OK, so it seems I'm out tonight for Black Eye Friday
Tell me your tales of good nights gone bad and bad night turned good

Alt:
Best soup
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 13:57, 72 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:02, Reply)

I was out in the Toon a few years back
and was doing shots with a bunch of fellas we met at some bar/club. Until they took umbridge at something one of my mates said. Something disparaging about a girl at the bar who turned out to be this one lad's Mrs.

My mate got a couple of smacks in the mouth and we got thrown out and chased halfway around Newcastle. .
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:04, Reply)

The technical term for this is:
"NAE TRUBBLE?
MARE LEEK A BASTAD"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:08, Reply)

For a geordie/mackem/whatever, you do a terrible impression.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:13, Reply)

Sid the Sexist innit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:14, Reply)

Seem's /offtopic's having one of it's turns.
I think I might see if I can knock off early and get down the juicer.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:08, Reply)

I've got a meeting til half three
Half three. On a Friday. It's worse than being back at school or sutin.
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:21, Reply)

I had a meeting last Friday at 1pm
WHO THE FUCK IN FUCKS NAME DOES THAT?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:28, Reply)

Some people have no respect for the drinking classes

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:15, Reply)

My mate got hit by a car at a bus stop and killed. That was a bit of a downer.
Alt: quimsoup lol wakki rude
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:20, Reply)

Oof

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:21, Reply)

He'd already bought a return ticket, eh.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:22, Reply)

she ... if it'd been a bloke I could have borrowed his GM bus pass

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:23, Reply)

This sort of tragedy will happen
If people insist on living life in the bus-lane.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:24, Reply)

lolzorz

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:26, Reply)

Some twelve years ago I begrudgingly went out for St. Patricks day.
Some six hours after the session had commenced, we found ourselves in a late bar, when my boss at the time decided to chat up a girl some thirty years his junior.

I don't remember how, but I ended up at her place having very drunken and sleepy sex with her (Fuck knows how, considering the state I was in!) Overslept, didn't make it back to work to deal with that mornings delivery so my boss had to do it all by himself. He didn't talk to me for a fortnight when he found out why.

I really didn't like my boss at the time, so it was a win-win-win situation. Although I did find out later that she had given me the clap.
( Muns, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:30, Reply)

There is still a sporters shaped hole in the hedge near work from a St Paddys afternoon out
17 pints of Guinness and somersaulting into hedges FTW

I also managed to break all the lights above the pool table in the works local
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:32, Reply)

The hole is now extensive enough i could poo through it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:31, Reply)

Excellent work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:32, Reply)

I've just found a teste-hole in my jeans
Just now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:33, Reply)

Or "showing a spakka" as it is known

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:04, Reply)

Its a tad draughty

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:09, Reply)

Oh god, the memory.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:11, Reply)

Out on a hen do in Nottingham a few years back
We were at the post club kebab shop point of the night when a group of fine upstanding gentlemen found it frightfully hilarious to point out the resemblance of the Maid of Honour to Jordan-shagging singing 'sensation' Peter Andre. Their charming rendition of 'Mysterious Girl' was cut short by the ringleader receiving a swift faceful of mixed donner and chilli sauce followed by a full can of Rubicon from an irate 'Peter'.

Alt: Minestrone
( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:49, Reply)

lololol
Thats Insania
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 14:53, Reply)

Absolutely fantastic.
Did the groom look like Jordan?
( Muns, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:00, Reply)

one year on Christmas party night, a group of lads dragged our 9ft Christmas tree down out if the function room,
They got half way downstairs with it and then came and complained the stairs were too narrow. I thought he was the dj getting his gear out so I showed them the back staircase. Luckily a colleague was out having a fag when they walked through the garden with it. One then tried to punch me for having a go at them. Tried to run off and climb the gate to get out, fell off and broke his leg. Tried to blame us for his injury. The company took it to small claims court and he ended up paying the pub for damages to the tree and fence.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:14, Reply)

hahahaha!
What a wanker
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:21, Reply)

proper laddish prick

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:26, Reply)

There were a load of amateur drinkers in the pub earlier
Shoddy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:29, Reply)

Today is the second worst drinking day of the year.
Only new years could be shitter.
( Muns, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:35, Reply)

New Years Eve is dreadful

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:38, Reply)

oh aye, new years eve is an absolute shit fight

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:43, Reply)

Amateur drinkers are just the worst
couple of Bacardi breeders or some such crap and instant loud lairy unfunny wankers.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:48, Reply)

haha autocorrect lol

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:56, Reply)

Sounds like somebody had a bad night out:
http://metro.co.uk/2014/12/18/embarrassed-woman-turned-away-from-nightclub-for-being-fat-4992449/

Is it worth protesting that this wasn't me?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:52, Reply)

??
What wasn't you?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:55, Reply)

Linkfail.
Hang on...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:57, Reply)

been there, used to be called hustle kentfactfans

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:59, Reply)

Dont knock it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:01, Reply)

That's quite an unwieldy name

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:01, Reply)

The story below the nightclub one - on the link
About a man who made his kids have sex with the family dog reminds me of some one....something about dogs...can't quite put my finger up on it
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:12, Reply)

In my short career of post-divorce sitting-in-pubs-drinking-alone
I was in a (now defunct) pub on the outskirts of the city centre. I remember there being some sort of argument about a pool match which spilled over towards the table I was sitting at. I next remember waking up feeling like hammered shit in the cells at Little Park street nick.
Luckily no charges were pressed and the dental fees afterward were quite reasonable.
To this day I couldn't tell you what happened.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 15:58, Reply)

ouch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:00, Reply)

So all you can remember is pool table, hammered, cell?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:06, Reply)

'Golf clap'

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:08, Reply)

I can't believe you don't remember the love we shared.

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:13, Reply)

So THAT was the cause of the rash!

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:13, Reply)

Removing someones teeth for the sake of a gummer is a bit harsh though.

( Muns, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:16, Reply)

Just sheared the roots of Upper right 3&4
From the bruising I think I got stamped on
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:21, Reply)

Was there an extra £5 that he didn't have before?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:22, Reply)

Wouldn't have found it anyway
This was in the West Midlands Constabulary area so they (allegedly) went through the pockets/wallets/handbags of any drunk and 'relieved' them of any cash they might - or might not - have been carrying
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 16:24, Reply)