This is painful.
what's the most pain you've ever been in?
Can't say I've ever experienced a lot of physical pain. I did get knocked out by a bouncy castle when I was a kid.

alt. What's the most absurd accident you've had?
altalt. link a local news tale.
www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/manchesters-houses-horror-grim-reality-8627502
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 14:46, 140 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

The other day I got my thermos flask out of the cupboard, opened it and it still had a faint whiff of yesterday's soup, so I boiled the kettle, and gave it a rinse.
Boiling water cures everything, right? Sure it does.

So after giving it a swill around and letting it stand for a couple of minutes, I emptied it out, and then gave it another sniff to check, resulting in getting steam burns all over my nose.

Because - y'know - I'm a prick.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 14:49, Reply)

I get that off poppers.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 14:56, Reply)

My mate once managed to pour most of a bottle of them over my lips and face
That hurt
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:26, Reply)

love

( $$ ✅, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 14:58, Reply)

the pictures used in that article are such bollocks
the mould and fungus are more than likely caused by cheapsk8 northerners not putting their fucking heating on, the 'filthy' bath shows the unfinished side of a fiberglass bath simply missing a £10 bath panel, and given that rats quite often chew electric cables putting poison by the meter seems sensible to me. and the printer isn't 'destroyed' it's dusty, and only a prick would leave delicate and fragile items in a room having building work done on. these renter cunts fucking moan about everything.
that is all.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:02, Reply)

u ok hun?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:05, Reply)

I'm angry and disappointed.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:06, Reply)

upset

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:05, Reply)

yes, I'm upset that a troupe of faux-waqqi internet shutins, most of whom live hundreds of miles away won't join me for a pint

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:07, Reply)

I would if I were closer bbz xx

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:23, Reply)

if you were i'd move further away

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:28, Reply)

IME most tenants are fucking fithy scum who seem to enjoy living in filth
there is a reason why they are in that situation: fecklessness
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:19, Reply)

although i disagree with everything you hold dear, you're right in this instance. anyone who rents is fucking scum, and they expect everything to be done for them including having a fucking tidy up. lazy failures, i hate them

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:24, Reply)

Yeah but private landlords are also parasitic cunts so swings and roundabouts eh?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:30, Reply)

i don't know, i've only ever owned houses. also i don't really mean much of what i say on here.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:33, Reply)

especially that bit about disagreeing with everything I hold dear

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:38, Reply)

totes and blates bruv

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:38, Reply)

Absurd accidents you say?
i.imgur.com/YfPjduY.gif
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:14, Reply)

I'm still not sure what that is or what happens

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:24, Reply)

Its a self-inflating 'thingy' for a pool, which is supposed to flop into the pool and inflate but they had it backwards so it went for them.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:27, Reply)

Well, see this....


That is my right knee and thats a titanium plate and those things going through it are titanium pins and they go all the way down my lower leg. It took 7 hours and I have no feeling in the lower leg anymore and can't move all my toes (6) Yeh well that hurt.

Altalt This one about aphex twin is good www.westbriton.co.uk/Redruth-School-Cornwall-College-student-wins/story-25997506-detail/story.html
( Peej, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:17, Reply)

How'd that happen then?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:19, Reply)

He was mean to someone on b3ta and they found him.
Let that be a lesson to you.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:21, Reply)

So Battered nutted him?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:23, Reply)

Knee need for that like

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:24, Reply)

Don't be fucking stupid,
Its my knee not my shin
( Peej, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:25, Reply)

Originally a rugby accident when I was 11
But it caused my leg to grow incorrectly and they had to sort it in my 20s. Theres a wonderful QOTW story about it
( Peej, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:25, Reply)

*crosses legs*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:26, Reply)

alright 'Catherine Tramell'

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:28, Reply)

Its a reference to the QOTW story entiled
I lost over 5 pints and bled for 19 hours FROM MY COCK!!!!
( Peej, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:29, Reply)

Should've asked the barman for a tray then shouldn't you?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:31, Reply)

Yeah best to hide the boner mate

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:57, Reply)

UNPOSSIBLE

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:14, Reply)

So yeh The local news link is good though right?
I went to that College it was shit, the school was shit too so I went to the one 2 miles away instead.
( Peej, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:29, Reply)

That was one of the most annoying local news shit links
It wouldn't stop playing some fucking history bollocks
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:57, Reply)

For a species that has evolved for the most part without shoes
why is stubbing your toe so easy, yet so incredibly painful?
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:22, Reply)

because you're a clumsy prick?

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:23, Reply)

I once ran over my finger while skateboarding
That hurt
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:30, Reply)

^ Tesco value Brian Harvey.

( Muns, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:34, Reply)

lol. probably had a load of new potatoes.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:42, Reply)

Probably after doing a load of red bull.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:50, Reply)

Guy Richie is remaking the Man from UNCLE. Looks actually not totally shit.
www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-x08iNZ8Mfc
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:30, Reply)

Oh man, I love Psyence Fiction.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:32, Reply)

it's getting reissued.
Key track: Guns Blazing
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:33, Reply)

It's all great.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:38, Reply)

even Getting Ahead...?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:39, Reply)

That doesn't count.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:41, Reply)

unkle made their best records in the Goldsworthy and Kudo era, and their best remixes in the File era.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:49, Reply)

Oopa Gungan Style

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:33, Reply)

I like this

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:45, Reply)

It's not science fiction. It's camp spy action.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:34, Reply)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psyence_Fiction
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:37, Reply)

Don't confuse musikchat with filmchat.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:39, Reply)

I was trying to be clever but you've ruined it now.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:41, Reply)

Tore a muscle at the bottom of my back
When the muscles spasmed I couldn't breathe for about 30 seconds at a time. Not scary at all. I ended up fucked up on some MAJOR drugs for about a week

Alt:
Moving into my new flat and washing the dishes in there for the first time. Hand into hot water and back out with a knife embedded in my finger

AltAlt:
YOUN A BOTANIST
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:32, Reply)

By bottom of your back you mean your arse don't you!
Like when I tell people I had an op to cut out a lump at the bottom of my spine when I really mean arse crack.
( Peej, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:38, Reply)

No, it really was the bottom of my back
My anus is uncut
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:57, Reply)

I knifed my fingers doing the washing up last weekend.
I had to make a bandage out of kitchen roll and cable ties.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:40, Reply)

classic Aberdeen!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:49, Reply)

most pain was a viral infection of my nervous system with the pain emanating from the rear of my brain probably the occipital lobe.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:36, Reply)

Runaway Bride at the Odeon back in '99
alt: Not mine, but back when I was about 11 and used to ride a bike to school I got knocked off it by a car whilst going round a roundabout. The driver came to apologise a day or so later and went arse over tit down the stairs leading to our front door followed by mucho bleeding from the face and wailing. I dun big LOLS at that one I can tell you!

altalt: Poo graffiti
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:44, Reply)

how many crotchfruit do you have?!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:53, Reply)

4 boys
All planned (for some reason I now can't remember or understand)
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:55, Reply)

jesus christ
that sounds like hard work!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:09, Reply)

They were quadruplets. How are the budgies?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:10, Reply)

poor budgies
the older one is scared of the new one and is being terrorised. the new one just wants to be with the older one and is feeling rejected.

stupid birds!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:11, Reply)

Lemmy needs to mtfu. Just saying.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:12, Reply)

BTFU surely

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:36, Reply)

Mammal tfu, you oik.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:46, Reply)

I could be wrong and of course I bow down to your greater medical knowledge
But I don't think budgies are mammals
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:47, Reply)

Like bats, they are mammals. Definitely not birds, nope, no sir.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:56, Reply)

there's no way that birds could be anything but mammals

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:57, Reply)

I'm glad you agree frog.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 17:01, Reply)

Ah that makes sense
the are like a daybat or sutin
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 17:06, Reply)

just after I broke my leg, I was in hospital and could not piss lying down,
I went in on the Friday and my surgery was booked for Monday afternoon. There was no way I could stand up, as the rush of blood in to the leg around where my ankle was shattered was pure agony, so I held on.
my bladder felt like it was going to burst at one point, and all the painkillers weren't helping the whole time. Eventually after the threat of a catheter, I elected to be helped to my feet so I could puss in a bottle by my bed. One of the nurses slipped and I ended up putting weight on my shattered ankle. It hurt the most. And I got covered in Piss.
I'll never understand why I couldn't piss lying down, I've pissed the bed before.l
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:44, Reply)

I hope youre proud of pissing the bed.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:02, Reply)

who wouldnt be

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:05, Reply)

The wife actually pissed the bed first in our relationship. She wasn't actually proud, poor cow was mortified.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:09, Reply)

She does love a bit of piss play, it must be said
She goes off like the Bellagio fountains
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:16, Reply)

^yellow sportscow

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:19, Reply)

Ringo never quite recreated his Beatles hits

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:38, Reply)

I once had a paper cut on my finger.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:53, Reply)

oh the humanity!

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:54, Reply)

Someone once shaved a pencil over my head

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 15:57, Reply)

Is the canal bank serial killer still kicking around in Manchester Jay?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:01, Reply)

Gay cockney serial killer Gary Cranley?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:14, Reply)

There's been a lot of drownings in a stretch of Mcr canals, running through the gay area, a theory is it's someone shoving in drunken gaysters.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:24, Reply)

Jack the Dipper

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:58, Reply)

It's me, but don't tell anyone

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:57, Reply)

As mentioned before
I was being well rad on my BMX pulling some dope air, when I tried to do a stepthrough mid air and didn't get it back onto the pedal in time, this meant the back wheel clipped the top of the halfpipe smashing me and the bike in to the side then bottom of the ramp. I said OW (still trying to impress the ladeez) then noticed my foot was backwards I promptly threw up over myself in shock and passed out.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:02, Reply)

I once attempted a BMX ramp on my Tomahawk, gravity won and I landed on my head.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:18, Reply)

My mate Hutchy managed to jam his nutsack in the back brake landing a jump
5 stitches.....
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:21, Reply)

a bloke at school had his front wheel come loose mid-jump
Forks into the ground. Somersault. Hilarity. Crying. More hilarity.
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:28, Reply)

hahaha

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:36, Reply)

When I came to I had an abulance crew giving and a gas and air mask on
I am pretty sure all the ladeez and multi orgasmed at my skillz as I couldn't see any of them left around as I was being stretchered off, so the only thing must be that they all needed to dash home to change out of their wet clothing
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:33, Reply)

I had a weird stomach thing that meant a trip in an ambulance and lots of morphine.
They never figured out what it was either.

Alt: Running to meet some mates in a pub for a lock-in, slipping on something, landing full body weight on my right shoulder on that bumpy stuff that lets blind people know where to cross the road, and continuing for about two feet after impact.

When I got home from hospital the next morning, I dropped backwards onto my bed, at which point the frame snapped and I fell to the floor through the fucking thing.

It's not easy doing carpentry with only one arm.
( Muns, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:19, Reply)

Excellent work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:21, Reply)

Not really, I only screwed a brace to where it had broken.
It looked as messy as fuck.
( Muns, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:28, Reply)

you doofus

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:26, Reply)

Are you Frank Spencer?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:57, Reply)

my mate Womble got his nickname when he fell out of the loft onto the top of a stepladder and ripped off one of his balls

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:27, Reply)

Why Womble?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:38, Reply)

It was in Bulgaria

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:40, Reply)

Tomsk is in Russia?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:45, Reply)

Because it sounds like 'one ball' and is a common nickname of the pal of every other 'Tommy two shits' who this has happened to.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:43, Reply)

Hitler lols
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:55, Reply)

I used to get about with a drum n'bass DJ who's DJ name was DJ Direct
"Because when I die I wanna be WRECKED innit bruv!"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:32, Reply)

As a twelve year old, my brother was having a kick around with friends.
His mate knocked the ball into the adjacent school grounds, so he went to climb over the spiked fence and retrieve it. Unfortunately his foot slipped, causing him to impale himself through the heart and die.

Comedy gold!
( Muns, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:33, Reply)

£250 from You've Been Framed though
Can't complain
(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:34, Reply)

Someone in our school did that on the school fence
The spikes went through his chin and up into his brain, leaving him hanging over the fence by his head
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:34, Reply)

Still as a geordie the brain was undamaged

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:34, Reply)

Mackem and yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:35, Reply)

you mackem we takem

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:37, Reply)

EGG ZACK LEE

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:39, Reply)

ahahahaha
*wipes tear*
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:34, Reply)

[INSERT BULLSHIT STORY HERE]

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:38, Reply)

As a 7ft tall black chap I was just chillin out on the top floor of my crib
You know the usual wearing sunglasses while dark and a pimpin catsuit when this little Chinese looking chap got all up in my grill, and, while my kung fu skillz are pretty badass he managed to beat me up for no apparent reason
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:40, Reply)

needless to say, you had the last laugh

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:43, Reply)

Not really it was teh bright light that got me in the end

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:50, Reply)

Nah' man, that never happened, dont' believ eyou

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:54, Reply)

I saved beeter. Just saying





*loldeletes
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 16:55, Reply)

hurry up then

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 17:02, Reply)

I'd never. I want to be remembered 5eva

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 17:08, Reply)

delete it pls

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Thu 12 Feb 2015, 17:14, Reply)