baby than his fat wife
its just a fact
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:39, Reply)
I heard you have to say thank you after you come in his wife or he gets really upset.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:40, Reply)
i think gonz had it right
you come inside her but push her off a cliff, riding her all the way down like silver surfer

then you jump off just before she smashes into the ground, forward roll into a gymnast finish, and then you get a gold medal for it from the gift shop
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:42, Reply)
O_O

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:40, Reply)
i already admitted to being a peado earlier, its not an issue

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:43, Reply)
I thought God had chosen the Jews, not damned them?

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:46, Reply)
That was until they killed Jesus. Duh.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:48, Reply)
Wait a sec, was it because I _didnt_ take it seriously?
I mean, I didn't spend that tenner, I think I would change that about the story, I would buy some sushi.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:40, Reply)
You have to take the internet very, very seriously Gonz.

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:51, Reply)
i think battered's flounced early, i'm dead upset that he's not here to appreciate our efforts

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 15:01, Reply)
Pasta bolognese
much more so now than I was a few years ago. Some residual hangups but I'm quite happy to potter about naked in front of people I'm comfortable with. Oxford high street is a good half a mile long, though, so it'd have to be at least a couple of hundred quid.

I can well imagine Jeff being a tabloid agony uncle, actually.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:23, Reply)
This fight between Gonz and Battered....
The last time I looked forward to a bout this much was the now famous Deacon v. Merrick battle.

Sadly, that fight was stopped early due to excessive dribble in the boxing ring.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:51, Reply)
Battereds gone off to the stock room to practice his killer Big Daddy gut rush

(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 14:55, Reply)

steak and yes i would streak. Probably only cost a tenner, or a few beers, or a steak
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 15:04, Reply)

« Go Back | Reply To This »

Pages: Latest, 800, 799, 798, 797, 796, ... 1