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# Thank you for calling, if you know your party's extension, you may enter it now
for mofaha press 1, for ls18 press 2, for llort press 3, for Sea Tramp press 4, for an egg press 5,
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Fri 20 May 2011, 9:44, archived)
# *ahem*
or 9, for me
(I helped save b3ta! real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Fri 20 May 2011, 9:46, archived)
# 9
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 20 May 2011, 9:48, archived)
# Hello.... would you mind holding?
*plays awful music that breaks up intermittently, making you think you've been disconnected*
(I helped save b3ta! real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Fri 20 May 2011, 9:51, archived)
# ....10 minutes pass:
if you'd like to continue to hold, press 1.
...goodbye

(really happened to me)
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Fri 20 May 2011, 9:55, archived)
# the best one is where you follow all the options trying to get hold of a human, and when you do
"sorry, you'll need the other department, I'll transfer you..."

*click*

*sound of dead line*

Call duration: 15 minutes
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 20 May 2011, 10:08, archived)
# your call is important to us
(I helped save b3ta! Spunky McPunk not dead yet, Fri 20 May 2011, 9:56, archived)
# *puts phone on speaker*
*goes to make tea*
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 20 May 2011, 9:59, archived)
#
if you'd like to continue to hold, press 1.
...
...
...goodbye
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Fri 20 May 2011, 10:02, archived)
# Gaaaaaaah
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 20 May 2011, 10:03, archived)
# *hold music stops* *voice comes on the line*
"Hello?"

Oh shit!

*Scalds self*
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 20 May 2011, 10:03, archived)
# *starts having abusive 1 sided conversation to hold music*
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 20 May 2011, 9:59, archived)
# oh I do that
especially back in the day when trying to sort out my account with the bastard student loans company
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 20 May 2011, 10:00, archived)
# ..."you always friggin' put me on hold ya bastards, I bet your're just sat there filing your nails, you heartless b.."
"hello Mr Robinson, thankyou for hol.. I beg your pardon?"
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 20 May 2011, 10:02, archived)
# "Do da doo da doop da doop do da doo da doop da doop"
"I'm sorry madam err... why are you making those noises?"
"Do da doo da doop da doop do da doo da doop da doop... my phone call is important to you. Please wait while I waste your time...Do da doo da doop da doop do da doo da doop da doop."
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Fri 20 May 2011, 10:02, archived)
# Doesn't 9
just get you an outside line?
(I helped save b3ta! sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 20 May 2011, 10:19, archived)
# Only if you press it 3 times
(I helped save b3ta! maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Fri 20 May 2011, 10:21, archived)