£5 toothless gob job anyone?
Alt: I went out for a lovely supper last might, but they missed a large glass o Malbec off the bill. I didn't say anything, should I have? Would you have?

Are you a bleeding heart moralistic moaner or a cold hearted step over your own grandmother to get ahead sort of person?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 7:58, 108 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Usually, mr horrible
Starts us off gently with a simple thread.

This seems a tad more difficult.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:00, Reply)

Soz, we're you both lurking waiting for a thread?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:02, Reply)

re. the wine, it's their fault. Fuck 'em.
Re. the second question, a bit of both.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:00, Reply)

I actually agree with dozer. I feel dirty, not in a good way.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:08, Reply)

alright Dr Bankrupt Publican

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:09, Reply)

Alright tosser, I've cash to hide from the IR, any ideas?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:11, Reply)

Cyprus

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:13, Reply)

yeah, have it paid to your wife so it doesn't get snaffled by your creditors
Illegally, fraudulently, in a grossly hypocritical manner etc etc.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:16, Reply)

Nah, we're doing ok, it's just stuff doesn't always go through the tills.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:19, Reply)

I'll have R03 under me belt by the end of the year m8, pick me braynz then yeah.
Then it's R07 for some easy credits.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:22, Reply)

Although watch out she doesn't kick you out after you've done this!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:00, Reply)

i would usually say if they've missed something, honesty is good and a fine quality in a man, also unlike you i am not a thief

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:02, Reply)

Usually...also they'd already brought me the wrong bill for a much higher amount

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:05, Reply)

usually, as in as long as i noticed while i was there
an incorrect bill is a small error easily rectified, knowingly not paying for something you have had is stealing
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:06, Reply)

Get you DCI Tosh

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:08, Reply)

'Earn your breakfasr Tosh', best of all fat tv alcoholic cops.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:10, Reply)

you're the antony worall thompson of beeta, both in looks and now also in your criminal acts, stealing things you can easily afford

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:11, Reply)

This is literally the worst thing anyone has ever said to me on here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:13, Reply)

thanks very much

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:13, Reply)

I see you as Ainsley, best of all the tv chefs.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:17, Reply)

better than Rachel Khoo?
Really?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:20, Reply)

i see you as a deaf dumb blind person completely unaware of the world around you, what happens in it or how things work yet somewhow able to communicate via text
spouting your misguided, stupid or just plain wrong interpretations of a life that you can never fully immerse yourself in or in any way really understand
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:23, Reply)

ha ha not really you're alright

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:24, Reply)

Hide the cbeese!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:17, Reply)

No thanks
Alt: Nope, and I wouldn't either. Free wine!

AltAlt: Can't I be a bit of both?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:29, Reply)

Altalt, everyone is.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:31, Reply)

wine sweets
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:57, Reply)

5 notes fir gammin ma boabie whin yir maw daes ays fir free? Awa an shite.
Alt: No. If they can't get the bill right fuck em.

Bit of both, probably more of the former.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:42, Reply)

Yeah go on then
Alt: Am I a bleeding heart moralistic moaner?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 8:59, Reply)

I'm out to our new local Italian tomorrow night
Rather looking forward to it. Anything missed off the bill is tough shit. I accidentally stole a bottom tier of plants on my two tier trolley at the garden centre. Fuck them, they charge too much anyway

As the nicest person on here, I generally try to help rather than moan.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:00, Reply)

You seem a nice person, why do you talk with twisted, embitteredcunts on here?Except me obviously.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:05, Reply)

Keyword: OFFICELOLS

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:16, Reply)

+ unless we're talking about ASDA

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:09, Reply)

Dont even go there, sister
*z-snaps*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:16, Reply)

morning jaysum

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:16, Reply)

I don't. I go to Waitrose.
Prole.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:23, Reply)

The nearest Waitrose to me is in the centre of Newcastle
Not exactly on my doorstep
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:24, Reply)

They have them in Newcastle?
Ugh, God. It'll be organic pop-up grocers for me, from now on.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:28, Reply)

They do indeed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:30, Reply)

For all the world I read that as "pants".

( Kroney, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:14, Reply)

I purchase pants
I steal plants
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:16, Reply)

But if push comes to shove you will happily nick a load of panties from a washing line

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:21, Reply)

Why? If you get them there they've been washed and lose all sniffability.

( Kroney, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:23, Reply)

This guy knew how to do it correctly
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lancashire/8439446.stm
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:25, Reply)

He looks like an upstanding member of the community

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:25, Reply)

I would certainly vote for him

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:28, Reply)

Well, he should shut all those cunts up who say Downsers are useless.
Mayor. Good for him.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:26, Reply)

Shit burglar though

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:29, Reply)

Dont think he was gay mate

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:33, Reply)

tggi^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:25, Reply)

youtu.be/EQTFRq1hjtM
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:20, Reply)

Not clicking that at work, soz.
Damned trolls *ignore*
( Kroney, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:22, Reply)

^ worse than hitler

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:15, Reply)

The staff obvs felt sorry for the table with the grotesquely disfigured ed subnormal and knocked something off the bill.
They're nice like that sometimes.
(Mr Udagawa, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:23, Reply)

Alright gayham did you know I was approached for my new role by the recruiters
You might say I was headhunted, how's your career going
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:26, Reply)

Oh, is that what headhunting is?
I get that all the time. I'm well desirable, me.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:27, Reply)

At your level That's just recruitment agents fishing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:28, Reply)

What you on mate, figures mate, figures. Stop chattin billy big bollocks and give the deets.

(Mr Udagawa, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:30, Reply)

Not enough

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:31, Reply)

Fucking pussy. Bet it aint 10k a month tax free.

(Mr Udagawa, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:34, Reply)

You're right it's not
I happily pay my taxes for the good of the country and those less fortunate than myself
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:37, Reply)

There are people less fortunate than you?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:40, Reply)

for the good of the country and those less fortunate than myself as I'm PAYE
(Mr Udagawa, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:42, Reply)

10k a month after tax is better in all respects

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:49, Reply)

About half and half, I'd say.
At my level, indeed. How rude.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:31, Reply)

We had the other weekend in Chisser.
Lost the two replacement glasses off the bill. We left all morose and lamenting the establishment's lack of fortune.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:26, Reply)

Fuck it.
I if something doesn't scan on the self service properly and ends up in the bag the self service monkey always runs over with their magic barcode and sorts the machine. I get something free every other time I go. Their fault for having shit machines instead of shit till monkeys.
( Peej, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:32, Reply)

It probably works out cheaper to have a few items go through not scanned properly than to invest in minimum wage staff.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:33, Reply)

Thats why I never scan my fillet steaks and single malt whiskeys

( Peej, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:36, Reply)

Weigh them as carrots

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:39, Reply)

Do you steal the pick n mix at the cinema and all?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:40, Reply)

Yes
Yes I do
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:41, Reply)

Only the lowest of the low cunt would steal pick n mix
and If that terrible terrible excuse for a human had a system to aid in his theft that would make him worse than Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini and Heather Mills all put together.
( Peej, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:46, Reply)

I should be PM and here's why:
Every fucker gets a separate state in a federated Britain. Scotland, Wales, NI, obvs. Then bring back Northumbria and Wessex. Have a separate state of Greater London. Channel Islands, Isle of Man, the Hebrides and the Northern Isles. All have their own regional parliaments with a federal jobbie concerned with defence and foreign policy.

Europe's heading that way anyway, might as well get ahead of the game.

/outofnowhere
( Kroney, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:35, Reply)

Except they can't even run a fucking rail service with separate companies

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:37, Reply)

Brilliant.
Then we can go bankrupt on the expenses.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:40, Reply)

Fuck it, the UK's inevitably breaking up. Might as well embrace it and offer an alternative.
We're halfway to a federal system as it is, with all the devolved parliaments.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:44, Reply)

Maybe it was provided for free to compensate for them taking it in turns to spit in your food.

( Muns, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:36, Reply)

Noo Fred.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:42, Reply)