Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Portmanteau words.These fucking things have really been making me ANGRY OFFLINE recently. 'Brangelina' was bad, 'Jedward' was worse, but it's really getting out of hand. 'Grexit' (Greek exit from the Euro) and fucking 'Hoffice' (home office) are two I've heard in the past couple of days. STOP IT YOU CUNTS.
Know any 'good' ones?
Alt: Perhaps something else is annoying you? What (if so) is it?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:31,
208 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
b3ta.turb0t.net/questions/offtopic/post1618692
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:37,
Reply)
Frampfucking tramp
alt: YOU ANNOY ME BOYCE, YOU ANNOY ME
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:36,
Reply)
In the original Hebrew, 'raffle' is pronounce 'ROFL', and that's how that all started.You know, like how some people say 'faloffle' instead of 'falafel'.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:40,
Reply)
Curiously, before the invention of hats or tombola machines, the tickets would be stuffed into the pockets of a man having an epileptic seizure induced by excessive exposure to nitrous oxide.(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:43, Reply)
The word truffle comes from the portmanteauing of trumpet and raffle.Because before pigs were utilized to locate them, people would fill a trumpet with coordinates and play "The Raffle Shuffle" on it. Whichever set of coordinates shot out during the protracted high C were believed to indicate the location of a truffle on a standard Ordnance Survey map.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:41, Reply)
I have a hangover, why hasn't it gone yet.I need hangover dinner ideas... might get an indian delivered.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:42, Reply)
That does sound good, apart from bisto gravy, I can make my own...(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:44, Reply)
Put single cream and butter in the mash. And fried or spring onion. (, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:45, Reply)
also heat the butter and milk/cream before addingt it(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:46,
Reply)
Are you still making mash here?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:49,
Reply)
and masterbate furiously at the same time(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:49,
Reply)
Changover.The particular type of hangover caused by drinking Chang beer in Thailand.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:43, Reply)
Have a 'raffle strudel'!!!!!!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:43,
Reply)
macaroni cheese and baconwith some mango chutney
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:44,
Reply)
cowfaced runtcunt.
Alt: When you get someone's voicemail and then get a long winded description. Speak after the tone? Get away! Hang up when finished? Surely not.
Buses! Where the fuck are all these poor people going? What business can they possibly have that means they should be blocking my progress toward my destination.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:42, Reply)
THen press the hash keyErrr, no. I'll hang up like every other fucking phone call thanks
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:45,
Reply)
INORITE! I don't need instructions on how to leave a fucking voicemail. Who, anywhere, does?
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:49, Reply)
I'm just calling Mooyce a twatcunt(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:45,
Reply)
And I already said that, you Naape!(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:47,
Reply)
I fucking hate how the press and then a whole bunch of government ministers have been using the term "Omnishambles"as if it's some sort of cutting edge idea.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:43, Reply)
Yeah and "I'm very clear on this". No you're not you fucking weasle. FEASLE.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:44, Reply)
I prefer to call it 'The Naked Ape of it'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:48,
Reply)
^ not an actual word thus proving my point(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:53,
Reply)
Plus it reminds me of 'Babyshambles' which is never a good idea with my 'dicky ticker'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:45,
Reply)
or "drenis", as I shall now refer to your member.which works in two ways as people might think it means either dribbling or drooping, and they'd be right on both counts.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Anything with -gateDon't they have any fucking idea why the watergate scandal was called the watergate scandal? It wasn't anything to do with water! ARGH! I AM ANGRY NOW YOU FUCKING TWAT CUNT!
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Peej, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:45,
Reply)
I'm going to make a massive fraudulant gate company just to annoy them.(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:45, Reply)
I think SOMEONE could do with a wank.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:46,
Reply)
I suppose it's the least you can do after he sent you that stuff.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:49,
Reply)
Someone used the term "going forward" to me the other day.I asked them if they meant "in the future" and was told yes.
I told him that, going forward, I wouldn't be buying any more of his junction boxes.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:47,
Reply)
Or 'joxes', as I like to call them.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:50,
Reply)
My mother-in-law is a geriatric version of Quentin. Extremely annoying and coming out with loads of irrelevant crap all the time.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:49,
Reply)
The world first use of the word "mother-in-law" was due to a spelling error in an essay by Locke on raffles.(, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:51, Reply)
Funny, he hasn't been on here since your mother in law arrived at your house...(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:51,
Reply)
*puts finger on nose then points to tangles*(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:53,
Reply)
*pushes imaginary wall*Now what?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:54,
Reply)
OK NOW DO THE 'UMBRELLA IN THE WIND'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:55,
Reply)
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:56,
Reply)
Remember kidsIt's down the road, not across the street.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:58,
Reply)
Now you get punched in the face for beinga mime cunt(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:56,
Reply)
I would expect nothing lessThe freaky quiet cunts
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:57,
Reply)
Rolls off the tongueMuch like his bother-in-law
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:54,
Reply)
Apple are annoying meAs
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Peej, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:56,
Reply)
Makes it sound so much nicer(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:02,
Reply)
I have an apple but I also have a blackberry running on OrangeI can't remember what date I got them, but the raisons were clear at the lime
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 15:59,
Reply)
My phone contract is up for renewal. I don't want to replace my iPhone with another smart phone, as I have a blackberry for work and an iPad.However I have no idea what sort of 'normal' phone to get.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:00,
Reply)
Get one of those 'old fart' phones with massive buttons so you don't get confused.Alternatively, mr b3th has a rugged JCB phone with a laser pointer and a torch and shit.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 May 2012, 16:13,
Reply)
Does he wear it clipped to his belt?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:15,
Reply)
Round his neck like a panic buttonb3th, come quickly! I can't reach the bourbons!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:17,
Reply)
He doesn't need a panic buttonEvery five minutes, it's "(b3th's nickname)! How do you spell X? Where's Y? Come and look at some random shit I found on the internet!"
It's like having kids.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 May 2012, 16:21,
Reply)
It's notYou need more shitty nappies and piss
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:22,
Reply)
BUT WHAT ABOUT MR B3TH?!!?!?!!111!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:24,
Reply)
That is surely not too far away now(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:22,
Reply)
I know, I'm typing like an old man.Does that turn you on, b3th?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:26,
Reply)
She's rubbing one out right now(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:27,
Reply)
I'm in ur computawatching u wank
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:31,
Reply)
I hope when they told him he was dying they made him pay them 99p for an app that just said "It's Cancer :("(, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:00, Reply)
I hoped that with Sobs tragic passingApple would start letting you use all software. Why won't they do this?
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:11, Reply)
Don't say taht!I'm excited about getting my shiny new ipad this week. Don't ruin it for me before I even get it!
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 May 2012, 16:12,
Reply)
I have one. It's crap. Fast. But crap. Good for HD porn. But crap. Heavy. And crap. Good as a reader. But crap. (, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:13, Reply)
That's ok thenb3th is only getting one for HD porn
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:14,
Reply)
Oh yesThere are all sorts of other kinds.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:16,
Reply)
Don't listen to cowlick, they are very useful if you don't mind only being able to use one application at a time.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:17,
Reply)
Battered's theme tune band(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:24,
Reply)
Yes, no, maybe
I don't know
Can you repeat the question?
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:29,
Reply)
chippy: shirty, aggressive, taking the internet very seriously(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:45,
Reply)
If they're under a year old shouldn't they be done under warranty?Even still, I'm sure they could get a replacement for nowt if they went down the apple shop and caused a scene about the sales of goods act.
Or is apple that shiny and important it transcends sales law?
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Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:17,
Reply)
They've been banging on about the new iPad being 4Gwhen it won't work in most countries.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:30, Reply)
Just been told off for that(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:30,
Reply)
this is indeed trueAnd all that Siri crap that doesn't actuaaly work over here eitehr.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 May 2012, 16:31,
Reply)
All teh things in the advert like 'Is my brother here yet?'that function only works in America.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 May 2012, 16:33,
Reply)
Despite it showing Nottingham or something on the ad(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:34,
Reply)
I probably would Like really nasty. Smack her about a bit, punch her in the backfat. Spit on her, that sort of thing.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:41, Reply)
Siri fucking rocks, I use it all the time, it's so much easier to work out my calendar stuff.And I think next month they'll switch on the locational stuff in the UK.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:37,
Reply)
Nope, they might enable it next month, but I wouldn't hold my breath.If they have it for 'the new ipad', they'll have to at least have it for the ipad 2, and that came out before the iphone 4S, and it was a USP of that.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:48,
Reply)
I suspect in fairnessthat's more to do with them not being arsed to change US adverts. Anyway, they've been slapped for that one.
I hardly think "company dishonest in adverts" is a reason to complain, though. Unless you can arrange for any fucker advertising something as "100% natural" to be smacked down with the "well done, you've stated the law of conservation of matter as sales point" stick? I'd be impressed then
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:54,
Reply)
1) You're a chick?2) I fucking love apple products, my 3 year old laptop is still worth more than half of what I paid for it, and it can run anything that I've wanted to run on it, very quickly. They always use the highest grade proccessors available at the time, but I admit that it's a fucking joke how much the 'extras' are, £160 to go from 4gb ram to 8gb is rediculous.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:36,
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What on Earth are you going to be doing on a laptopthat requires 8gb of RAM?
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Kroney, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:40,
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That's exactly what Apple think too, which is why its an extra option rather than default.I've got my dev stuff that uses a good lot of that, lots of tabs and windows open with media-rich websites and lots of documentation.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:47,
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Yeah, but 8 gig's worth?It wasn't so long ago that was a server level amount.
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Kroney, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:50,
Reply)
I've normally got around 1.5g free, but it's always better to pair up the ram chips, so 6gb wouldn't really be that efficient.Most of it goes in Firefox even though Chrome is my main browser.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:52,
Reply)
I was going to use this argumentbut it's a personal experience thing, innit? I just think it's idiotic to argue that macs break, because you're basically suggesting therefore that PCs don't.
I have a macbook pro that runs at exactly the same speed now as it did 5 years ago. Fucking try that with a PC laptop.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:49,
Reply)
Yeah, but you know why that isAll the targetted malware on the internet is targetted at Windows. If IOS was anywhere near as targetted, you'd have exactly the same problems, probably compounded by the lack of third party removal products.
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Kroney, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:51,
Reply)
*cough* iOS is mobile, OSX is desktop *cough*I think Win8 will really kill off most malware, because every app would be sandboxed. MS are moving towards Apple's pholosophy by having a closed eccosystem, which has the pay-off of having to play by MS's rules.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:55,
Reply)
Of course.But you present that like it's a negative point of apples? It'd be like knowing that all red cars get stolen, no blues one do, and then buying a red car and trying to suggest that it being stolen is a good thing.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:56,
Reply)
I don't present it as a negativemore like an irrelevancy. You're comparing one thing to another on completely incomparable terms.
If I were to extend your analogy, it's more like the owner of the red car saying they don't like blue cars because you can't control them yourself. You can't change gears, you can't swap out engine components, all you can do is steer. To which the owner of the blue car retorts with "yeah? well red cars get nicked more often".
Different things.
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Kroney, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:01,
Reply)
totally depends what you want them for.Your points are valid, but only if you want something other than a way of getting from a to b out of a car. The red car might be faster and better handling but if all you do is drive it to the supermarket that's an irrelevancy, the only thing that matters is that it keeps being stolen.
To me, being more or less immune to malware is the single most important thing in a computer (assuming all else is equal, which for everything I do bar lectures, it is, and for presentations and lectures, macs piss on pcs from a great height) because it means I don't have to care or pay attention. And I only have time for either caring about my computer or ranting on here. And I choose you.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:09,
Reply)
Sure, which is fine. I just don't like it when people say one's better than the other.They aren't. I just prefer to use a PC for much the same reason as I choose manual cars over automatics. I'm not anti-Apple at all, I even have an iPhone, because I just need my smartphone to be a smartphone and the Apple one does it best.
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Kroney, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:13,
Reply)
FIGHT FIGHT IT'S AN AFTER SCHOOL GERD FIGHT !!!!!!(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:15,
Reply)
You bust a move by comparing processor speeds and red dwarf scripts (AS SIGNED BY THE CAST AND CREW!!!!!)(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:18,
Reply)
I'm running an overclocked Woodbridge and I've got a signed Lister figurine*spins on head*
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Kroney, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:23,
Reply)
is a gerd a gay nerd?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:21,
Reply)
no, I know, fair playI run my lab kit on a mix of Unix, PCs and macs depending on what's needed.
it just amazes me how many people will genuinely go "yeah but your mac only runs fine becuase there's no viruses on it" as if that's a bad thing.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:21,
Reply)
What worse about that is that in an intel mac so any in the last 8 years or sotakes the same RAM as a PC laptop which is a fraction of the price, the only difference is you don't buy it from apple. It cost e 20 quid to upgrade my macbook pro to 4gb. Yes I have a macbook pro, its 4 years old and the hardware in it is miles better than the shit they are selling now to cut costs.
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Peej, Thu 17 May 2012, 19:25,
Reply)
Yeahbecause PCs NEVER break, do they?
Well known for their reliability, which of course is why there are no computer repair shops in the UK anywhere.
Oh, wait.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:46,
Reply)
Right very late on this but I work for a very large institutionwith over 6000 pcs but only 300 macs. 50 macs have gone for warranty repair with either hard drive or touch pad failures this last year compared with just 3 PCs so you tell me what those numbers mean about the shoddy cheap shit Apple are putting in their products
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Peej, Thu 17 May 2012, 19:18,
Reply)
This thread needs the excitement of a raffle to get it moving(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:11,
Reply)
Portmantoracle Portmantoracle
Meaning: Portmanteau oracle
Function: Noun
Portmanteau origins: Portmanteau + Oracle
Example: "I have consulted many portmanteauoracles in searching for this offtopic on blended words. But my number one portmanteauoracle is definitely mark morrisons prison shoes. Shoutout mark morrisons prison shoes for smelly tramp = trelly. can i have a rewind?
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lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:20,
Reply)
This is making me lol heartilywww.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-18100850
"He would have been killed instantly - but another massive electric charge snapped him back to life"
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:30,
Reply)
This made me lol heartilywvgazette.com/News/201205050057
stupid americans.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:32, Reply)
I want to know who approved the purchaseSomebody, somewhere, had to say "yes, this is appropriate equipment to be putting into a rural library and at a good price!"
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Kroney, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:44,
Reply)
You would, though. Luck like that's not coming along twice in a lifetime.I can imagine him at each stage, certain that it's all going to fall through and getting more and more excited. Jammy fucking bastard.
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Kroney, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:08,
Reply)
Government spends too much on something is not really news though, is it?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:36,
Reply)
They are building two aircraft carriers and are mothballing one straight away! (, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:37, Reply)
It's in case they break one(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:38,
Reply)
Is that like teabagging but for old people?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:43,
Reply)
The fact that another company bid more than that is ridiculous. As is the cost of the T1 cards. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:14,
Reply)
I would like to know how he tweeted with no limbs while swimming between two continants.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:23,
Reply)
I've seen them three times.One of which was billed as 'THE WHOLE ORIGINAL WU TANG LINEUP'.
I don't remember 'Old itchy chin', 'Jimmy Hill the chef', Inspectah Reck-on' or 'Made-up Man' being on that first LP.
The best one was in Equinox in Leicester Square. Someone nicked Method Man's shoe when he was crowd surfing and wouldn't give it back for HALF AN HOUR during which they refused to perform. It was immensely gay and very funny indeed.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:47,
Reply)
Isn't at least one of them dead?and doesn't that really preculude the whole original line-up playing? Or are they digging him up for the show?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:50,
Reply)
This was in about 1998.And yes, dear old ODB is no more. He was easily the best one as well.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:50,
Reply)
.jpg)
up, up and away?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:21,
Reply)
supermarket own brand jaffa cakesare, as of yesterday, Jaffa Fakes.
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 17 May 2012, 16:57,
Reply)
as your deity i have better things to do with my time than entertain you
go and have a wank or something
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:05,
Reply)
Alt: Estate AgentsAbsolute useless twats. Supposed to meet one in Bethnel Green but the arsehole never showed up, so I've had to traipse back to the office in New Cross to drop keys off. Was supposed to be going straight to Soho. Cunts the lot of them. Wouldn't have minded if he told me but to not answer your phone and leave me in limbo is a joke.
(, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:05, Reply)
You forgot 'lying' and 'sell their own grandmother' (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:08,
Reply)
I always got hot female estate agents when I was looking for my current placeI guess the agencies thought "single guy, one bedroom flat, get him to use his penis to make the decision".
Worked though, did I choose the flat shown to me by the 23 year old lad in the pink shirt and the BMW 1 series? Did I fuck.
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Kroney, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:10,
Reply)
I am applying Chompy's First Law of Internet LOLs hereI had to Google it.
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Kroney, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:19,
Reply)
I've heard of Jack the Ripper and I was only FOUR when he was at large.No excuse, Gaston.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:24,
Reply)
Parry, parry, riposteIt's like the Three Musketeers in here this afternoon.
You're Ollie Reid, I'm totally Michael Yorke.
(
Kroney, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:24,
Reply)
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